hi sweetmom :

reading your blog reminded me of my initial similar struggle I hated what I became post stroke & I wasn't happy about that. I didn't ask for this new stupid stroke which brought all the changes I didn't volunteer for or asked for it. but once I accepted & making best lemonade possible for our life. It felt liked I kicked ass of stroke which interrupted my joyful  prestroke life. So  I am sure you wil different once you reach your acceptance stage & start enjoying your new normal

.Asha

I am sure that no one likes what a stroke does to them. But to me, as the caregiver for a wife who had a stroke more than two years ago, I focus not one what was lost but on what was not. When we have dinner and just talk, I consider it a blessing that she can still speak and think clearly. When she labors to walk short distances with her cane and brace I am thankful that she can walk at all and I remember those early post-stroke days when she could not. I am grateful that she has been around to enjoy the many good things that have befallen her children and grandchildren during the past two years. I am just glad that she is still with me. And she seems happy about that too. So, SweetMom, take the old cliche seriously. Count your blessings. It may have been bad but it could have been a whole lot worse. Good luck to you.

SweetMom, you expressed my feelings perfectly. Thank you for that. 

Thank y'all. Some people tell me to just get over it. Yea right. Gladly. Thank you RonA from a caregivers point of view. my husband (my caregiver) is the one who told me that. He was mad and said he wanted HIS life back. He didn't sign up for this. But I told him he didn't have a choice. RonA, You are a god send to your wife. Most men don't make good caregivers and my husband is in that category. Now, I feel like he is caring for me out of guilt, not love. 

Hi SweetMom,

I too can relate to what you are saying. I have my good days and my bad still, but I really miss the old me!

Take Care!

25March2015

SweetMom, i hear you loud and clear. You have every right to be frustrated and angry. I want the old me back desperately but i recently realized i want the old me back but with everything I have learned about me post stroke added into the mix. As you start to reach the acceptance level you will feel stronger and better. Of course i never wanted to get to the acceptance level. I just wanted the old me and i fought it. I miss my skills and talents. Now i just live for the joy and pleasures i can find and to heck with everything else. To say i am grateful just to be alive is a joke. I am not grateful to be disabled, to have to work five times as hard at the simplest of tasks. But i appreciate where i've come and I know it is from my own hard work and that is rewarding. I live one day at a time and make the most of it. There are still days I wish I had died but I didn't so i have to deal with it. momma said there would be days like this. My family hasn't always been easy either but i can't change them or make it any easier. they are adults and they have to find thier own strength to deal with it. I've got enough on my plate to deal with. Never try to talk with fhem when you are angry. Wait till the fire has burned down and you can be more reasonable and logical. It's a win/win. Many hugs to you. We are all here for each other or another way of looking at it is that we have found each other to offer comfort and grace.

On a side note, I thought I replied to your blog already.  rrr.  I hate when I forget! But my past stroke life seemed to be going in the right direction.  I was not in a "bad" relationship.  I was actually losing weight. I was traveling like I used to and life seemed to be going in a good directions. Then bammed I got stroke slapped.  Ok I will be ok I will be ok.  Start to live again and bam stroke slapped again.  Now I am slowly trying to get back to where I was.  Doctors told me this could have been worse if I was older. I am grateful to be alive, but parts of my old life I do miss. 

Sweetmom,

I was there just over year ago i no joke that I threw myself a pity party and I didn't like who I was with

Then an acquaintance of mine gave me some pretty good advice.

don't dwell on what you've lost but you can't do identify what you can do and what you like to do and focus your energy there.

All my life I have worked in Jobs helping other people so now basically just a friend and I love posting on my blog and I love writing so I'm relatively satisfied with my life right now.

Yes there are still challenges but with support and encouragement from people here I

can do anything.

It's too easy card into that morass of self. Pitty

I can't really pinpoint what the change was in the or what triggered the change in me but I really wasn't happy with who I was and who I was with but now I'm very comfortable with who I am.

There are still days not quite as frequently and certainly not as long.

What if this is as good as it gets?

I now answer the question within seconds instead of dwelling on it for days and my response is I'm damn lucky I'm damned fortunate and I'm blessed to be here and I know it.

The someone inside you that you can really appreciate and not get sucked into that vortex of self-pity.

I can't tell you that there's a magic wand that's going to make everything better if you're okay

You need be able to convince yourself that you're okay.

Be well my friend be well and I will constantly send positive energy your way.

Jay