Fearless
In the morning I will get 2nd Radiofrequency Ablation. I am exhausted since my poor roomie with dementia loves to be craziest at night. I have a lovely patio room I decorated with my art and collages so I choose not to switch rooms as this SNF offers as a solution regardless of the fact she verbally torments me. In fact when I holla back to stfu then I abuse her because I can walk. So on that day the director informed me all that I fearlessly threw her out and refused to sign a paper that informed me about abuse I promised not to do. I retorted that I could check off some so only communicate through the ombudsman. So since I responded to roomie she backs off when she goes jekyl n hide on me. But tonight she practices screaming and talks talks talks as usual. yes my beloved earbuds help me ignore hearing things that bring me to tears. I remind myself she can be sweet such a sweet smile her doctors say. then like a movie she attacks as soon as no one is around. so I only look like I bully a frail old woman. I fearlessly stay here refusing to leave my premium room they love to turn over. I see that there is absolutely no help and my recordings of her threats to kill me and other fun listening will never be heard.
Perhaps my change from broken to fearless stopped the bullying so now she toys with staff.
The pain is worse with the stress. I cry out at night. Roomie mimics so it is a circus.
I feel evil for thinking I will outlive her but worry that with stress I may not.
I did not like how director who wants me out if you recall my blogs about moving into this room...she turned this about me as problem insead of loonyroomy who attacked the ombudsman too so she saw it.
Ok so a staff said to me when I spilled tea:*beep* what is wrong with you.
I screamed for help but other staff said they did not hear it.
Then the mad staff said all she said is what is wrong with you...that she never said *beep*......and with that statement proving her complete ignorance. and that I see her still here shows me the universe is a mystery without knowing.
I fearlessly called state licence complaints. But it is exhausting. I want to sleep.
My CPS is worse. I need this R F A. I may be running low on fearless. I dread the additional pain to perhaps reduce my pain. I dread going to shower at 6am under special order so I will be sanitary. There will not be heat on probably that early.
I am not fearless that this procedure will help.
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