I had a horrific time getting the last RFA but one day of pain is worth it when I could not do physical therapy and begged for pain meds before the scheduled time. But the results are miraculous reAlly. I walk around more comforrtably without the break through pain every few hours. This means I can avoid a pump. for now anyway. It has not meant I can reduce the meds everyone hoped. I always hope I can stretch out the time being comfortable. 

The thing that no one can imagine is that I never have a day without pain. not even now. but I can live at this level of pain.  Basically the pain meds do not last but they do work. It took a year or more taking one after the other crossing them off the list that this one and that one did not work until the last one,the doc said this is end of the line and gosh when it helped then life returned. I was out of bed going places too.  wow. and now years later I still am happy but it has not improved. The other option of using a pump is not considered yet because I committed to trying RFA.  I wonder as time goes by what the results of The third RFA.  so far I am enjoying comfort a little while. I ate ice cream bar sitting outside after doing physical therapy. I walked back wait for my van. first browsed gift shop and found a bracelet with 4th of july them that has glass beads and an anchor. It is my symbol. Anchor. I spoiled myself. As a mom I spend on kids.  I have gifts for son when we dine out and see bay fireworks.

I had 3 visitors yesterday and it was really nice. But one was a paid private nurse for another patient. She is jealous when that nurse comes to see me and said she was bored so they would leave. She used to be very friendly if you mean she talked. She is mean. the nurse insists on visiting and talking to me even though I told her I was not a potential paying customer plus that woman was horrible now to me for no reason. I said stay away but she comes over. then complains I was asleep already. I said yes after pill I sleep. So miss bored was dragged over earlier than dinner to see me.  miss bored owns a huge well known theater she bought that her dad cleaned. She is 90 something. I am appalled that people  close to meeting their maker are cruel.  plus hilarious that I should be a threat to this woman. but she senses how her nurse obsesses over talking with me and has a friendship. Poor miss bored cannot abide it.  Then I color. I am coloring a book to give to my son.

Pain relief has given me a better attitude. Relentless pain changes a person. Only those who have lived it know. I always want fun though. But when staff come in saying what is outside in world then I long for it but I cannot even think of doing some things. Am I the only one not wanting a reminder of a life I once enjoyed but will never be able to do again? I only visit normal life now. A friend I love envies that I do not work. As if I am on a vacation. She says she has pain too but must keep working. She compares herself to me! I said look up lacunar stroke and brain stem stroke before you think I had a mild warning only. As if I had a choice or that it is better?????  I am amused. annoyed. Reminders hurt me.  But I will be going to restaurant to see fireworks at the coast. 

I hope dizziness does not spoil it. I am ok in here but worse in new public place.  But I want to try. 

Relief means I can care about my appearance. I want a haircut and some color style. I have a picture because my speech will not be enough. I have trouble in a salon but I do it. Son will take me to a salon in the mall in the city. 

I hope more good in this summer is going to happen because this therapy is working for me. I am celebrating. 

When I can be awake and🕊🐛🐞celebrating Summer 2017!

I am doing collages again, i put up a photo to share and suggest anyone can enjoy it!