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wasted days ad wasted nights

beingnobody

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Good intentions failed, or at least in transitory hiatus.

 

I had felt fairly confident in my situation immediately following my stroke and recovery.  I am still moderately functional, and with the lifestyle I led pre-stroke being essentially sedentary and reclusive I imagined a post stroke existence not remarkably different.

 

The mind that perceives is the mind that deceives.  Reality is setting in, with an attitude of vengeance.  The VA approved me for 8 physical therapy appointments, but after 5 visits, thoroughly discouraged and disgusted with myself, I gave up.

 

I was seeing or feeling no progress, and my therapy was routine and regimented, so I just figure I would save the travel and just do the exercises alone, at home, however,,...

 

Motivation and self discipline are not playing nice together and I am slipping into a pre-depressive slump of staying up all night binge watching on Prime and Netflix.  My mind admittedly slips toward the abyss leading to that dark place from which return is dubious.

 

My optimism, good spirits and attitude have deserted me and I have begun contemplating an unsatisfactory future.

 

Woe is me, but for now I'll make an effort, minute by minute, day by tedious excruciating day, to continue.

 

That is, for now, my hope.



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hi :

 

I am glad you are recognizing bad choices you are making. I am true believer in our thoughts & choices we make in life creates our destiny & I believe happiness is a choice

 

we are responsible for our own life & I know its hard to do but whatever choice you are making in current situation just remind yourself that are you are okay with consequences of those choices, poor choices leads to poor quality of life & if you are ok with results of those choices then go ahead make those choices without feeling bad about it. This is what I have learnt from my own life experiences. Would like to know your name, cause I  you are somebody not nobody. "as long as we re alive there is more right in us than wrong. like I told you before for me having routine in life helped & that included doing my exercise.

 

Asha

 

 

 

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I get that binge watching thing, it plays havoc with your sleep patterns which does not help with getting a routine going or controlling a depressive trend.  Also knowing that exercise will help with fighting off the depression and improve your sleep is not always enough to make you change the pattern.

 

I'm in a process of breaking a late sleeping habit I fell into after surgery/anesthetic. I find setting a repeat alarm on my phone helps. it goes off at 10pm and again every 15 minutes until 11 pm, it's not a loud or long alarm and if I'm already in bed it's not enough to fully wake me.  but it is helping to keep me on track.

 

Do try to get back to your exercises and find a way to make them fun.  How you do that depends on the area you are trying to work and where/what your deficits are. Consider kicking a ball or setting yourself an obstacle course. If you are going to watch TV do some sit to stands every time an advert comes on.

 

If you don't meet your expectations for yourself don't beat yourself up about it, past is past make yourself a new plan and move forward, even if it is minute by minute. Minutes add up to hours and hours add up to days,...

 

you can do this but it won't fix itself.

:sneaking:

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I agree it can be discouraging. I was told I would fully recover in 12 months by a fool and I did not. My vestibular therapist cautioned me that stroke recovery is slow. Then a neurologist said optimism is healthy but the reality is some brain damage cannot be reversed. So I go to therapy as much as my pain allows. I cannot work on things like balance when it hurts to stand. But I continue.

 

LOL I am not one to do my homework unless I am held accountable...so I need to go. Plus I like to chat. The entire thing of my getting out helps me. 

Yes sometimes I need a break. That is ok. Then I go again.

If it gets boring I complain. Usually I over do it. My leg hurts double from even small amount of exercise except after the spinal. So that frustrates us all. But I persevere. I bought new tanks and camis to wear too. I love the excuse to clean up go out or I get lazy and down. I need someone helping caring too.

 

Some days I feel that downward let me sleep and cry and other days I am thankful I am alive eating a lemon bar. I am like a bipolar yoyo. This is hard. This is grief and pain and hope. I want my support group too. I missed it this month because of dentist. I need to talk to others in my shoes. 

You make me keep going. I say to both of us keep on going. Together we encourage and inspire complaining demanding venting. I do not want to miss out on life that is left.

Yep this is really hard.

And binge watching is NOt a wasted life lol just thinking how i worked and did kid stuff and never watched tv or movies and my son begged me to watch lord of rings after we saw first one. I now have time for movies. life is slower. But I am thankful for sight too.

And enjoying life.

I watch movies on my tiny phone with one eye and ear buds. It is like I am in that screen too.

 

 

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Pam I feel the same in many ways like a bi-polar yoyo. I go from happy/inspired/positive to sad/angry/depressed/feeling worthless and negative in the snap of a finger. I never know when something may switch my emotions. I wonder how many go through something similar. Not that I am not so grateful to be alive or don't see what is positive in my life and love to give my support to others....it's just emotional diarrhea. :yikes:It really is exhausting.

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On 7/9/2018 at 10:13 PM, heathber said:

I get that binge watching thing, it plays havoc with your sleep patterns which does not help with getting a routine going or controlling a depressive trend.  Also knowing that exercise will help with fighting off the depression and improve your sleep is not always enough to make you change the pattern.

 

I'm in a process of breaking a late sleeping habit I fell into after surgery/anesthetic. I find setting a repeat alarm on my phone helps. it goes off at 10pm and again every 15 minutes until 11 pm, it's not a loud or long alarm and if I'm already in bed it's not enough to fully wake me.  but it is helping to keep me on track.

 

Do try to get back to your exercises and find a way to make them fun.  How you do that depends on the area you are trying to work and where/what your deficits are. Consider kicking a ball or setting yourself an obstacle course. If you are going to watch TV do some sit to stands every time an advert comes on.

 

If you don't meet your expectations for yourself don't beat yourself up about it, past is past make yourself a new plan and move forward, even if it is minute by minute. Minutes add up to hours and hours add up to days,...

 

you can do this but it won't fix itself.

:sneaking:

Honestly, it does not really matter that much.  Just som late night ranting on my part.  Loneliness and not having anyone in my life to confide in.  I'll get over it, ty.

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Ty, you have us in your life.  late night ranting is not so bad.

 

and yes it "doesn't matter" but one of the side effects of posting here is that we tend to pass on what works for each of us.  Feel free to take or ignore advice given. but when someone is hurting they need a response, and will usually get one here.

virtual hugs from the other side of the world

Look after yourself.

-Heather

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