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Living on angel time.

swilkinson

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I went to see the neurosurgeon on Tuesday. I was interviewed by a young Asian associate doctor and sent for a 3D MRI and angiogram, a brand new way of showing  the blood supply within the brain. The results were given to me by the associate and then I saw the specialist. It appears the aneurysm is larger and deeper than previously thought but at my age they are not going to operate as it would mean a full brain surgery. Coiling, one method of dealing with an aneurysm, is not an option. I think I was a little bit shocked by the news but taking into consideration I have had the melanoma op, the lymph node dissection etc I am not really a good candidate for another operation, especially brain surgery.

 

The specialist was fairly brutal because I think  he wanted me to know if I wanted an operation it had to be after I got a clearance from the melanoma specialist and that would take time. He said he knew I had a long wait ahead of me but not to worry.  Not to worry!!! So back to basics, no stress, no strenuous exercise, no * blush, sounds like no fun at all. So what can I do? As usual make some decisions, live a quiet life, let the future take care of itself, one day at a time. Hell's bells, what else is new?

 

So I have a plan. I have to just go on the way I always have, going about my usual routine one day at a time. Whenever I start to worry I will visualise that little bubble about the same size as the tiny diamond on my engagement ring. I will visualise a tiny angel sitting alongside the aneurysm, with her thumb firmly on top of it holding it in place. I know one day it may be that she will take her thumb off and the pressure will build up and life as I know is it will be no more. But It will happen to us all one day, in one form or another.

 

I went to Dissection Clinic down in Sydney today and there have been no changes in the past three months to the Lymphoedema, which is good news. In the interview I told her I had regained my confidence in walking down stairs which had taken a year to do and had recently started yoga again. She seemed pleased with the progress. No more interviews in any of the Sydney specialists rooms until next February. Hurray! I have survived twelve months since the melanoma was removed and six months since the operation to remove the lymph nodes. I have a lot to be thankful for.

 

My daughter took me to both appointments, I was so glad she had the time. We stopped for lunch today before we left Sydney and although it was expensive it was a happy time and one we rarely enjoy together. She also got the news today that the position she holds as Captain of the Cardiff Corps has been extended for another twelve months which is good news for me. If she had been moved it might have been a lot further away. Her husband's appointment has also been extended. Though he will now have a wider area to cover, which means a lot more time on the road. But she said he can cope with that.

 

On a less happy note my special friend who has the leukemia has now been in hospital for eight weeks and he now seems to be getting much weaker. I have been a regular visitor and it is painful to see the deterioration. With all the people  I  have ministered to in hospital you would think I would get used to seeing that happen but I never do. I am always an optimist, thinking with the right treatment, an adjustment to their medication etc they will be fine. But that is not always the case. So maybe there is more bad news to come.

 

There are signs of Spring now, birds building nests, green grass after a little rain, even some blossoms on the prunus trees in the parks we passed today. Hopefully the nights will warm up and we can start packing away the winter clothes. I have no plans, the future is a blank canvas. Don't think there is much fun and excitement ahead but who can tell? If I wake up breathing and moderately energetic I will endeavour to have a good day.

 

 



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Sue:

 

so sorry to hear about your aneurysm , you are taking it right way, none of us like bad news but I m glad its not cancer, just take one day at a time. glad you had good time with your daughter to these doctors appointment. I feel even though all disease are bad, but with cancer & some of other disease you get chance to say proper goodbyes & tie loose ends so that when you are gone no one fights over anything & there are written instructions for everything

 

Asha

 

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Sue,

 What a shock to hear and you are putting on a great face. I truly believe you have been a blessing for many that you are going to be blessed. With all that is out in the medical field, could there be a way to decrease or monitor so you can live everyday with happiness in your heart and a smile on your face xxoox

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Oh Sue my heart really goes out to you. I believe too that you have been such a blessing to others and that you are going to be blessed exactly what Kelli said. I feel that old saying "when it rains it pours" a lot. My mom keeps telling me try so hard to focus on the moment and not the things I don't know or that I can't change right now. Both her and I know that it is easier to say than to feel/do. I'm sending you blessings and sharing what has helped me in times of true fear. God bless you.

 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

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:hug:Sue it's hard news but we all have to go sometime and it's not something you can change so as you say try to ignore it as much as possible. The reality is we all live our lives with death only a moment away, but we mostly manage not to think about it. That's certainly harder to do when it's called to our attention.  So enjoy each day and make the most of opportunities as they arise.

 

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Each step we take, each smile...all a gift from God. You have accepted these gifts with much joy, Sue. You’ve made your heart glad to be alive. You are awesome.

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Dear Sue,

I hate hearing the news.  But, I love the title of the blog. Living on Angel time.  You have been such an inspiration to me.  Your blogs have sustained me and inspired me.  You have the spirit that is so loving and giving.  We caregivers are a special group of angels here on earth.  It is amazing to me how we touch each other.  Living each day, as a gift from God is the only way to go.  I Love you.   Ruth  Your are amazing at writing.

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Sue, Although I have never met you in person, I feel  you have listened and know my secrets,and shared your life in a transparent and inspirational way,and with so much love and wisdom in your blogs. The greatest gift to us bloggers has been that you give the gift of your time to read our lives and even summarize so each of us cpuld learn about each other.

 

Living on angel time is a quotable classic Sue. I will quote you often. One friend told me as I grappled with my unfinished goals in life...we are not guaranteed life.

I heard this with shock, because I expected to live. I failed to accept that my life,each moment is a gift, and not on my time at all. I stammered but I need to finish this or that.I planned plotted schemed

...ah the plans of mice and men.

 

But we are promised peace,and we are promised that we are never alone,we have been wrapped in God's loving arms.

 

Thank you Sue for showing me how to graciously accept the difficult, the unknown

 You are brave and strong. But when you search for those attributes, yes you have an angel. When I had a stroke, I was so calm, I did feel angels around me. We are never alone. And you have Ray waiting for you Sue. You are so lucky to be a loved beautiful person. Be fearless. Be free.

 

I pray you will always be comfortable,and that your angel will keep a tight hold because we need you, I need you.

 

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Angel---your mine. Actually you are a angel to many of us. Always there with a reply and encouragement. You have led by example, and with love. None of us know- none of most likely want to know. Your the best - thank you for the update .... Nancy

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Wow, you have came thru so much, Sue.   You are an amazing woman and I have been blessed to have gotten to read your blog over the years.   It is true that we are all, perhaps living on angel time, we just don't know it yet.     Peace in the time of knowing it, is all any of us can pray for, and you are shining like a star right now!

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