• entries
    102
  • comments
    582
  • views
    25,007

I've Been Quiet Here...Feeling Like an Update


HostTracy

98 views

Time has passed well slowly or is it rather quickly...hmm times are confusing these days. I suppose that question depends on the day. It's not hard to recognize that the world is a bit out of kilter this year and I hope going forward we as people take the best we can from it. Finding peace has never started out being calm most times. Change is hard but it is a good teacher or reminder. I suppose as for me, I am oddly calm inside...watching the world around me in a kind of slow motion...observing. A weird way to think about it but I am content to stay close to my inner peace (for sanity's sake lol). I suppose I am grateful that today I am in a more realistic mind frame than I used to be. I realize there are so many things I am not in control of and choose to not let them weigh heavy on my soul. I'm not afraid of dying (even that sounds weird to myself). Also, my heart loves people (of every race, culture,etc., etc.)...all people though I am absolutely a hermit haha (I just feel better alone, inside, with my Kitty and new baby kitty Bella). Outside is too...too much for my brain and it's now outside of my comfort zone. How ironic, I was the absolute social butterfly before stroke and now I am 100% the opposite. I'm ok with me though. Probably much better with myself than others are with me. It's my goal and my Neurologist's and Psychiatrist's orders (remove all that stresses you for your health). I have found out that people stress me more than most anything so what is the answer make my home a haven. 🙂 for me!

 

So, I have been quite relaxed during lockdown moments. It's my jam!!!! :wink:I've kept myself busy crafting and continuing my painting, focusing on keeping my bird feeders full so I have happy birds in my back yard, spoiling my fur babies, catching up on some Netflix, trying to learn new tricks to help my sleep normalize (not always successful), and planning a bunch of fall DIY's. These are things that make me feel good inside. Still pressing forward, trying new things, practicing things I already know, trying my best at increasing the good feels. I'm winning more than losing these days and I'll take it! I'm not too hard on myself and allow mistakes. If I fall off I just get back on that pony and keep on riding. I try to ignore those who judge ignorently (ok without knowledge) me and what I do or don't do. I'm getting pretty darn good at knowing my normal and I am good with myself. I know how much I do and how much effort I put into my everything and if someone doesn't understand that well it's their issue (they probably worry about it more than I ever do so I'm glad I'm not them). Well that was the long way of saying...I like me and in all truth that is the most imortant thing for me and hopefully for each person to like themselves. Ok...off my podium now lol.

 

It has been a hot, humid August so far. Ick the air is thick!!!! Thank you Lord for my trusty A/C! 🙏 I think most of the chilfdren in my area are going back to physical school. I sure hope so because even though I thought summer break could not get here quick enough I looked forward to starting a fresh new year each year. I'm so glad I had that without fail and I bet in the long run most kids will agree. I have already started my fall DIY's and changed some summer decor to fall...getting ahead of the curve. I look forward to fall leaves, cool wind, sweater weather (not cold!), pumkins, mums, and all the coziness of fall. If it were up to me it would be spring and fall all year with no humidity and no temperatures below 45ish lol. Nature does what she wants though and I find myself lucky to get a taste of all 4 seasons.

 

I am starting on a new part of my journey soon in two ways. First I'm having varicose vein therapy so I am excited for more comfort and well prettier legs. I'm not vain but it's been a while lol. Also, I decided to go to a weight loss surgery consultation. This is a big step for me. I find that I can't get moving enough to lose weight and it is creeping up slowly oz. by oz. Since they never figured out why I had my stroke, I have to think about all the factors I can change to help reduce reoccurance. Weight has been my foe though I have conquered most other risks. My Neurologist suggested last year that I think about it and I quickly said "absolutely no". I feel ready...ready to embrace change and face my fears and believe that I can accomplish it. So, fingers crossed I go the 2nd of September to my consult to truly explore all my options. I am hoping a few of you will cheer me on haha. :terrified::big-grin::hug:I will keep you posted! Before I end I just want to say thank you to all who have been such wonderful friends and support here and for those who pay it forward to others. I'm not going anywhere I just wanted to say what I feel. I am a better me with you!

Stay safe, wash your hands with soap and water, and wear a mask for the safety of others! :smile:

15 Comments


Recommended Comments

I feel your  ‘Jam’. I often tell people I was made for lockdown. You’re projects are beautiful.  Hot and humid are two words not suitable for anything outside.image.png

Link to comment

Oh I just noticed that picture has a nose piercing..I forgot about that. Just didn’t have a septum ring to complete the look 😉

Link to comment

Kelli I love that avatar!! You are right! Hot, humid and heck no! I'm not sure if that is humerus or not. 😅 I tried. 

Link to comment
3 hours ago, heathber said:

Sounds like you are on top of life right now. Best of luck with surgery plans and vein treatment.

 

:hug:

Thank you Heather! I am trying my very best! 

Link to comment

Tracy you go girl!!

 

I'm so thrilled for your surgeries! When we feel good about ourselves a lot of other things fall into place!

 

Two kitty cats to love! Nothing could be better!

 

BTW: you aren't "trying " your best, you are "doing" your best!!

 

Love you!

 

💚👑

Link to comment
22 hours ago, HostTracy said:

I'm not sure if that is humerus or not. 😅 I tried. 

An oldie but a goodie, nothing beats a good "Dad Joke"

Just keep on keeping on and doing your best to be your best. Trying gets "trying". As in when I used to moan to my Mum "I'm trying" when I was not doing well at something and she would reply "very!"

I vote for doing, overall it's better for your mental health.

Hugs to all

-Heather

Link to comment

Tracy :

 

thanks for updating I am so glad you are enjoying & loving your new routine, loving your arts & crafts, your kitties & trying your best in getting your sleep pattern streamlined, I am sorry sometimes  I am critical  & complain about not showing up on time at the appointment, since it is hard for me to understand that part as brain damage & not laziness. I am glad you take my comments in the right spirit without getting offended about it.

Asha

Link to comment
On 8/20/2020 at 8:51 PM, HostAsha said:

Tracy :

 

thanks for updating I am so glad you are enjoying & loving your new routine, loving your arts & crafts, your kitties & trying your best in getting your sleep pattern streamlined, I am sorry sometimes  I am critical  & complain about not showing up on time at the appointment, since it is hard for me to understand that part as brain damage & not laziness. I am glad you take my comments in the right spirit without getting offended about it.

Asha

Thank you Asha. 🙂 It's OK. I know 100% you have your heart in the right place. I get frustrated all the time and I chose to let that go and feel peace in my heart too. Otherwise I'd be a lot less happy and way more negative. Trust me I don't say that toward you at all... It's been 5 years and well I've learned to be OK with me even when others can't "get" the invisible stuff. I'm glad you and some others don't deal with that! We are all different and we have all had struggles. None of us have gotten to where we are the easy way... It's just different. Thank you for being you and for not completely giving up on me. 🙂 I try new things to help improve me and hopefully not all will be fails. If anything, I am stubborn so I'm in it for the long run! 🏃‍♀️

Link to comment
On 8/20/2020 at 2:35 AM, GreenQueen said:

Tracy you go girl!!

 

I'm so thrilled for your surgeries! When we feel good about ourselves a lot of other things fall into place!

 

Two kitty cats to love! Nothing could be better!

 

BTW: you aren't "trying " your best, you are "doing" your best!!

 

Love you!

 

💚👑

Janelle you always put a smile on my face... Thank you! I'm excited even if a bit unsure. I hope that things falling into place holds true... I will make the best of it no matter! 

 

Baby Bella is so sweet. I'm pretty sure I have decided to let her be adopted. I have spoken to a really nice lady from our local shelter. She reassured me Bella would be safe. They spay/neuter, give all shots, give full health care, micro chip each dog or cat (if ever lost and found you can find the pets owner this way)... Then she will be out for adoption. As I sit here writing this my heart still tugs. I'm not sure either decision will be perfect for my heart. I love her little fiesty soul and I also see her needing a family that can keep up with her busy body! She ate 3 of my baby succulents this morning! Well chewed them to death and they were I thought out of her reach. Sigh... I'm still not sure! 😕 Love you! ❤️

Link to comment

Kittens will be kittens unfortunately, they get into all sorts of places you thought were out of reach. I know you and Kitty will both miss her when she goes but it will give her a better life.

Stroke is one time where stubborn is a trait in your favour. Plenty of times I've had to recruit the inner stubborn since I stroked. You go girl and remember we love you and support you.💙

Link to comment

We have to make hard decisions at times. Giving away such an amusing little kitten will be a hard one but as you say she needed a high energy family to keep up with her. You will be fine, you will have lots of other things to keep you busy and keep you interested in life. That is what's my motivation, keeping interested in other happenings and my mind off the things I cannot fix.

Link to comment

Thank you guys. I'm intent on making the right choice for baby Bella. I been way more heart broken before and I survived! Besides Kitty and I are 2 peas in a pod... We like to cuddle, we like to nap, and we like the quiet life. I'm missing her snuggles... Bella has sort of decided my chair and in my lap are her go to places and Kitty will start to come sit with me and then she sees the kitten and turns back around! 😢

Link to comment
On 8/19/2020 at 7:47 PM, ksmith said:

I feel your  ‘Jam’. I often tell people I was made for lockdown. You’re projects are beautiful.  Hot and humid are two words not suitable for anything outside.image.png

Hibernating in Michigan ✌️

Link to comment

Tracy letting Bella live a different life shows what a kind and generous heart you have. Knowing and accepting she needs a different family is awesome. 

I think Kitty will be happier too.

The Wise Woman in you is very wise indeed!

💚👑

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.