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Musings and random thoughts.....


GeorgeLesley

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Recently this blog has become mostly historical reporting on what we have been doing and what we hope to do in the future. This entry will be a bit different, musings and thoughts that just come along, so lets get on with it. Most of us have had lots of extra time as of late to just think about things, read books, catch up with old friends which is easy because you are sure they will be home, eat into the “honey do” list, etc, etc. well, I am no different so while I have been stroking my beard covered chin musing about the state of the world, I have also thought much about my life (now75) and how things worked out for me.

 

Well lets see, some worked out well for me. Two good lucky picks for wives. The first lasted 28 years before she passed, and now 19 years and counting with the second one. During my time with these ladies I have traveled to 30 countries and all 50 states. I have been nursed back from a stroke. I have lived my life dream of living in Northern Minnesota in the wilderness and fishing my summers away in a solo canoe. Both ladies have spoiled me rotten. Not sure what they got out of it, but since they stuck around I guess they got enough to keep them satisfied. 

 

A comment from the first wife summed it up nicely. As the end was nearing and we both knew it, I asked her one day that since we can still travel at the moment, is there anyplace you would like to go or is there anything you still want to do? After a long pause, she looked at me and said “no, I think we have done it all”. I was dumbfounded but happy. She passed a few months later, finally at peace. I made a lousy bachelor and Lesley and I married 4 months later.

 

So far there has been no need to ask anything like that of Lesley. But her mum lived with us for the last three years of her life. One evening as she drifted off to sleep we heard her talking to God. We heard her say among other things, “God, I am ready to go, no regrets”. That was the second lady in my life I heard have such peace facing the future. As she spent the last five days with us in a coma, we confidently whispered in her ear, “it’s OK mum, you can go now, God is waiting for you”.

 

So where does this leave me? Well, still pondering. Yes life has had it’s great moments for me, a few wins where I was blessed enough to hopefully make a difference. Sadly, I can also recall times where I missed the opportunity or was, even worse, the actual problem or part of it. Hopefully I have learned from those failures and will attempt do better in the future. 

 

Where to go from here, well I have decided to be more giving by nature. Sounds easy, but in practice the old spirit can rear it’s ugly head. A longtime friend of mine told be he carries 3-4 $100 bills in his wallet and his goal is to give them out every year as the spirit gives him the urge. I have not started that program, but am now always on the lookout for opportunities to do good things. Recently three children that lived next to us were abandoned by their parents. The great grand parents stepped in and took them. We were able to help and still do so from time to time as we can.

 

i tell you folks this not to garner praise but to alert us all that opportunities like this exist all around us if we but open our eyes and hearts.

I find the more I do, the more happiness I find. The more I realize it is not about me but someone else, the happier I get. My tipping has gone up. No longer do I worry about the exact percentage, but just do what seems right. Not trying to brag here, just share a source of joy I have found that we can all share in. I think with the state of affairs the world is in today, it would be a better place if more of us did these sort of things. Yes, we all have dark times and things we would like to be better, but if we look around we will not have to look far to find someone worse off than ourselves.

 

now it is time to practice my music I started a year ago. I am trying to put together a Christmas medley. That is one thing I would start sooner in life if I could live it over. I really enjoy it.

 

Well, the musings are over for today, let us all try this next year to try and find someone or something that needs our help. Bye for now.....

 

 

 

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Good read Gizmo! Particularly from my seat as a 70 year old.  I remind myself there are 10,000 things I can still do (in spite of my left side having mobility still but little sensation) instead of the 1,000 I can't. What I have come to dislike is this labeling that's done to everything these day. What started this was I had a few days of tears and sadness. My wife and caregiver asked if I was depressed. I had been thinking the "extra" tears already and knew it wasn't close to depression. The only time that was an issue in my life was post stroke almost 6 years back. I know what the crying was. I was angry again that this happened to me and was wanting to be 70 and not in this position. We have the right to be angry. It happens from time to time and I think it's healthy for me. "They" would like to say "Oh you're depressed. Here's a script.  uh-uh! I feel so very fortunate to be in the position I'm in but hesitate to go in much detail because I know some aren't. 

 Paying it forward. A great thing to do if we can. The local food bank was just sent a donation which will be duplicated if the dire need is still there next month. Very sad situation there. We also support the Shriner's Hospitals for Children monthly. It use to be St. Jude but I decided to switch. 

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Will occasionally things do get to you that are actually fine most of the time. Knowing why the tears come is a big help in making them go away again for a while. At least that's what I find. Medication for it is warranted if/when it's getting in the way of your life. If it means you aren't getting out of bed or that you aren't eating properly it's time to ask for help. But if it's a few days of anger and frustration and most of the time you are fine then that's life, stroke or no stroke, and medication probably isn't needed, but it's a personal choice too.

 

Feelings are all valid and need to be acknowledged. what you do after that is up to you. Sometimes you can choose to wallow, but do try not let that be the default position, as you say there are still 10,000 things you can do and of the 1,000 you can't maybe there's a way to do them differently that will also make you feel better.  Like your charity giving, just because you always gave to X doesn't mean you have to keep giving there, if you think someone else could use your help more or better.

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Thanks Heathber! Yes I knew where the tears were coming from. Same place as one, two maybe three months ago. Here's one for you. During one of those crying jags I'm riding my recumbent bike with my ear buds listing to inspirational workout music and tears running down my cheeks. Ha-ha!  Brother I think sometimes I'm my own best entertainment. I'm sleeping great for 2 reasons. I've given into the night owl life style which suits me best. My wife is out by 8 or 9 on the couch and that's ok but all that does for me if I do that is leave me wide awake at 2AM. The other is I refuse to feel any quilt about any sleep I want. I am and we are in some very difficult situations. It has been nice to not have a fatigued brain when trying to function. Eating for me I describe as eating to live and not living to eat. I am lucky to be married to the salad gueen. If I eat fast food it's big news to people who know me well.  

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George:

 

your musing is always so inspirational. I also find when you are giving to others you feel better. I am so happy you lucked out in your wives choice. do you have any kids?

 

Asha

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19 hours ago, Willis said:

Here's one for you. During one of those crying jags I'm riding my recumbent bike with my ear buds listing to inspirational workout music and tears running down my cheeks.

Yep there's something about giving in to the tears and just letting them fall that helps. Combining them with an exercise that doesn't need too much concentration is a great idea. I admit I usually just recline my chair,turn the music up loud and make sure I have a box of tissues handy. It doesn't last too long that way. If I'm lucky the cat will sit with me.

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 I look at my occasional crying jags this way. Have any of you been to a park for kids that has a "Splash Pad" ? They are for summer days and they have all kinds of contraptions dumping water on the kids. One of them is a ring about 25 foot in diameter and 8 to 10 feet in the air. It has 5 or 6 different colored buckets spaced evenly around the ring. They each have their own water supply and they each constantly are filled and then tip over on the child standing below with each dumping at different times. They are on some type of pivot that makes them eventually spill when they become full and then refill again and repeat this over and over. They didn't have that stuff when I was a kid! So I see me and us as the buckets. We have a constant supply of challenges filling our buckets all day everyday and after so long that bucket becomes too full and needs to be emptied.

 

 

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Thx for all the great comments and stories. I hope we can all use this bad time in the world to reflect on ourselves a bit. Asha, no I do not have natural kids. The first wife was an insulin dependent diabetic and back in the early 1970’s childbirth was not recommended for type 1 diabetics. In fact, she lost a sister giving birth to a child, so we made the no kids decision. We did attempt adoption but being overseas for the first 7 years of our marriage, that did not work out either.

 

Lesley has a son and he and I get along very well and I am proud to consider him my son as well. When I leave this earth, everything goes to him after Lesley.

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