I am in a somewhat bummed out mood today. The stroke cheerleader went on vacation, which is a positive thing since I was getting sick of her shaking her pom poms in my face all the time.

By asking myself "who am I"? all the time, I've pretty much filled in the blanks and regarded it as truth. But is it truth? Is it ego? Is it nothing more then values and morals? Are we nothing more then our ghosts of the past experiences that we take away the lessens learned?

I feel strongly about certion things, theres no rhyme or reason to what I feel strongly about. But what I do feel strongly over, I try to stay true to myself and not cave in to peer or social pressure to act a certion way. I try to always be a free spirit with a moral conscience at times. So I got to thinking today about moving on with my life and what path to take. Which in turn led me to thinking about how I've defined myself and if I was compromising my own definition?

This all started over zoning. There are problems with the amount of property we have, not enough to satisfy the zoning board in our town. It seems both the house and the barn each need 20000 square feet of property. So my plans are at a screeching halt over renovating the barn as my house. But it is amazing what ideas come to mind when you want something bad enough and what one will do to get what one wants. But I'm not doing anything yet. I'm waiting to see what the spouse does, I live in hope he wants to shed me as badly as I want to shed him. So it is a waiting game now. Maybe I'll have myself phsycho analyzed by the time I move into the barn.

Pam