Bill

when John and i used to attend Recovering Couples Anonymous, there was a part of the opening when each person read aloud a component of unhealthy love and its healthy alternative (it was called something else.)

the most painful aspect of our relationship used to be when John was trying to make me "fit in" to his family of origin and accept being a part of a tribe where the women had no education or careers, could only talk about gossip, children, and recipes, and called themselves by their husbands' last names, and everybody was ignorant, sexist, and racist. my not becoming a part of this dysfuctional tribe was as painful to him as his brain injury. once he realized that they didn't recognize or care about his TBI, and thought he was just scamming the medicolegal system, he gave up on them, and we are getting along just fine.

families are an overrated entity. the family that i make for myself with my friends is far more important and meaningful that anyone that i share more DNA than usual with.

i believe that sometimes people feel that i am not a proper wife, daughter, etc., because i believe very strongly that i am whole unto myself and not just a piece or part of another person. i spent countless years in therapy and 11 years (and counting) in Al-Anon to disengage from a toxic family of origin and (first) marriage and become the whole person who i am. for every person who points a finger at me, i say, there are five fingers pointing back at you.

sandy

I had been married to someone who didn't really love me for who I am....it was a painful experience of 19 years to finally end it :head_hurts: