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Cruella DeVille

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Let me introduce myself. I'm Cruella DeVille, HostPam's evil twin. I find she hogs the body all the time and when I get my turn, it is only for a short time and I've got to make the best of the time alloted to me. :(

 

She is considering letting me loose more often. Which suits me just fine, I think Pam doesn't realize the value to playing it up as a stroke survivor, she needs to play to the crowd that tells her"You look great, why aren't you back to work yet"? I can't wait to gleefully tell them, cause I'm lazy and don't have to be responsible for anything anymore. I have deficits, deal with them. You can do my grocery shopping and pay my bills too while you're at it. I can really truely become selfish and enjoy it cause it is tiresome to be striving and working so hard on a daily basis, to be told, why aren't you working? Theres nothing wrong with you!

The X sent the seperation papers- I had told him he had one chance to be fair, not to P*** me off with his demands, that I could change my offer of what I wanted or would agree to, cause we had agreed it was all about the kids, they didn't need to be dragged threw the courts or made to choose. So I had backed off, I had moved out of the house and the day I moved out, the next door neighbor moved in, literally. They just moved out of the house a month ago, it is now for sale. When the X found me this apartment he was full of promises to help me pay for it, well that wwas a lie as he would've promised anything so he could move forward with the neighbor. So that is water under the bridge, it happened a year ago. I stayed here in this apartment as it was right around the corner from the house. Big mistake as it is a small towen and her moving into my house the night I moved out caused a major scandal in town. I was deeply hurt and offended by what they did. But I worked on letting it go, not becoming bitter and twisted over it. I thought of the kids..... I've struggled financially for the last 12 months, I've done without just to exist and keep my head above water. So fast forward to the seperation papers that have been coming to my lawyer since February.....

The body of which was nothing more then a wish list for a selfish Narcisist, who still claims"We've done nothing wrong"!!! I make $1400.00 monthly on disability, my rent is 975.00, internet is 50.00, cable phone add another 150.00 and don't forget groceries and gas and paying to get rid of the garbage and I'm in the red every month. Plus both kids get 192.00 a month from SS cause I'm disabled and he wants 650.00 more a month in child support! Over half of what I get. He wants both trucks, he wants my share of the mortgageI should have been paying for the last year. Yeah right like I could afford to pay it and I refused to support her. So to tie me up I've been going to move south where the cost of living is much cheaper, well I have liberal visitation rights but I can only see the kids in this town, in NY state. So off come the kid gloves, Cruella has come to town, Cruella feeds on inequality and selfishness. Cruella feels that Pam has handled this all wrong, she shouldn't have attempted to be independent and strong and denied that she was disabled. Cruella screeches at Pam...."What were you thinking"?????? Cruella's theme song is "We're not gonna take it anymore!" Cruella is the Grand Marshal of the parade of tackling tough subjects and is putting an end to the meek acceptance of milk toast topics, she refuses to whitewash anything, she refuses to conform and Cruella is mortified over the passage of free thinking intellectuals that aren't scared to stand up and take a unpopular view to the masses that just stick to the status Quo. She misses her contemporaries. It is apparent that the time is fast approaching to find something else. Cruella feels that much is one sided anymore and there isn't anything to be gotten here any longer, especially free thinking.

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Pam

 

i really like your new persona, but you have to give yourself another name. i've already named my mother-in-law Cruella DeVille, to go with my mother's Mommie Dearest. Besides, i do not think that telling it like it is, refusing to accept milk toast topics and whitewashing, and being politically correct equals making cute Dalamtion puppies into fur coats.

 

as for your ex, i think that you should refuse to accept this separation agreement and fight him every step of the way. this is his reaction to you staying in NY, and he hopes that you will quietly and meekly move to Mars and never see the kids again. you are both independent and strong and disabled, and since your ex is being a total dick, you should make him pay till he throws up.

 

sandy

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Pam

 

I'm glad you're letting Cruella out of the box where your coming divorce is concerned. What the x is asking for is outragous, especially considering the way he treated you after the stroke in those first few years and his affair. In our state it's really hard to divorce a disabled person without paying them a hefty amount of alimony. The state wants the spouse, not the state, to support them. So pull of the white gloves and get some legal advice. If you can't afford it, seek out the free legal aid services. You don't need this now, especially with Bill so sick and in the hospital again!

 

Jean

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Pam,

You are on a high wire act of sorts, aren't you? You know the value of an amicable divorce for the sake of the kids, and yet he is trying to *beep* you to the wall. Seems he is more concerned with getting all he can out of the situation than he is with the well-being of the mother of his children. You would hope a person would want their kids lives to be as stable as possible, and having two parents who are able to work together is a HUGE part of that. (They don't have to like one another) How unfortunate that your X can't see the potential damage he is doing to his kids, that this does not affect just you. Seems that doing the right thing will be all up to you.

 

Take off the gloves, Pam. Don't let him *beep* you over because you are tired of fighting. I know this process could be SO TIME CONSUMING, TIRING, FRUSTRATING, and UNFAIR, and I know time and energy is easier said than done. Do your best to be fair so when the dust settles, and maybe when your kids are older and can see what happened for themselves, you will be able to hold your head with pride.

 

BUT FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT AND FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE AND DON'T GIVE UP!!!

 

Kristen

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Pam:

 

I agree with what everybody said in their responses. fight for your right, don't hold back because of kids, you should get half of everything including right to kids wherever you are. first of all he had affair at such a important time in your life when you needed him most, but if you overlook just that still he can't run all over you, get that cruela devil out and make his life miserable

 

Asha

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In Canada you would be entitled to half of everything and also half his salary in these

circumstances or even more. I would fight for all that y can get as y contributed to the marriage

and your children before stroke.

Best of Luck

lorrainelm

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Go for it Girl, I know of situations where one spouse lets the other live in the house for the kids, but if another person lives in the house the deal is void. You can put a contingency that when the last child is 18 or when the house is sold you get 1/2.. You moved out, he moved you out, did not pay any alimony, (which you ay be able to get) had a verbal agreement to help you (which he did not). If you can possibly get a lawyer I strongly suggest to do so... and in the paper work put that he is responsible for your attorneys bill.. Also. you have a right to a portion of his retirement... YOU GO GIRL.

 

Bonnie

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Just to let you all know. I do have a lawyer and I will do my best to get what I can, but it is becoming apparent that what is right and "should happen" isn't always the case how it all pans out.

But in the meantime, thanks for all the support. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Pam

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