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JUST ANOTHER MORNING

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As most of you know, I was married 16 years when I stroked at age 37 4 years ago. Things went rapidly downhill with my spouse and I as he couldn't handle the stroke and how it changed me. He rejected me because I was handicapped now, in a world ruled by appearances and illusion, nothing less then perfection is allowed in. So I stuck it out for 3 years post stroke. We didn't talk just lived at the same address for 3 years and the tension just kept mounting. In May of 2005 I moved into my own apartment and began a period of being on permanent vacation from life, my stress had been reduced and it was just me and the dog and cat.

The guy I used to call my spouse had taken up with the next door neighbor before I moved out and she moved in the night I moved out. They've since moved over around the corner into her grandfathers house. I just moved back into my house this past weekend with Bill.

 

Now I think Bill is a brave supportive guy to move back into my marital residence with me. The X is livid and causing problems. Myself, I'm still trying to shake this wierd sense of De je vu(sp.?) I find myself hearing past arguements and cruel hurtful things that must still be hanging dormant in the air. I feel those feelings inside of being less then perfect and I struggle against the mentality and conditioning that those words have value in.

 

All over again, I seem to be heading down the acceptance path. It is no more fun the on the second visit then it was on the first visit. I seem to be searching for my inner peace, it got misplaced in the last week. I still think that post stroke life is all in what we make it. I can put the dishes away from the dishwasher every morning, I can go up and down all those flights of stairs sideways cause there is only one rail. I can put the dirty laundry in a back pack and carry it to the basement and do our laundry. I can still do alot of things. My next project is to get out in my garden and reclaim it from the weeds.

Those hurtful words were just sounds on the air that hit my ears, they mean nothing.Anothers opinion means nothing, it is how I feel about myself..And I like myself, and I have come a very long way and the stroke and X hasn't won yet.

Pam

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Pam:

 

I love your attitude towards life, I like the fact that you deal with life head on, and not dwell in selfpity, u r one of my hero. I m happy you are reclaiming ur house, don't go easy on ur X, but make sure kids r not getting affected in cross fire.

 

Asha

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It has to be difficult living in a house where there were "unhappy" memories, especially since most things are still there.

 

Can you paint the rooms a different color, change the lay out of the furniture? Have a little "ceremony" with candles and wine to chase out the old memories. You have a great attitude and I know you will overcome this, but it is difficult to be in a place where you were unhappy. I know you'll keep your chin up.... YOU ARE A SURVIVOR of LIFE

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Pam,

 

That garden is a good place to find your peace of mind again. It was yours and without you it didn't trive. There is something about working outside in the dirt that helps you find inner balance.

 

The house is just a house, Pam. Don't let those "past arguements and cruel hurtful things" said in that house fill up your head. When you feel yourself dwelling on something negative, try to re-focus your thoughts to happy times with your kids. You've got far more years of happy memories in that house to find that those post-stroke awlful memories. Try Bonnie's idea and have an exorcism ceremony. Sometimes a formal ending is what we need to get rid of bad karma.

 

Jean

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Pam,

 

The garden is where I go to let out my frustrations (poor weeds don't know what hit them). I was told to take my frustrations on things that can't hurt back and it works!

 

I now have beautiful roses, tomatoes, and flowers coming up now. The dog s--- is another story!!! But at least it makes me walk very cautiosly(sp) more than I'm used to.

 

Go enjoy your garden and create some good memories for yourself.

 

Cindy

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When you start having bad thoughts about previous occurances start humming "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair". (wink)

 

You're on the upswing. I agree

 

1. take it out on the weeds.

 

2. Paint over the rooms is cheery new colors (if you guys can)

 

 

3) Meditate on how far you've come and what you'd like to make your future...

 

 

4) Start your own "new life" program :friends: :giggle:

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Like your garden, if the weeds stay, they'll kill the plant - so you MUST rid yourself of those weed-like memories in your home - perhaps you both could move to a newer place where you'll make your own memories

GOOD LUCK

June

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