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Are Husbands suppose to have opinions?

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givincare

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I love him, don't get me wrong. But I have been secretly contemplating on ways I could kill him. Okay, kill is a bit strong. Mame would work...

 

We are in the process of getting OUR first house. Overall this has been allot of fun, looking at what is on the market, and finding out what our tastes are, what our needs are, and what out wants are. It has been a challenging process, as Patrick and I have different ideas on what will work for us. Thankfully though, we have found our "perfect house" and the ball is in motion to make it ours. We are not anticipating any challenges as far as getting the house is concerned. But we seemed to hit a brick wall at................................... the interior decor. You heard right. The freakin decorating. And isn't it funny that a man with aphasia has no problem in telling me that he doesn't like anything I like...

 

We are not getting new furniture or making any other major purchases for the new house (with the exception of a washer and dryer- we couldn't move ours when we came out here). We ARE looking forward to painting the walls though as we have always lived in rentals aka WHITE WALLS. This house has NO painted walls right now, and we both agree that we will paint probably every room. Hey- we can always repaint it white if we want! The funny thing is, we can even agree on wall color for the most part...at least in theory.

 

So we decided on a muted brown mustard color possibly for the living room (except everytime we are in a non-coffee house place with this color walls, it never seems to be the shade he likes). We go to coffee shops fairly often, and you see the colors of soft, dark, yellow, greens, purples, and tara cotta together accented by black metal accessories etc. We both like the relaxing colors and contemporary atmosphere of the coffee shops. So where is our problem? ACCESSORIES. OMG. We can not agree on something as stupid as a throw pillow.

 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Throw pillows are made to be changed out when you get bored! They are cheap! they have no function but to look nice! We could buy or make different pillows and switch them out every week! Every day! U G H!

 

But I show him pillows or artwork for the walls..."No." "No." "No." Okay then, "Will you please show me ANYTHING you DO like?" "Dali." "You want to put Salvidor Dali on the walls?" "Yes." So we look at Dali prints.

 

Okay, I like Dali. But the more I am looking at them, the more I am thinking, I DO NOT want these creepy, long legged elephants staring at me everyday after work!" For me, the wall decor needs to match the mood and color scheme you want to create. For Patrick, it needs to be ART, and it doesn't matter the color. If you like it, put it up.

 

What else did he find that he liked? A $75 dollar vase at a furniture store. Okay, I am not against paying that for a piece of artwork. BUT, this is some mass-produced vase that is only charging that much because it is in a discount furniture store. And because Patrick is in love it, I think he is discriminating on everything else I show him because it doesn't go with the vase!!!

 

We bought our first print the other day, and I asked him at least five times if he liked it. "Yes." Are you sure? "Yes." We are in the check outline paying for it, and he says, "Bedroom?" NO, NOT THE BEDROOM THE LIVING ROOM. Are you kidding me? Have you been thinking this was for the bedroom the whole time??? "No...living room." Well thank goodness! Whew, close one....until last night when he says, "Not living room. Yuck. Bedroom-okay." Guess I will be returning the print next week.

 

I am trying so hard to please both our tastes, and not take over the decorating of the house (t is OUR house) and he seems to have genuine concern over the decor. But he better start compromising soon too, or I am gonna kick him in the shins.

 

Why can't I have a normal husband who just says, "Yes, dear!" over this kind of stuff! White walls, he we come.

Kristen

 

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Even without a stroke...OY!!! I hear ya!!! Good luck...it is hard when two people are trying to blend their tastes on rooms. Perhaps you can choose a room and then he can choose a room and leave it that way rather than trying to blend both opinions in ONE room...does that make sense!!!

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Christen,

 

I can SO identify with this blog. Don and I built our house after his stroke and I thought I'd go nuts debating both sides of this kind of decisions you're describing up above with my aphasic husband. Fortunately, we already had art work we both loved so common sense won out most often because we had to match the decor` to the art..

 

I laughed at your "pillow" debate. We bought 3 sets of pillows before we got it 'right.' Swapping them out on cleaning day makes a lot of sense to me if you can't agree.

 

Good luck! It's not easy trying to compromise with someone who can't tell you why they love or hate something.

 

Jean

 

P.S. Dali is interesting to on the walls of a museum but I couldn't live with his art either. :D

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Kristen:

 

I don't have aphasic husband, but I go through same fights all the time, we can't seem to agree on any furniture, so result is our half of house is empty and we live on very essential furniture.

 

but still we both love our house without sofa in it in our formal living room

 

Asha

 

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Last time we painted Ray got to choose the kitchen paint, came home on the day it was painted and said: "No. no no." Luckily the painters were still here. So they cut the paint color 50/50 with white, repainted it,"yes" it was okay. I think it is a post-stroke thing, perseption and reality are a little askew.

 

Glad you are getting excited about the changes to your new house.

 

Sue.

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Well guys I think many men have decorating tastes in their mouth and this does not help when trying to pick colors and furniture...Let me tell you I have gone through it all...won some and compromised on others only to be sorry in the end.....

at least he is not trying to mask baseboards and trim which is what happened to us this last time...to say the least things are not quite like they should be, a bit of touch up required....I bought a picture for my former house and paid a good dollar for it now I wish I hadn't as since changing decor it does not go as well as I wished so am going to buy in expensive ones from now on...lesson learned...Let him help pick colors or assessories for another room and then tell him they are not available at present.. works for me {sometimes}Wish you luck Deenie

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There is a new program on The Home and Garden channel starting on Friday evenings.. Decorating Therapy for Couples..

 

Mine says do what ever.. but he does put his opinion in on furniture prints. We do come to an agreement quite easily.. so it hasn't been an issue.

 

I change things on the wall and he doesn't even notice usually unless I point to it..(lol) he is more interested in his tractor outside.

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Kristen,

 

I gave up caring about our house decor, a long, long, time ago. Rob being an artist, has very definite ideas about what he wants to live around. He made fun of me years ago, about me buying a piece of art in a waterbed store before we started dating.... He never lets me forget that.

 

Our house has a very masculine decor with hunting trophies on the walls, lots of animal parts, bones, skulls, bird parts..... He loves these things around him.... I could care less. It's not a battle I'm going to take on.

 

One time in an effort to assert my feminity, for our bed, I purchased sheets with pink flowers and a matching comforter.... needless to say, it just didn't feel right, and has since been replaced.

 

I think the couples that get along best in these situations are the ones, where one just doesn't care.....

 

Good luck Kristen --

 

-Karen

 

 

 

 

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When we had to have our house adapted so I could come home, my husband was kind and let me choose from my hospital bed; he brought samples to choose from. That way I got a tasteful peach and gray wetroom and bedroom (luckily taste unaffected by stroke) rather than the lime green or something he'd pick!

Taste is a huge bone of contention for many couples.

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Lisa and I have gone over this quite alot as well. What she finds attractive for our house is usually WAY to girlie for me.

 

Then I realize, "Who spends most of their time in the house, Her or Me?" She is the one who has to look at the decor most days.

 

I just give in. If she's happy with it, good enough for me.

 

Butch

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Thanks Everyone!

 

I think we at least have a starting point now. Drum roll please..... we found two matted & framed pictures (a matching set) that we both LOVE today. They were 50% off so I decided that even though when we went out I wasn't planning on making a purchase, it was well worth it to end all the frustration.

 

I also finally convinced him that some deep brick red pillows would look nice with our sage/olive sofa and our golden walls. Whoo Hoo! Success!

 

I feel lucky that aguing over our home decor is the worst of our relationship problems!

 

Kristen

 

 

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Gosh - I would just be happy to have my house clean let alone decorate it. I guess you could call my current style "eclectic dust bunnies who have been here since mid century!

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