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At her mercy(A VENT)

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That is what it boils down to. We- Grandma most of all- are all at her (the aunt's- I'll call her *B*) mercy right now. Apparently, mercy is in short supply.


I am livid with *B* for the way she is treating my mom, and greatly saddened by the way she has given up on Grandma without even TRYING to get all the facts. She is basing all her opinions of Grandma's recovery on what the INTERN is saying and not even on what the doctor is saying.


My mom, dad and Grandma's sister all believe that she is resonding to them with blinking eyes and hand squeezes. Mom said Grandma seemed to tear up at one point while mom was talking to her. (Mom seems to think that Grandma is in better condition that Patrick was right after his stroke.) The intern is saying all of Grandma's responses are probably just reflex actions and not planned movements. She is merely responding to a voice, blah blah blah. The doctor, however, is saying he believes the stroke is not as severe as he first believed.


*B* seems to want to be a martyr, unwilling to EVEN LISTEN to my dad's, my mom's, or grandma's sister's opinion. Yet, she yelled at them how easy it is for them to go home and how "SHE is the F***ing one stuck dealing with it". CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! My folks keep trying to giver her advice on what she can do,, and all she does is respond with, "THE LAWS ARE DIFFERENT HERE" before they can even finish the sentence!!! I am being literal here...BEFORE THEY CAN FINISH THE SENTENCE.


My mother worked in the trust department of two different banks for nearly 20 years, you'd think that would hold at least some merit. Nope. My parents were also the the trustees and power of attorney for my great aunt and have lots of experience in who needs to be contacted, what needs to be addressed and what can wait. Does *B* care??? Nope- doesn't want to hear it. HASN'T heard it.


*B* did not even notify grandma's primary care physician for 3 days after the stroke, and yet she was already trying to figure out what utility bills of Grandma's needed to be paid. HUH???? And really, why does it matter since *B* is already looking for a nursing home for Grandma?


I wish *B* would give the power of attorney to my dad who would gladly take over. They would at least see if Grandma could recover enough to be in assisted living.


There is so much more I could say about this situation, but I better stop for now.



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Boy, Kristen, I can see why you are so angry!!!! It makes me angry, too, and I don't even know your aunt. It makes me angry that interns (and doctors) keep saying these things about "Reflex actions, not planned movements, merely responding to a voice" when any of us who've dealt with aphasia know that isn't true for everyone, if in fact it's true for anyone!


I will continue to help that your dad can get your aunt to give up the power of attorney since she seems so "over-whelmed" with it all.


:friends: Jean

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Sounds like Aunt *B* is a control freak, has she always been controlling.


Does anyone have power of attorney for your grandma? or is aunt B just taking over?


Hope things get sorted out so that your grandma has an advocate for her.

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Kristen, I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. The exact same thing happened to my grandmother after her stroke. My Aunt "A" and her hubby were just horrible. Found out I was putting her in a wheelchair and taking her out of her room and exercising her legs and put a stop to that. They wanted her to die because there would be little enough left for them as it was. My point here is, do whatever it takes to take control of things away from Aunt "B". I was the only one nasty enough to take her on which I did but I didn't have the money to fight her legally. My father Aunt"A"s brother did but for some reason he was not aware of what was happening until after Gram passed away. Anyway, do what you have to do if you can for your Grandmother's life. I would love to see you win this one for her and for my Gram too. Good luck and feel free to email me if you want to talk.


Betty Jean

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*B* has power of attorney, and I doubt she would willingly give it to my Dad. This is not my fight so all I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch, pray, and be as supportive to my mom and dad as I can.


Control freak??? I am gonna say "yes", although I don't know if she has always been that way or not. I haven't seen her personally in years, maybe once since being an adult, so my recollection of her is really from a child's perspective.


I always thought *B* and my dad had a good relationship- they lived far apart so didn't spend alot of time visiting each other- but I always thought it was just logistics. I think my dad had the same view of their relationship.


It seems now though, that she has been harboring some sort of resentment for Dad. She has said some pretty off-handed remarks in the heat of the moment that have nothing to do with Grandma's situation. These comments are in my eyes irrelivent to ANYTHING- not just Grandma. ( My response would probably be "SO WHAT???? What is your point???")


Thanks for all of your support, and thanks for your thoughts for Grandma's recovery



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