waiting just waiting
Entry posted by swilkinson
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It seems like a fortnight since last Saturday and it is only five days. Ray is still in hospital, still in bed or on the chair beside the bed, still not walking or weight bearing. He is still undiagnosed as the xrays have been "inconclusive". So more tests have been ordered, still a bone density test to go.
Today they had a second try at the nuclear scan but when I asked the nurse when we will get the results she replied: "Thursday afternoon, Friday morning, maybe." Seems it is all done by a private contractor who takes their own sweet time to get the results back to the hospital. How I hate this letting it all out to private tender with no responsibility to patients or management. No treatment till all the results come in and bedrest for a patient who is in a situation of "move it or lose it".
Today when I left the hospital I was feeling really bad, the heat of the afternoon didn't help and then I was caught in a traffic jam caused by road works and so I called in to see an old friend. She was widowed two years ago and is a person who has cared for aged parents as well as her husband for five years prior to his death so she does know how all of this is affecting me. It is good to talk to people who really understand, isn't it?
Ray is laying on the hospital bed watching the tennis, or flicking between channels and not a care in the world. Now he is getting cut-up food and easy to eat meals like mashed potato, pumpkin, sliced beans and casseroled steak the meal he had for lunch today so he is able to eat without assistance. He has plenty of nurses and aids to look after him, his meals arrive at the right time, he has clean clothes brought in by me every day, what is there to worry about? I think the impact of this new disability is lost on him, or maybe the pain killers are fixing the anxiety as well. So he just sits propped up by pillows with a happy smile on his face.
I have cancelled all his outside activities until further notice and as people phone me to ask how he is I am asking for their prayers. Frankly I don't know what to pray for at this time. Healing for sure, I want him to be healed, healthy and pain free. Comfortable nights for him and for me is a given. And patience, I need loads of patience, to deal with staff who seem not to have a clue about the life of a stroke survivor and his caregiver. Maybe it is easier to just hand out the medications than to answer the questions. Maybe they are so used to things taking so much time that they are just content to wait?
I am sick of waiting and yet I know this is just the beginning of the process. Depending on the results of the scan there will be surgery and rehab or just rehab. Depending on Ray's ability to follow instructions and co-operate with the therapists he will have some time learning to stand and walk again. This will be done in a pleasant setting he is already familiar with having been there a few times before and with it all tailored to his pace. Thankfully that will be the case and he will soon be walking well enough to come home. As the event was a fall and not a stroke this should not take as long as previous strokes. Unless of course there is extensive surgery to repair the pelvis. That would make a huge difference time wise.
Whatever happens I know I have to contain my soul in patience. Not a easy thing for me to do.
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