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Pounding My Head Against a Wall

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givincare

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I am pounding my head against the wall, and I think Patrick is feeling the same way.

 

People don't understand (unless you've been there) just how frustrating it is to argue with a person who has aphasia. Not only do you have to make your own point, but you have to articulate the point of the person with aphasia so they understand YOU understand their point of view.

 

God forbid you not say it exactly as they want you to, otherwise you are missing the point! NO, I AM NOT MISSING THE POINT. I UNDERSTAND! LET ME SAY IT THIS WAY...

 

The argument we are having is about Patrick driving again.

 

In September, his neurologist told him if he was still seizure free by November, he would recommend Patrick for a driving evaluation. He made it halfway thru November then had a seizure. They upped his meds again, but we had to lower the dosage back down as he was having side affects. Since that seizure in November, he had two more small seizures on the origanal dosage.

 

Yesterday, we went to see the neurologist again. we decided a new medication was in order, even though his last seizure was in January. This is not a quick process, weening him off his old meds and onto a new one. It will take almost three months before he is totally off the old and totally on the new one. Then it will take a few months soley on the new med to see if it works for him.

 

His point is, it has once again been two months since his last seizure, so he should be able to get the driving eval now. He is seizure-free in his mind. I keep trying to explain that even though it has been several months since the last seizure, the meds are not working for him well enough or he would not have had the seizures in December and January.

 

Round and round we go. I tell him it's not up to me anyway. He tells me over and over: how long he has went without driving; how long it's been since his last seizure; how he was only suppose to have to wait 2 months of being seizure-free.

 

I go round and round telling him he is still having occasional seizures on the current med, he is not safe to drive. I tell him it is out of my hands, it's up to the doctor. I tell him he has to wait untill we know if the new meds are working. I think he thinks we are conspiring against him. I have tried every way I can to explain that I WANT HIM TO DRIVE, TOO!!!

 

We are both SO FRUSTRATED!!!!

 

Kristen

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I'm not sure ... states have different laws. I think here it has to be over a year seizure free.

 

Yes try to put the blame on the states laws.. or something so you are not the one saying NO.

 

 

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Kristen:

 

I know the frustration of not able to drive, for years I was not llowed to drive, ven today I am not supposed to drive but finally hubby relented me driving local, it felt so great driving again, his argument to me was it's weapon, you can hurt someone, or you getting seriously hurt, and if you want to go anywhere I will come, and he did for 2 years, even going to kido's school for volunteering, he would come early and take me, that's why I think I have married angel.

 

tell Pareick it's going to happen when he is seizure free till then you ar his chauffer.

 

Asha

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Dear Kristen--I know your frustration. When my Dad had Micro-Vascular Dementia, driving was very important to him. In his dementia, his ability to drive equated to taking care of his family. Its what made him "head of household." Aside from that, he was a very stubborn German.

 

First, when I took over the care of my parents, I decided there is no arguing w/ someone who has dementia because they are in their world and I am in reality.

 

My father started to blame me and was convinced I had a conspiracy going to keep him from driving. I knew I couldn't have him perceive me as the bad guy if I were to take care of him. I told him the State of Maryland took away his license. He told me I told the State of Maryland to take his license away. I finally convinced him that the State of Maryland wouldn't do anything I said, I'm just a person.

 

I took all the car keys I could find away from him. The funny thing is, after he died, I found three whole bags of cars keys to the Volvo around various parts of the house. That was another battle and another story.

 

The most important thing is the other people who are driving on the road and their safety. There are too many times that the person who is responsible for the accident is the one who lives while the other people, who were at the wrong place at the wrong time, die or are seriously injured. That point needs to be made. Good Luck! You are in my thoughts. Take Care. LK

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