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Caregivers & Alcoholics

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Mary Jo

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:chat: This is the way I felt when I was at my Mom's with my sisters last week. We hadn't all been together for over a year. We told all the same old stories of childhood that always make my Mom laugh. It was a sad time, but we chose laughter over tears.

 

I haven't quite decided what this Blog will be yet. I am just going to write and it will take it's own form.

 

On Easter Sunday I took Bill to his parents home. I wasn't really invited. It is an odd situation when his family has been in my life for 38 years and somehow they feel I have not been doing my job as Caregiver.

How about their jobs as Caregivers. I was hurting a lot when I left him there. I needed to go to the Grocery-Deli to get some food for him while I was gone to my Mom's.

When I arrived at the store parking lot I got an overwhelming feeling of wanting to drink. I had to think about what my fellow AA friends have told me to do.

What are you thinking about? What are you feeling? Everything I was feeling and thinking about was how I resented his family. I needed to come to terms with those feelings before I could go into that store. Guess what it worked. I won this battle and I have another day of sobriety. I have another day of being the great Caregiver that I am. ( I do have just a few faults)

 

It is almost 1:00 am and I need to say goodnight. :hug:

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Mary Jo,

 

It's so good to hear from you ! I was getting concerned since you hadn't written for such a long time.Congratulations on staying sober for another day even though the stress was really getting to you. I'm very proud of you for that. You shouldn't let his family get to you that way, though. They have done nothing and you have done everything for Bill and if necessary you can point that out to them.

 

Did you ever get in touch with Bill's shrink? I hope so and I hope that something good came from that. You can pm me if you want to talk and tell me how things are going.

 

Again, congratulatios on staying sober!

 

Betty Jean

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Hi Mary Jo,

 

I don't think I know you, or you me, but I wanted to add something here.

 

I wanted to tell you, that being responsible for the wellbeing of someone you love, fighting for all of their needs and always putting them first and all...leaves your own wellbeing and happiness at risk. It's a given as a caregiver that we do this day after day.

 

Your own feelings become vulnerable, because you get used to not thinking of yourself, your rights. You have the right to accept no blame for what Bill's family think or do. You're doing your job and more. You have the right for happiness that doesn't involve him, like laughing with your own family. You have the right to be treated with the dignity and respect that you try to ensure that Bill has. You have rights too...

 

I did no reading on you before this, so I don't even know anything about you, or Bill. But I do know about being hurt and having that hurt turn into something else. You're a strong person Mary Jo, no one has the ability or the right to take that away from you. I'm proud that you didn't let them.

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Mary Jo:

 

I don't know too much about you, but I will tell you one thing we all sre responsible for our actions, I am glad you recognized that and stayed sober, one more thing people are great but they also have opinion about others, you should do what is right for you and Bill, rest of the comments just roll off your back, don't let it get to you, recognize that youknow ehat is best for Bill, and doing best of your capability, people like to pass judgements on others, it is most easy thing to do, the best thing is to ignore ognorans.

 

Asha

 

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Mary Jo,

 

Congratulations on walking away from temptation!!!! WTG!!! Worry about you and Bill and no one else.

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Mary Jo,

Good for you. Who ever said that Bill's family are all so perfect. As stated above - do what is best for the two of you. You both are #1 and the families can come after.

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Congrats! Thanks for sharing and We are all so PROUD of you. You did what was best for yourself (((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

Maybe if Bill has a day with his family... you can plan a "ME" day, with friends or family.. go to a movie or resturant. Keep your chin up, you and many others know you are doing what is best for you and Bill.

 

Many are eager to point a finger and blame and those are the ones that are not stepping up to the plate to help.

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Dear Mary Jo-- There are sometimes when I could just write (say) a few choice words and phrases about people but my Mother is still on my shoulder and I am not allowed to say those kinds of things in polite company. Sometimes, when I was working, and things were going to h...l in a handbasket, I would speak in typewriter language.....#@$$#@#$%^$##^&^^%$##!!!!!(and then we'd get onto making a decision)...and the staff thought it was very funny.

 

You are taking the best care of Bill. You make the best decisions for his welfare. You do for him. No one has the right to treat you the way his family does. If I had a white horse, I'd be charging into your corner right now.

 

To top off what must have been a horrid day for you, you won a fierceful struggle. You are strong. You may not feel you are but your decision to remain sober when I can only imagine how "down" you felt. Accolades to you, dear lady. You are doing an awesome job. Take Care. LK

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