I have been trying to get to my Blog for weeks... (achoo achoo, it's a bit dusty) I had some :what I thought were good ideas. Of course I was driving in the car, or not able to write my thoughts down...

Today is the 4th anniversary of when stroke entered my life. well "our" lives. I refuse to call it MY .. it is something that happened, like breaking your leg or whatever.... I will NOT let it control me or take over my life.

I have been looking back, and also reading Newbie's posts and Blogs. I can see where I have been, and how far I have come, and still looking forward. Sometimes it is good to look back and compare what you can do now.. to a month after stroke entered your life.

Yes somethings are a bit disappointing... but then I really didn't have anything to compare this too. I have always been pretty healthy, just minor problems that I always popped right back from. The information you get after stroke seems to be quite limited. I think in most part because the Dr's don't really know what you will recover, relearn. The psiatrist I saw twice. told me in a yr you will never know you had a stroke.

Well I took her literally to mean that. That was quite disappointing to me. I worked very hard learning to walk and use my arm. To relearn "my world" No one mentioned cognitive deficits, memory problems or fatigue. Some people looked at me as "you look normal, so you must be recovered".

I found this site... I am "normal" for a stroke survivor, I am not loosing my mind. My brain had been attacked and it is working VERY hard to connect and relearn. This takes a lot of energy.

My mind bounced from one thought to another, I could not focus or concentrate.. This takes a lot of effort to slow down, or to concentrate and focus.

My first year I think I was basically focused on physical abilities .... when I could walk without thinking about every step, use my arm without concentrating on every movement I became aware of cognitive deficits.

Over the 4 years, I have learned to accept who I am, what I can do and that I do have limitations, good days and bad.. but now the good outnumber the bad. I for the most part have learned i have limited energy. It doesn't pay to try to push beyond that, as my mind says NO>> and takes a break.

Through this site I have learned patience, acceptance from the wisdom and experience of other survivors.

I see the fear of newbies and know their fear... I have walked this path .... I am still on it. I am just farther ahead ... I have come a LONG way in 4 years and I continue to move forward, but it is good to look and see how far you have come.