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Pursuit of Intellectual education

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Today is one of those days, I don't feel like interacting with anybody, not in person, phone or virtual. I just feel like I'm short on words today.

But I just had an impression strike me and I thought this is a good blog, if I can have enough words and patience in me to blog it.

There are 2 people in my life who are highly intellectual. One I knew pre stroke and never understood him or where he was coming from, the other is also a male that came into my life post stroke and pre stroke I never would have understood him either. My impression is this: both of these men have valued learning things and being highly educated, both happen to be Socialists politically.But both of them have been luke warm fathers. By that I mean not really involved in their kids lives, one was totally non existent in his kids life and the other was there physically but held a standoffish position in his kids lives.

So the question wandered in my mind, did their pursuit of higher learning not give them time for their kids?

I have found myself in hot pursuit of educating myself and reading complex subject matter. I also find myself not very interested in doing things with my kids. My attention span was almost non existent this morning playing easter egg hunt, after the third time I could have cried from boredom, playing with a 7 year old wasn't that challenging after the first time. Pre stroke I would have never lost my enthusiasm for the game, no matter how many times the eggs were in the same exact spots. I just don't have the energy to play pretend to long. So I guess my question really is, by learning more and educating myself, is the line crossed over where I can't be an average mom? Have I pushed myself past the point where I can relate to my child? I understand the concept of no more then 2 games in a row of Candyland, I can only handle so much of that game. I am becoming apathetic to playing with my kids. I have lost the carefree fun inner child it seems. It may just be that I have grown up as has my inner child.

Pam

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Pam

 

I've never been a mother and Don has never been a father, but we are both good at observing what goes on in the lives of people around us. Here's my theory on your question about seeking high education, if higher education makes you more withdrawn from your kids: No, I don't believe that for a minute. I think if it hadn't been reading/self educating that makes a man withhold effection and warmth from their kids, then it would have been something else like sports or a driven career or alcohol. In other words, it's their personality that drives them to seek ways that will allow them to 'drop out' from interacting with their kids, not the education per say. Guys who are emotional withdrawn from kids don't make good father or husbands---they just hold too much of themselves back.

 

They do it for many reasons one being an underlaying deep depression. Two, poor role modeling they were growing up, and three, fear of having people dependant on them for anything because they lack a lot of self-confidence deep inside. Four, they had poor childhoods themselves and they really don't understand kids. And least common, but still there, is that a few men fear they are too attracted to little kids and they avoid emotional involvement out of fear of crossing a forbidden line---guys who were sexually abused as kids themselves have this problem sometimes.

 

Parenting is hard work. You will have your ups and downs. Your lack of interest in things like your daughter's Easter ritual is probably temporary. You're going through a transition period, turbulent times. When you find a happy place again in your life it will be easier to let go and enjoy the simplier things with your daughter again. It has nothing to do with educating yourself that you feel yourself withdraw. You have to continue to work towards reducing the less stress in your life.

 

Jean

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Jean summed it up well;

 

Don't worry about your inner child. SHe hasen't gown up, or dissapeared. She's still in there and when you least expect she'll come running up, slap you on your backside, and yell "TAG, YOU'RE IT!"

 

We're constantly in a changing state. With each state comes a new persona. IT's tricky to balance them, and at times inpossible. Just remember that books and learning are your future, kids are THE future. If candyland isn't your cup of tea, try chutes and ladders, or even Sorry. I learned that game when I was 6, and me and family would have a game night and play it every Wed.

 

Cheers;

Michael

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Pam pursuing an education higher or lower is challenge that requires both time and dedication. However like anything if you become too obsessed with it some other part of your life will suffer. Working at a university I see many intellectual people who are tremendous parents and many who in my opinion should never have had children. Seeking to better yourself is never a bad idea and as for playing games with your youngest like you told me everything changes and in a while you may be actively involved in having an intellectual conversation with your children. It does happen, so give yourself a break and realize just how good a mother you really are. In a couple of years maybe your kids won

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