Hi ChefDenny,

I know exactly how you feel. I too had a small stroke and suffer only numbness on my whole left side and fatigue. I can do everything, maybe slower and I peter out quicker but I'm able to be independant.

I feel awkward and guilty complaining about anything when I know so many incredible, intelligent, caring, good people have it so much worse. Yet, for me this is a change as well as for my family. We all have our battles and I wish I could ease the pain for everyone.

I'm with you both.

I was told my stroke was massive...but am able to live independently, too. I can drive again and take care of most of my needs...just can't cook...but couldn't cook before stroke either.

My left side is stiff and has limited agility. I'll never be able to resume the life I lead before my stroke. I mourn that loss.

My faith was greatly shaken as a result of my stroke... but He has shown me He still loves me and He hasn't changed.

Denny,

I'm glad you've started blogging. It is a good way to get stuff off your chest in a format that you yourself determine. So, there is no right or wrong here in the blog community.

You've hit upon one of the unfortunate things about strokes. They are all SO different that it's hard to find others who have had your exact same experiences. (I suspose the same could be said for people with cancer or heart problems, too, when you get into it as deeply as we are all into strokes here on this site.) But with strokes, we get into so many emotional changes and with that comes problems that we all need to try harder to understand in one another.

It sounds like you've made peace with the place your stroke has played in your life. Congratulations! It's what we want for everyone and that comes to each of us in our own time frames....

Jean

hey chefdenny,

you said what i have'nt had the guts to say. i'm always afraid i'll "hurt" someone's feelings, never MIND that mine get hurt all of the time. i just chalked up my wounded feelings to the fact that i'm too sensitive until i read what you wrote.

either we're BOTH too sensitive or you may be on to something!!!! i feel a terrible sense of shame that in comparison to other survivors, that i'm pretty okay. but in comparison to how i was before, i'm in terrible shape. so, i have come to accept it, the new me. i try not to think about what i can't do, but what i can do. it took me over a year to get to that point.

i'm not going to let it bother me anymore when i get the feeling that some people don't think my stroke was bad enough. i KNOW it was bad enough, but not so bad that maybe i can be of service to others in some small way. that's how i deal with it!!!!

kim

Howdy Denny

WOW I had never even considered that some folks might be offended by my posts. I hope not, but I'm just posting my reality on the board.

I couldn't walk at first, and my left side was useless. I have come a long way in the past five years. Now I can walk and drive and I even ride a motorcycle.

Perhaps some folks have not made the progress that I have made, but I post to attempt to get survivors to keep on trying! We are all different and will all have different recoveries too. I just am too stubborn to stop trying.

Now I'm wondering if some survivors perceive my posts as being arrogant. I'm nobody special and I never intend to offend anyone (except with my humor).

I know that depression has played a part in my recovery and I imagine that most of us have 'bad' days. I am not aware of the incident that you refer to in your blog. Maybe it was the result of someones bad day.

Heck, most everyone else who isn't a survivor perceives me as being somewhat different. I figure we survivors should cut one another some slack..

I am pleased of someone does better than me, it gives me a goal to aim for..

sometimes my aim isn't too good but I'll keep on shootin' til the ammo's gone

bill

Rant on!

I have to shamefully admit that I've been a little cinicle of seeing someone who has had a better recovery or less problems than Kathy and thought "why are they complaining?". This isn't my personality, and I hate when I realize what I did later. Thankfully I don't do this as often now that I'm on the magical antidepressant pill. Even someone who has had a 100% recovery (if that's possible) has to live with the "wake up call" that was thrown into their lives.

There shouldn't be any "my stroke can beat up your stroke" on here. Everyone has been touched by stroke, and everyone feels the loss, confusion, and a whole lot of other emotions. We're on this boat together, and that iceburg is getting mighty close.

I've got to try and get this posted before the rain knocks out my internet, so I'll cut it short.

Michael

Denny,

I, like you, have not lost use of a side of my body. I, like you, do not need to PT on a regular basis.

I agree with Jean that every person's stroke is unique just like each person's fingerprint is unique.

I agree with Michael that we do not need to get into the "My stroke is worse than your stroke" mode.

Denny, you didn't do anything to anyone that I am aware of.

My $0.02.

Charles