Survivor Guilt
Entry posted by workngrl50
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Yesterday we attended a conference where Joey goes to rehab. The objective was to assess the prgress he's made since admission and set goals for his recovery including a discharge date. The staff thought sometime in April and he suggested April 22 which is his birthday. So that's the target date.
He's made amazing progress. It's a miracle that he's here and no one expected he'd be doing this well so soon. And since he is doing so well everyone is interested to see just how far he can go. He came out of that conference really motivated.
When we got home, Joey got a phone call from a friend. Two of his friends, Amber and Jacque, were in a car accident. Amber is in the hospital, Jacque died at the scene. He is devastated at the loss of his friend. He said, "Why would I live and Jacque died?"
I have similar feelings but nothing so intense. In my sobriety I've often wondered why people who seemed to want to be sober so much more than I did are still suffering in addiction and I, who thought I could never live without drugs and alcohol, have been given the gift of sobriety. I don't know how to answer questions like that. But it does make my sobriety even more precious to me.
Joey was feeling everything more intensely last night. He hasn't slept well, and I can hear him talking in his sleep as I write this. I don't know how to answer his questions or relieve his guilt. He did everything wrong the night of his accident and survived. The accident that killed Jacque was not her fault. She'd done nothing wrong and she died. He's glad he's here but so sad that Jacque is gone. It's just hit him so close to home.
He'll get through it though. He's a survivor.
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