Well 2008 is here. Many of us are hoping for a better year.... more progress, financial stability. weight loss... or whatever. A New Year brining in new Hope.

I have been reading posts, Blogs. Many of us have gone thru some downs. We know we will get back up. Everyone has down days.

Winter in whatever climate tends to be gray and dreary, wet and windy. Expectations of Christmas.. and picking the gift to put a smile on a Loved ones face.

Survivors ... is acceptance ever complete? We miss what we can't do.. or do at the same pace as we once could.

I think most Survivors are of the "type A " personality.. experts at multi-tasking, getting things done. Wanting things a certain way and expecting perfection of themselves. Juggling jobs, family.. all, and trying to keep everyone in their circle happy.

Then comes "stroke" it has not crept up slowly.. It hits with a BANG..... one minute you are able, juggling 20 things at one time. The next moment .... you are down.. not let down slowly so you can adjust to be coming slower.. JUST Down and wondering what the heck has happened. Your brain is in a FOG for months.. your body will not listen to you.

Most of us have lost our jobs.. or can not go back to the same one... It is a LARGE hard pill to swallow at once.

Our jobs .. and the paycheck is gone. We work so hard on recovery, everyone tells us how well we are doing. We go to bed thinking I will wake up from this nightmare today, tomorrow, next week.

Are we defined by our job titles and pay check? Not totally I am sure, but after all it did take up 40 hours or more a week of our lives. We took pride in our jobs, in doing a good job for our employer. We had friends and acquaintances, spouses, family to share little stories about what we did at work. We socialized there, had lunch and it was a large part of our day.

Now we are working on therapy... trying to put the pieces back together. One day we realize.. things are going to be different.

We are no longer... defined by our jobs.. I have decided to say I am medically retired. I have found ways to fill up my days, to re-kindle some "hobbies" to volunteer. To make the best of my day. I am not "Susie Sunshine" I can still miss the hustle and bustle, but I can also enjoy the peace and quiet. I can get quite frustrated with the cognitive deficits, and especially the memory problems and fatigue. I have also decided this is What I have to work with. I am in much better shape than many. I have decided whatever I get done in a day is a Plus, not to expect to get 20 things done.. I may have 20 things started..lol but lucky if a few are completed.

I have NO Clue what my purpose in life is.... and actually I don't need a "purpose" I am here.. Hopefully putting a smile and making a difference in people I meet, as they put a smile in mine. Sometimes we touch each other briefly, just passing by. Some people you will stop for a moment and help.. or bump into and say excuse me.. and share a smile. Life is interactions.. make someone smile... We now have the time... we are not rushing to jobs, trying for perfection.