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Changes


bstockman

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Changes ~~ 5 years have gone by.

 

It is 5 years now since my life dramatically changed. So much has happened in that time.. Emotions , Re-Learning, Re-Evaluating .... From barely walking.. and now I have a slight limp... I still can't figure out how to run... Yes sometimes I would like to run.. ok... I know HOW old I am.. I am not talking long distance 5 K's here. I have a very active 5 yr old grandson, and playing some badminton or softball....... oh well, adjustment and the little ones are not judgemental, quality with grandma is coloring, crafts, learning to crochet... bug hunting , pulling weeds..learning weeds from flowers (oops) theres are all doable and enjoyable. Replacing one activity with another.. learning change, learning acceptance.

 

The first few years Stroke was part of my daily thoughts/life... why I can't do something.. Practice, PT, headaches, fatigue. Even at the Dr's... most "things" were blamed on stroke deficits, stroke after math...

 

For some reason... this year has been a bit different........ My walking improved over the last 4 years. I have gone from a walker and dragging a leg to a very slight limp. I am still a bit left side clumsy.. I still get tired.. I am also now 5 years older than when this began.. I have NOT given up. I still get frustrated, but I don't think frustration as a bad thing... sometimes it is a Good motivator. I have also become very "clever" at hiding my deficits...LOL.

 

This year we also found out my mother in law (79) has lung cancer. She has decided to "fight" and to have chemo. I have thought a lot about her decision... I also had the pleasure of spending 10 days with her.

 

She has had her up's and down's but she is enjoying life and family.

 

Over the past few months I quit smoking, am taking more control of my life.... and I think much less about the stroke. I am more in the present, some of this is hard to explain. But it IS my Life again. I have and I am sure always will have some lasting deficits from a brain attack.. I have fought, and survived.. Things may not always be what we want them to be..... But like the Serenity pray... may we have the strength to change the things we can.. and the knowledge to know the differnce.

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Bonnie, you sound very strong. I'm glad you are in a place you feel comfortable with. You are right, little ones just accept you the way you are, they do not remember the "old you" or fail to cope with the changes like some "former friends" have done.

 

I am glad to be here right now. I struggle with all of Ray's issues. I struggle from day to day with what life hands out but there are mor things than the stroke to contend with. We just need to get on with it and make the most of life! As far as I know this is the only life we are going to get.

 

I'm glad you left your mother-in-law in a spirit of fighting for her future, we women are often at our best when we are determined to overcome the difficulties.

 

((Hugs))) from Sue.

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Bonnie,

 

Congratulations and blessings on your 5 year anniversary of your rebirth.

 

You are in a good place dear lady. You've decided to take the "life after stroke" attitude which is so true. We cannot change what occurred in our lives. We have the choice of dwelling on it or grasping our 2nd chance on this earth and "running" with it. No, you might not be able to run a Marathon - your grandkids don't care about that I'm sure.

 

In many ways, and for many of us, stroke has served as a wake up call - I know it was for me.

 

Glad your dear mother in law is fighting as well.

 

(((hugs)))

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Bonnie:

 

happy 5th anniversary. I am sure you worked hard to get to that serene place you are at today. with survivor like you and others on this site all newbies can see there is still wonderful life after troke. no wonder John fell for you. you are great fighter just like his mom.

 

Asha

 

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Guest lwisman

Posted

Happy Anniversary Bonnie. Thanks for sharing your reflections.

 

Here's to many more anniversaries!

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bonnie,

congraulations on your five year mark. thank you for sharing how much stronger you have grown over the years -your blog was wonderful. kathy

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congrats on your fifth year anniversary... and also your quitting smoking... I always enjoy your blogs and look forward to when I have more time to take more time to blog and chat...

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