Changes ~~ 5 years have gone by.
It is 5 years now since my life dramatically changed. So much has happened in that time.. Emotions , Re-Learning, Re-Evaluating .... From barely walking.. and now I have a slight limp... I still can't figure out how to run... Yes sometimes I would like to run.. ok... I know HOW old I am.. I am not talking long distance 5 K's here. I have a very active 5 yr old grandson, and playing some badminton or softball....... oh well, adjustment and the little ones are not judgemental, quality with grandma is coloring, crafts, learning to crochet... bug hunting , pulling weeds..learning weeds from flowers (oops) theres are all doable and enjoyable. Replacing one activity with another.. learning change, learning acceptance.
The first few years Stroke was part of my daily thoughts/life... why I can't do something.. Practice, PT, headaches, fatigue. Even at the Dr's... most "things" were blamed on stroke deficits, stroke after math...
For some reason... this year has been a bit different........ My walking improved over the last 4 years. I have gone from a walker and dragging a leg to a very slight limp. I am still a bit left side clumsy.. I still get tired.. I am also now 5 years older than when this began.. I have NOT given up. I still get frustrated, but I don't think frustration as a bad thing... sometimes it is a Good motivator. I have also become very "clever" at hiding my deficits...LOL.
This year we also found out my mother in law (79) has lung cancer. She has decided to "fight" and to have chemo. I have thought a lot about her decision... I also had the pleasure of spending 10 days with her.
She has had her up's and down's but she is enjoying life and family.
Over the past few months I quit smoking, am taking more control of my life.... and I think much less about the stroke. I am more in the present, some of this is hard to explain. But it IS my Life again. I have and I am sure always will have some lasting deficits from a brain attack.. I have fought, and survived.. Things may not always be what we want them to be..... But like the Serenity pray... may we have the strength to change the things we can.. and the knowledge to know the differnce.