No wonder I want a divorce! It amazes me everytime the point is driven home, that I actually at one time stood in a chapel, knees shaking, heart pounding from excitement that I was about to marry this man I now can't wait to shed. It is hard to hold on to newfound understandings of my feelings. I am different now, true the stroke changed me. But I feel that every time I have a lightbulb moment where the light shines into the dark recesses of my mind and I see something for how it is now. I need to defend that newfound knowledge from the sarcasm and ignorance of the complete moron I am married to.

The bikers I had a shot with last night, were sniff sniff "white trash". Well they may not be my next choice to have over for Sunday dinner or even a backyard BBQ next summer. But they were fine to have a conversation and a shot with at the bar. I'm so tired of judgements and labels. I'm tired of it being stated as fact that I have no judgement at all. I have judgement, it just doesn't shine a good light on the spouse.

I can't say how many times I've secretly chuckled to myself as I shed each and every social restriction one by one. I've peeled them off like an article of clothing and quite gleefully tossed them aside like smelly socks. That is the survivors secret journey, almost like my very own coming of age story. It is comforting to be finding myself again. I kinda like this person who is me.

Pam