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  1. Today
  2. I agree with you about sharing everything on a vlog about your family and I worry about bad people creeping their way in. I do however watch clean with me vlogs. I find something so satisfying about watching another clean and beautify their home. It motivates me in a way. 🙃 So I guess yeah...I'm weird lol.
  3. Sue thank you so much for reading and always offering wonderful advice. I am forever grateful that you don't understand...I also mean this in the most positive way. Hugs.
  4. Pam you have just touched my soul. I feel validated even if it makes me weep. I talked with my mom today and she is my biggest support. I told her about my post not for advice I just needed to feel her understand me. My mom responded by telling me "oh no you shouldn't lay down and disconnect, that's when you need to get out and do something fun....don't let those feelings get a hold of you". I know she means to motivate me and her answer is from her heart because she loves me. She doesn't understand. I can't help her hear me. It is my reality not my depression over things. It is physical...and I am not in control of it at times. It exhausts me to actively engage this phenomenon on a constant never-ending basis and along with my usual post stroke fatigue this can physically break my limit. I know that I do need to disconnect, rest, nap for my brains sake. The people who love me in my world cannot wrap their understanding around this fact. No I don't need to get out and do something fun. I need solitude, quiet, sleep. That doesn't come from a lazy part of me but many think it does. I wish you didn't understand Pam... I say that in a positive light. Visiting my past was scary and it made me feel weak at the beginning. I missed the connection we once had and the joy I felt during. I have learned that my journey needs to move past that time in my life...That I want to heal the wound for me. I plan to continue moving toward my independence and loving myself. I pray one day that love does walk back into my life...but I want to be ok even if I am by myself. Thank you Pam for seeing.
  5. I took pictures,made albums, used cam corder for events, but I wonder what life would be like if I posted life to the public. And who watches strangers, or even friends when they record stuff. I watched a you tube with adorable kid. ok sweet fummy, but then there were other videos, going on for years, about the kid,the family, and suddenly half an hour later, I had watched,birth, vacations, and this child growing over the years,and I felt like it was some movie,and hey I cant wait for the next one, and whatade looking through this key hole so entertaining. And it felt weird that this child took selfies and talked to camera. I interacted with my kids, sang,drove,without being on camera all the time. I worried about perverts. They were in plays, public dance shows,so that was public, but not people seeing us in pajamas cooking breakfast.This is weird world to me. Live streaming, blog influencers, what??? It is gossip tv gone wild. Do I care, do I have time? What does it do to us,to children, this is a strange world I will be leaving.
  6. I get error code 974 when I hit the mobile html
  7. Yesterday
  8. Stockflyer, Watching TV shows a second time to see if you could recall them struck me as a good memory exercise. You could do this every day if you wanted, and gradually move up to hour-long shows, then the first 11/2 hrs. of a 2 hr. show, etc. What I like about this idea is that whether you recalled accurately or not is right there in front of you. Also, you don't need anyone's help to do this, which is a "biggie" in my book. Just an idea. Becky
  9. It all makes sense to me. I too have dizziness,vertigo, stroke vestibular stuff, so I live in it too. I feel the same because no one knows how hard it is to walk around, how patterns set it off. I endure it, but I also tell my docs about it so they monitor it, as it can be alerting symptom of stroke or cardio stuff going on. But for 3 years I have danced on the carousel as it turns, balancing, interacting with people sometimes as their face floated around in front of me. It is surreal sometimes. It comes and goes, unpredictable but a constant in my existence. I hear you,see you. Be careful driving. In fact, this is one reason I cannot drive anymore, but it has improved from the days when I could not look out the window of a moving car without getting physically nauseous. And I do not think you took a step back, when you visited the past, it was only a stop needed on your journey forward. What did you learn, how did you grow, what do you want, what will you do. It sounds like some things are unresolved for you, perhaps you want him back and will fight for your prize, or maybe you changed your mind about what the reward is, perhaps closure and moving on. But you can decide, no guilt or pressure because only you know what is right for your life. Except of course never tolerate abuse no matter how the heart screams lovey stuff. The heart just wants love, and will be satisfied with another lover. Your photo is a beautiful woman, caring,articulate,and a great package gift for another, if you choose that. There are friendships too, out there in the world, here online, never alone. But I understand everything you wrote. I lived it,I live it, and I know. You are a survivor, strength is in you. You will sort this out.
  10. shows I just watched after its done, It feels like the movie I just watched happened two weeks ago and I have to watch it three more times.( mainly after it comes out on DVD or cable.. if I remember) I also set alarms on my phone but I usually forget to either turn the sound on or remember where I put it, I don't have a home phone ( landline) so it can be interesting. Example: Today I got a phone call to remind me of an appointment for Social Services ( State Tax class) and I completely forgot. I said to her, which is true, 'There is no way I can make that class tomorrow for I am no where near New Jersey." my mother and I took a trip to NC to see my sister for our birthday. T he point is I have a bad memory as well and often tell people I can't plan for anything for I will forget what it was, even if I write it down. So My parents know my appointments as back-up. :)
  11. My vertigo absolutely comes from my stroke. I work really hard to exist within it 90% of the time. Some moments though I become very aware. My training has taught me to ignore this feeling and fight through it. If I don't acknowledge it then I have more control at least in my head. Sometimes I pay attention and reality creeps in. I probably nap on those days. It's exhausting for my mind to keep up with this. I know it's my body's way of telling me "it's time to rest your brain" and I do listen even if the people I love say that I shouldn't sleep during the day. That I should get up and do something fun. I feel guilty sometimes when I do what my mind says and rest. I don't know if I'm just angry at the stroke for this issue, or angry with myself for not doing better, trying harder, keeping control. I do know that when I'm really honest with myself...I spend 90 % of every day using all the coping mechanisms I have been taught through therapy to feel in balance. When that breaks and I feel it, it's nauseating (physically) and so in my face and I know everyone around me doesn't feel it. I just don't like my feelings at those moments. I'm so sorry for the book...I feel the need to let it out. Thank you.
  12. I got that way for a year or so after Ray died, I put it down to anxiety attacks. It passed after a while. It could also be related to the stroke in your case. You might mention it to your doctor, maybe there's a solution. In my case it was easier once I got my head around being alone. I rarely get that now.
  13. 100 Things You Don't Know About Me... Following 1 Entry posted by tmciriani · August 17, 2016 174 views Add Tag I got inspiration for this blog by reading another blogger's post on his blog and I found it interesting. So here it goes... 1. I'm adopted 2. I grew up in the country in Tennessee. 3. I am afraid of clowns. 4. As a child we found a puppy on the freeway so "Freeway" was his name. 5. I got a baby goose one Easter. He grew up and was named Pretty boy...as an adult he was not nice. 6.My second car was a 1982 Datsun 280 ZX with T-tops...I loved that car. 7. I have two birth marks. 8. When I was little my mom worked three jobs to support my brother, sister, and me after her and my dad divorced. My Aunt and Uncle were like 2nd parents to me...I miss them dearly. 9. My sister and I used to play outside a lot and we are from the country - farm girls - so we found things to do to have fun. We used to pickle Polk Salad stalks and make pies out of the purple berries that grow on the very big stalks (no we never ate them my mom said they were poisonous but we loved to pretend). 10. When I was about 7 I rode a little cow in my uncles tobacco barn...my brother and sister did too. It was like bull riding cause they didn't like it and they bucked so we would see who could ride the longest. As an adult it seems a bit cruel but looking back we treated all of our cows like they were pets...named them, anticipated and named new babies, and they each would still come eat some grain out of our hands if it was offered so I don't feel too bad. No cows or humans were hurt in the process. 11. We had much worse winters when I was little and we would sled down a huge hill on the dirt road in front of our Aunt and Uncles house. No one could get up the hill if there was snow or ice so I don't remember ever seeing a car. My daughter is 20 now but I can't imagine letting her ever do that. Things change don't they. 12. I was really smart in school - all A's and B's...and competitive (quietly) I was determined to make the best grades. 13. A boy kissed me on the cheek in kindergarten and I rubbed my face the rest of the whole day! That was yuck at 5. 14. My school was an old brick school with two floors and grades K-12...when I moved from sixth grade to seventh they had built a new elementary school and instead of all grades it was just 7-12. 15. The first time a boy asked me to "go with him" I said no but he kept coming back and asking me so I said yes and then counted to 30 and proceeded to break up with him. Not one of my proudest moments. 16. My first kiss was with that same boy like two years later and he had braces. Ouch...we really had no idea what we were doing. 17. I'm a Sagittarius. 18. I was a cheerleader in school. 19. I used to draw very well in high school and made a 100 with the exception of one 98 in my art class...I took 2 years and was my teacher's assistant the 3rd year. I still have all of my drawings and plan to one day matte and frame them. 20. I got 2 red roses from a secret admirer in high school. I found out that day when he approached me who it was...a real nerd. At least that's what we used to say. I have been so vain in my youth. I bet he is a millionaire now...a true computer geek and probably the nicest guy you could meet. I know in some way I missed out...I never would have thought it but I have since I've grown up lots of times. 21. I got married when I was 21 and divorced when I was 34. Today I am not actually married...but I have been living in sin as my mother would call it for 10 years and I call him my husband and he calls me his wife. 22. My step-dad is a Preacher. 23. My step-mom's mother is 95 years old (my grandmother) her mom lived to be 101 and I still remember her. 24. My Nanny (my Dad's mom) was a real old fashioned country mom and grandmother. She made the best biscuits that I can ever remember eating, she had a old cupboard with a flour bin on the left and a roll top on the right, she had a vintage washing machine with rollers to wring out the wet clothes and her bathtub did not have running hot water...we used to warm the water in that old claw foot tub with a water heater thing that looked like a an old microphone. 25. I was 5 years younger than my sister and 6 years younger than my brother...I gained a very active imagination once they were "too old" to play with me. 26. Me and 4 of my best friends won the school talent show one year by acting out a self written play called "The Girl Who Got It All". I was the girl and she got all the illnesses she thought anyone else had (hypochondriac). 27. I played Santa in my fifth grade play "Cajun Night Before Christmas" to celebrate our newest classmate. She was from New Orleans and was Cajun. My friends and I had never met anyone like her. 28. I played Santa my 6th grade year to carol to the 4th and 5th graders. 29. I wanted to be an actress. Can you tell? 30. I have had the weirdest luck or lack of when it came to weird illnesses. I grew up (starting at age 5) having these weird tummy attacks that would end up with us going to the ER...I was misdiagnosed more times than I can remember had more lights down my throat than I can remember and ended up getting an ERCP Endoscopic Retrograde Cholangiopancreatography a weird name for a special endoscopy that looks into your bile and pancreatic ducts. The test caused me to have severe complicated acute pancreatitis with pseudo-cysts. I was 18 and came close to death. I still have spells but very rarely...they diagnosed me with some weird hereditary type of pancretitis. 31. I have worked as a preschool teacher in 4 different preschools in 2 states. I got cellulites of the throat at the second school. It's like swallowing shards of glass. 32. I contracted some type of child respiratory bacterial infection that lasted for about a month and a half. I ended up on super high powerful cough medicine and 2 different kinds of inhalers. I would cough so much that I couldn't stop and it would make me throw up every time . Getting childhood illnesses as an adult can sometimes be no joke. 33. I went white water rafting on the Ocoee River. 34. My ex-husband was in the Navy we moved a lot. 35. My daughter cost $25 thanks to the Navy and I got to be a patient at a very nice civilian Hospital. 36. I have been on the ocean on the USS Yorktown CG-48 Ticonderoga class cruiser...a US Naval Ship with Aegis technology. 37. I used to water ski. 38. I went to MTSU as an accounting major which I changed to Psychology. I never finished college because I got married and moved away. :Doh: 39. I've met several famous people mostly Musicians because of where I lived and worked. Kesha, one of the ZZ Top guys, Buddy Miller, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill and their kids, Keith urban and Nicole Kidman, Hunter Hayes, Joyce DeWitt (Janet from Three's Company), and several others. 40. My favorite foods are Italian. 41. I love all pink things. 42. I was the Etiquette Advisor in my sorority 43. I've milked cows, fed chickens, played and made a house in a hay loft, Learned to cook bake and can when I was about 5, anything you can do on a farm with a barn, cows, and chickens. When I was little we drank raw milk (my Aunt filled up her big bucket everyday) we also made whipped cream from skimming the top and made butter. 44. I used to sell Avon, Mary Kay, Home and Garden Party LTD...I was great at buying but not selling. 45. My kitty's name is "Kitty" She is pur white with a pink nose,pink toes, pink lips, pink ears...oh yeah and she is a boy. :blush-anim-cl: I never knew until I took her to the vet the first time. I just can't look at her and think boy. So he has been a she ever since I found her. 46. When I was 19 I packed up my car and moved to Orlando, Florida for the summer to be close to my then boyfriend...now ex-husband. I had no money other than what I used to get there and found a job about 6 days after I got there and stayed with friends of a friend until I rented a room of my own. I stayed for 3 months. 47. I broke my right ankle when I was 6 playing baseball with my brother and sister. Fell on top of a box of broken glass running to go potty when playing outside and sliced my thigh wide open (like 6-7 inches open). 48. I've never lived alone ever. 49. I'm 5'4". 50. My middle name is Darlene. Always disliked it because I thought it sounded very "red neck" LOL. 51. I partied way too much in college. I went to a Frat house 3 to 4 times a week and partied and goofed around. I had that never been away from Mama syndrome. 52. I am notorious at researching anything and everything about medical stuff, science, the dictionary :toothy grin: yep I was teased about that one when I was young by my own step-brother of all people. 53. I make all my red sauce, marinara, spaghetti, red cream sauce you name it from scratch. I can't stand jarred varieties anymore. 54. I've been to New Brunswick, Canada; Bangor, Maine; Ohio; Michigan; West Virginia; Virginia; North Carolina; South Carolina; Georgia; Alabama; Mississippi; Florida; Louisiana; Oklahoma; Texas; Arkansas; Missouri; Illinois; Kentucky; Indiana; Pennsylvania; New York; Massachusetts; Wisconsin; Ontario, Canada and Tennessee. I have lived in Tennessee, Virginia, Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi. 55. I had my first cell phone when I was 34 yeah I was a late phone bloomer. 56. I graduated high school in 1990. 57. Pretty much my whole family lives in Tennessee but my husband is from California (Born in Lima ,Peru...raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina and is Italian) he's a mixture. 58. I don't really watch any sports except Futbol (Soccer) and my favorite player by far is Lionel Messi. 59. I have a phobia of spiders. Well I hate bugs in general but spiders I have flipped my car over. 60. My next door neighbor to the right has two female Pit Bull puppies and my neighbor to the left has a beautiful Husky/German Shepard mix. I love them and they love me. 62. I like to sew and am servicing my Janome so I can sew with my sewing machine rather than just by hand. 63. I like to dig in the dirt. My after stroke project was 2 potted flowers, a potted strawberry plant, 1 pot of mint, and a long container of herbs ( lemon thyme, Italian parsley, basil, and rosemary). 64. I also did a big gardening project... I pulled up all the grass where my shrubs are and hand tilled it with a 4 prong thing, hand tilled in compost, and added a 2 inch layer of red mulch. It was an all month project...but I'm proud of it. I did about 10 minutes at a time and on some days I couldn't at all but I did it. 65. I love taking pictures but I'm pretty terrible at it. 66. I still sleep with a stuffed animal sometimes. 67. I'm fluffy as I prefer to call it. 68. I call my Mom almost every day. 69. I like humor a lot. 70. I still close my eyes and make three wishes when I go under a moving train. (Only if I'm a passenger) 71. My home town has a Mule Day Parade every year 72. My favorite candy is Werthers Soft Caramels...I avoid buying them because I can eat the whole bag in one sitting. 73. I still miss hearing the crickets at night...I never hear them in the city. 74. I'm crafty and I like to make things. 75. As a child I have worked many a garden and grew up eating garden fresh veges all summer and canned or frozen ones all winter. As an adult I have had One vegetable garden for about a month and a half then in one night some type of bug ate 85% of everything because I didn't use some form of pest control. 76. I am silly and love to make up songs with my daughter. We have done it forever. Like one night I sang to the moon because I needed to use the bathroom. It took it off my mind until I could get home. 77. Yes I eat spray whipped cream from a can on occasion and I have trained a partner in crime...my daughter. Its like 3 times a year ok well maybe 4 or 5. 78. I have one more guilty eating pleasure...soft polenta doesn't sound very guilty but the way I make it is. I do use 4 cups of low sodium chicken stock, boil that then pour in enough polenta to get the consistency I need and then whisk in i stick of butter 1 tablespoon at a time, pour in heavy whipping cream to make it thinner and softer and then add 1/2 to 1 cup of Parmesan cheese. OMG! It is the best, most yummy, most warming and satisfying dish I make. You can do nothing but melt into a smile when you take a bite. This is definitely a once in a while dish. 79. My maternal mother passed away in her late 40's of a massive heart attack and my paternal father passed away I think in his 50's of a brain tumor. I have been telling my primary doctor for years that I have keep up with my health because those are not good odds. 80. I am almost the most talkative person I know. 81. I have a brother, a sister, an adopted sister, 2 step-sister's, 1 step-brother, and a step brother and sister who passed away. Oh yeah and 2 half sisters. I have a big extended family. 82. I love to wash clothes and dry them...that doesn't include putting them away I wish it did so I wouldn't dread it LOL. 83. I am an eternal optimist, a dreamer, philosophical, sensitive, strong willed, motivating, passionate, and fiercely independent person. Even if I am afraid of things inside. An ironic enigma. 84. I have worked in a shoe store, a department store, a drugstore, telemarketing, a grocery store, 4 different daycares, a management company for mentally and physically handicapped adults that live in individual homes, a school and campus for mentally/physically handicapped children, an optometrist office, part time in a manufacturing distributing company for boots, and as a tax preparer. 85. I grew up going every single weekend or any other extended time to the river... boating, camping, skiing, swimming, tanning, having group fish fries and shrimp boils, fishing, playing in the dirt, exploring, whatever you could do at the river. River Rat. 86. I am usually soft spoken, patient, kind hearted, and love everyone but I can be mouthy, stubborn, loud, and fluff my feathers sometimes. 87. I love lilies. In my potted flower pots that flanked each side of my porch this year there is Catherine Woodbury Day lilies, bright green sweet potato vine on each side and purple wave petunias all in the middle and pouring over the sides. 88. I have been known to be a bit of a dare devil or not afraid to try things. I have ridden so many roller coasters I can't even tell you how many or what kinds, been white water rafting, swung out of trees into water, dived off the tallest diving boards, been target shooting with my Dad, played chicken while skinny dipping in a rock quarry at night, had a gigantic albino python wrapped around my neck while taking pictures with a wrestler and many other things. These may not seem dare-develish to some of you but for me it was. :crazysmile: 89. I am now filled with anxiety if I have to enter a mall. This sucks. :Rage: 90. My car is a red Nissan Versa. 91. I have long hair (brown) that needs a serious cut and color (for those little gray monsters). 92. I wear dentures. Yep it's a secret and now you know it. 93. I drink my one cup of coffee every morning with Italian Sweet Cream creamer. mmmmmmmm 94. I like to read...I haven't been able to get through with a book since the stroke. I like books I can hold but I think I am going to break down and get a Kindle Paperwhite. 95. I am sorta by myself in the friend department right now. I have my husband, daughter, and extended family but I miss having friend time. It's a little of lots of reasons I had a stroke, which causes me to walk funny and talk funny sometimes, I forget names and words, I have emotional lability which can be enough reason, I have sinful amounts of anxiety, don't like loud noises, don't like movement, don't like bright lights, and I just never hear from them anymore. This sucks too. :Rage: 96. This has taken me like 3 days to finish. I honestly think I don't know a lot about myself lol. 97. I wear my hair in a ponytail almost everyday. 98. I am not anemic for the first time in a year and a half! :bow: :kicking: 99. I think I can make friends here. 100. I wear a size 8.5 shoe and sometimes a 9. NEVER ANY HEELS! They are evil.
  14. Reality Check

    I did something I wish I had not yesterday. It started with a Dr. appointment to an ENT due to chronic hoarseness, ear, and throat pain I have been having since January. Seems my asthma inhaler (has a steroid in it) has caused a yeast infection(thrush) on my vocal cords and folds and will probably only need a script for Diflucan. Then I got in my car and drove to where I used to live last year. I got out of the car...knocked on the door...and Adrian answered and invited me in. For those of you that don't know Adrian was the man I had lived with and loved for 10 years until May 18, 2017. Adrian began seeing a girl 30 years his junior, I freaked and had moved out that same week, the next day she moved in, and I have been recovering and mourning since. Today I know in my heart that it is over for the best. But I Drove there. We chatted for about 15 minutes and I said goodbye and left. I have been in a state of confusion since. Emotions washing over me. I don't know why I went. I feel like I have walked backwards a bit. This life is about me...that is where I have wanted it since I left. My insides are nauseous. I am disappointed in myself. I am worthy of someone truly loving me. I deserve no less. I can make it by myself. I should love me first. I know these realities are true even if I am telling myself again. I also noticed somethings today not connected wit the words above. I am dizzy...all the time...I have learned very well how to mask this even to myself. I go into a store and I am working non stop to go through the motions and never acknowledging that I am dizzy. It exhausts me...it changes me for the rest of my day. I can honestly feel not dizzy when I am sitting in a quiet familiar place or lying down. I can't look up, around, far away, down, at moving people...things, lights flickering or moving, walk up or down any stairs alternating feet or without holding a handrail, be or walk in open spaces or large spaces and many many more without vertigo/dizziness, sometimes nausea, many times wit an altered since of stability, feeling my brain slow, lull, get heavier as well as my eyes. It's so constant that I have learned over time how to cope and get through it. It's not the same plane I used to be on. It's alternate, changed, hard work... Depressing. I can't change it. I can't avoid it. I can't escape it. I have learned to be in it. For my sanity as well as for others. I felt it today. It's the loneliest feeling...like I'm separated from my world by glass. I can see and sense all past the glass but no one else can see in. Alone is scary. Do any of you ever feel this disconnect or something similar?
  15. I don't remember shows we watch. I will turn something on and my wife or son tells me we just watched that. I don't remember but we move one. Sometimes I go back to watch a show to see how much I can remember once it starts. They don't understand what I am doing but I can see that I remember some but not all. Other times I can remember the whole show especially if only 30 min. 2 hour movies are more difficult to remember it all. I too start stuff and walk away only to find it again. so frustrating. I use the alarm on my phone for a lot of stuff. set alarms with a note to remind me of thing that I need to do at that time. sometimes to remember to make a phone call tomorrow or something. my medicines, etc.
  16. John Keep up the good work, your working thru this give me hope but I totally understand small things wiping you out, it does the same to me Ed
  17. I can so relate to what you guys are talking about. Struggling to get stuff done. I am almost 3 yrs in and still tire pretty easily. I have taken to do the dishes every morning. load dishwasher and hand wash the rest. Then rest for a while. Just got a stick dyson sweeper. Lighter and quieter than our other one. I can move it. I can move around a bit and get the floor swept. And then rest. Take a shower, then rest. I wish I could take a nap but that is something that I lost with the stoke. I can move around the house without a roller or cane but always use one when going outside. Balance is just not that good. Today I was able to rototill a part of my small garden. After a few minutes was totally exhausted. Muscles very sore, and I rested for the last 7 hours. Just too tired to do more. But it was a great feeling that I could do that now. Couldn't last summer. Needed help with that. Will finish the garden some other time.
  18. Thanks Pam and Kelli. I really value you both. Got to keep on keeping on, the only way we can go is forward.
  19. Thank you Keli, very much, and thank you for that cute poster. I was moved to write because I saw the call to blog that Sue wrote, I thought about her reading them all, and really caring about each. I remember when there were a ton of blogs, so many stories, so much information, those were the days.
  20. Last week
  21. Welcome to StrokeNet. Please feel free to browse around and get to know the others. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

  22. Firstly, Sue you are truly a godsend for so many of people here. Your insight and your unconditional energy is a blessing to , not only me, all of us. Secondly, Pam you are my absolute hero. Reading about your journey with stroke and pain has helped me truly understand compassion, for not only in my life, for others that have to live with pain. Your real and honest words have been a window into something many people don't always understand. You ,and I know you get tired of hearing this, do give a real look for others to learn.
  23. Welcome to StrokeNet. Please feel free to browse around and get to know the others. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

  24. Scott, Hearing that word and knowing you have a problem understanding numbers and questions is so frustrating ,especially when you think you are doing great. I often joke and tell people " the less I know the happier I am". I don't truly mean that but I guess in my way I'm not allowing myself to be controlled by stroke. ( It doesn't always work out but it helps me) I absolutely love this !! My ex-husbands teacher in college would tell the class " Lord, Love a Duck" It is true but it is upsetting nonetheless. I mean who wants to say " Disabled" but again that is a reality. Even if we may have physical deficits or invisible ones, what we may be now , sure, isn't how we saw life being but how you handle it is the key.
  25. I am on long acting,short acting and now a once a week insulin, which I hope does not make me beebop around like that stupid commercial. And I hope all will be well soon, because I hate being allergic to food. Here they want to test, and shoot way before I see food, so I had to train them how I do it. I am turning green from salads, an I may hallucinate it rains spaghetti and meatballs. I just want a good A1Cl. It takes work. I miss being a teen when I had health freedom.
  26. This blog is for you Sue

    My dearest blogger, I thank the stars that I may use words to reach out to others for support because otherwise I would be suffering in silence without the companionship of peers, brothers and sisters who have survived stroke, learned much,and can comfort me only by understanding. How blessed I am that someone out there cares enough to send a beacon out in the universe and then put a guide to read my innermost thoughts,my progress through my years of survival. And no matter what I write, venting dumb stuff, maybe confessions to myself, there is encouragement and acceptance with gentle words and I never feel alone. Thankfully, anything I write is given value by some one reading even when it is blabbering. Thank you for giving me a place to make sure others learn about what happened to me..... and I see other bloggers who validate similar experiences.. And healing from ranting, from gratefulness, from info and friendship. No judging,no fading away invisible. It is hard to pour out my soul It is hard to keep it bottled up I thank the caregiver role models who show me reality I thank all stroke survivors who bravely share stories, accounts of their life, and sharehope,pain,love. You show me what to do to survive, how to go on. Blogging let me reveal what I am now, a stroke survivor, someone terrified and brave, because I can write out my life,me,and someone will see me, and it is ok. I was caged before I found support. Thank you Sue, for continuing to be a super caregiver.
  27. Paul, good point that we must surrender the worry about control, and that we want to trade lol.
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