bartszatmary

That is good advice, my stroke left my with the inability to know when not say somthing.

I now have daily contact with my kids. Two are adults a easy task. The other two are two are 12 & 10 and Mom just set them up with Email. I get messages all day. Not complaining , braging. If I have a complaint I need to now type with two hands to keep up. But I love them Im trying harder more now then ever. I guess I get what I need when I need it. Now I hae to get ready to visit Mom. Have fun guys.

I have been busy today. My both daughters from my first marage are e mailing me. My 2nd wife set up a e mail address and son and I wrote maybe my lil dtr is next. Im lucky The stroke give my kids back. Marry Chirstmas!

I have all my kids back In my life! I have my wonderful wife, my family, my friends, all of you my computer friends I could not make it with out you. God Bless all of you. May He bring the wonderious gifts I have. I have a wonderful life and may you also. Merry Christmas!

Kelly is my third wife. I have 2 dauthers from my first marrage their 24-25, the younger visited me the day after I had the first stroke the oldest called. I email the youngest every cpl days. The oldest I have not heard from again. I got her email from a group e mail. I sent her one, hope she writes back. The group email is from my brother. It details how Im doing health rehab etc. Nice to have family who cares and believe me I dont deserve it . Im just lucky. Surviving the stroke I got a second chance at live I hope I have a second chance w/ my kids. Well my legs are sore and my chest feels tight so Im gonna go. C ya

Hey everyone! I had my surg yesterday It went fine Im a little sore but... Im home! I think I met an angel. She is 84 her name is Evelyn. She had a mesetomy 2 mths ago. She was recovering from a minor surgery today and 12/31/08 she goes in for open heart surg. Her only care at the time was me. When I was discharged the nurse took me to say goodbye to her, shes such a beautiful person such faith and love. Ill ask a favor please pray for Evelyn. Faiths spreads. I thought that my stroke was for a reason. I thought it was because my life was going good and I was forgetting the lord. I wondered why, God must have a plan. I hate to say I lost my patients. I got angry I did not have an answer, and took it out on my wife(Im a dope)I did not have an answer and then got more distant with God.(what a mistake) but I got more depressed. It started to get bad. I got crazy. I started imagining my wife, friends ,and family were out to get me. Just picture me not trusting anyone and needing help from eveyone. Talk about depressed talk about crazy. I was more and more paranoid I just stayed in my room but would get mad if my wife did anything. My relationship with my wife got bad we could no longer comunicate it was so bad we avoided each other. I was psychcotic I had paranoid behaviors I hide things and would loose them. Some how I realized it was me, that I was psycho, I got more paranoid I did not know what to do. I finally Had the chance to talk to Kelly. God intervened She was affaid to be alone with me, there was always arguments but one day I was once again in the hospital and Kelly could not get someone to go with her to visit. God knew it was time and my wife had to come alone. I turned my back on God but God never turned His back on me. I was desparate and prayed the famous "God help me " prayer. That day I told Kel I was sorry and told her about my crazy thoughts. Well with Gods help I felt better. As time went on I least my mind did better. My wife and I got along and were getting closer. I started realize I did have a problem. I never trusted anyone since I was a kid I did not trust anyone I was only so close I protected my heart by trusting no one. Now I understood my crazyness. I depended on people. I needed them. That made me unsafe For the first time I really needed to let the wall around my heart down. Well my wife ,brother my wifes sister were with me for my surgery , my brothers wife at home with kids praying. They all love and care about me. I love and care about them always did. They have been by my side though all of this. After my " oh!God" prayer I learned I have a loving wife and family that I can TRUST I let the walls down and finally live. It took now I trust them 2 strokes many illnesses and heart surg for me to truly be free. Thank you God. A wife and family I can trust and I know will always be by my side is the best present I could have . Thanks for the stroke

Being a chistian is a copout. Dont get mad Ill explain. I was rushed to the er I had a stroke There were 3 of us w/ strokes 1 is in pain the other 2 are in paradise W/ God. Im awake because of pain and going in for surgery in the morning I should be a sleep but awake w/ pain. But Im lucky. I lost my job Im broke almost sure woodworking is a thing of the past I cant walk and work my dogs or train the others I was training a passion of mine all my plans and dreams gone and Im lucky. The other 2 in paradise and me in pain and broke and Im lucky. That sounds dumb. But think about it I have beautiful wife who has been my side taking care of my every need I KNOW she in it for better or worse The worse she has made better I know she is there for me, never in my adult life has there someone I could count on like her and I got Kelly. See I told you Im lucky. See Im lucky Ive been telling you that. And all it took was a copout. It was all to much for me and overwelming I was giving up and alittle prayer asking for the Lord to step in and it was done He has taken over why because I asked. Ask for forgivness just try to be better and youll get what you need and somtimes what you want.The Lord gave me vision and I have now seen how lucky I am. The Lord has made me truely see show good I got it and how I might slirr my words limp forget almost everything But Im the man! I got the prettyest wife in town and the most careing , she is beautiful inside a heart of gold When we go out to eat shell make heads turn and she is watching out me for at all times like Im her world and even cuts my meat. What man has it like that. I do. Am so very lucky. All it took to see that was a little prayer and not only to I have Kelly by my side but the lord has the other side and both our backs Its easy, just copout when it gets to much turn your will over to God and Bam God takes over and you see how lucky you are. I did and you can too. Now that we both know how easy it is to copout and for God to take over and know how lucky we are Im goting to bed. I have God awake and watching over me.Good night May God bless you keep and shine His light upon you. May you get the spirit so you too may see.

I always faught city hall, so much so I worked for them. Fight the system beat the odds ,im in. I went to the neurlogest today he said the numbness on my arm and hand is permament, much of my weakess will stay Ill be damned. Im not done. I might not get all back but this is not enough Ill beat it. I realize the 2nd stroke pnounia etc put a damper on the recovery but Im not done. I will not give up. I have people counting on me, people who have worked hard caring for me, and I cant be content for all of us Will not be beaten! I cant talk now I got some work to do, latter.

I my name is Bart and Im a stroke survior. I am powerless over my stroke and turned over my will to God. What my new path I take will be in His hands I have asked that He help with all my decissions. I ask that His will be done. I also asked for help with memorey and spilling. Tommrow I go for the heart repair. "It be alright". Kelly my wife her sister and my brother will be there. They all have been there from the start. My cheering squad my shoulder my spiritual guidence my nurse caregiver and the love of my life the reason to be will be there with Him what could wrong ? See you when I get back. I want thank you all for surport and kindness Later.

Im unlucky I need the meds to move so I move and do impaired It beats the bed.

Yesterday I worked my hand pretty good. I exersized for hours. Today need to get an mri. Other then that. Ill read I got some high school age books from library. I used to love to read. Its work now. But takes me away. I am going to tape my my good hand up today. I guess I should type first. I hear my wife getting my pills ready. Im going to start my hand written diary today for speach again. No trying to be witty today. My wife is off and she makes me nervous dont know why, she is the one person I live for her she makes my life compleat. Maybe Im on edge Because I know I no longer can make her compleat. I was her knight now a patient Life sometimes gaves you a lousy hand but Im good my friend s hands worse she recovered from colan cancer now has lukimema, my hand wins, we need a new deal of cards. God tests us but pray He gives my friend a break. I know in my heart my shuggle will contnue till I learn His lesson Im pig headed and a slow learner. I know He has a plan for me. When I get there Ill be proud again. My wife Kelly cooked me breakfast got to go.

I have to tell you the list of movies lifted my spirits Awondrful life The loose knob thing on the stairs well when I restored my stairs I kept mine loose to remind me life is wonderful even restoring a 150yr house. My cane is a fancy old thing w/ an ornate brass handle leaning against the wall reminds me of santas on 34th street Thanks I needed uplifting for sure

I hate oatmeal and every day oatmeal. V8 everyday. I want good food not food good for you. Why cant a jelly donnut be healthy. Im hungry.... I want a chicken breast breaded fryed topped with a good sauce and cheese, chicken parm I smell it now ...and the garlic .. Im hungry. Dont forget the buttery garlic bread. Im hungry. Ill eat my yogurt. I hate yogurt. What more can I complain about. Oh! I know Im using my left hand and its hard. Its not typing but am using it. I know that using the left finger is a big deal, a feat for today. But Im hungry. Whats there to eat. Pizza pepperoni pizza?! Ill eat yogurt. You know relearning to do things again sucks. I had spent an hour and a half typing this before and the computer signal went down just as I pushed to post. That really sucked. Dont the phone co know how hard it is to type. And Im so busy. I wonder about things buts thats for tomorow. cause I hungry.

I lost my car/house keys once when I went out and locked door I came home and got in but where the keys are thats one set. The other set I lost when I started and moved the truck. Well the point, I looked for the keys cleaning out my drawers, folding all my clothes. I managed to get it folded in the drawers. no keys. I got a clothes closet for tommorow. The pills was 2 .5 hrs light on controling pain. They made my happier then morphine. OH! the the keys I got locked out of the house when I took a break today. It was cold for a hr. Funny huh? I guess Im not ready to drive:D

Went to er after my last blog. spent a few days. saw old friends and had meds. i feel better. i was not ready for the dirt nap. still not. i have a mission to help in rewriting the local hospitals stroke booket and get envolved their training classes for treating stroke patients. i worked at the hospital am an emt and i guess i care. if i can help someone else then all this makes sense dont it? if i cant cut my meat but can help someone else thats amazing. each one of us might seem to have a meaningless life but its not. we are here if only for each other. i believe we are not individules only a part of a community. hows that for a change. Is it the meds? not. i think its the lesson my dogs have tried to teach me since the first stroke.Just a part of the pack.

this afternoon I had the runs. Just to make my day complete

For several days I have a bad taste in my mouth food tastes bad and I get nausus so I have not eaten for days. My lft eye is blurry and today I woke up w/ my lft lung is getting cramps now breathing is a chore I dont Know what else I can over come. Im affraid Im becoming a slug

My will all she can for me. But even she goes downstairs I feel sometimes like a leaper

We used only do stuff together now she needs space from me. Well I decided i want mine also. Shell have less stress because am not going to home much im start going out and livcing

My wife went to a party, one of my friends, she needs to get away. It hurts that im a burden that she needs to get away from but housemd is on tv and im fine.wiith it once i can drive ill have little freedom to get away.also

Hi, I just wanted say thanks, im so wraped in me i forgot everything else. I took the loose fennelle from my stairs.(wonderful life) and pictured my cane against wall(marical on 34th st) your thoughts lifted my spirits thanks

As you know or can imagine I feel I lost me. Not that now Im not proud of who I was but now I can change, what will I be? Its excitng I guess I have a 2nd chance. Forget my old life. Ill start over. May be im lucky ,a stroke of luck. Is this the start of being reborn? Will my new life have the pain I do now?

I lost myself and losing wife also. Why the person closest to me I hurt is beyond me. I hate myself for it. 1 more reason for self loathing

Id be dead given the choice but i guess the choice is not mine i made a promise i would not hurt myself .I only have part of my body and mind but have my word it might be slirred but its all i have left. so suffer i will.Try or care i cant promess i dont now . When it hurts to walk talk move your arm, leg ,neck or when you use the bathroom its a shuggle motervation is low. when before my 2nd stroke my wife said shes affraid to have sex. i realized im only a part of man that i was and the part whats left if your like me you'd wish you lost that part too. If I died tomorow they could not say i lost my life, i lost my life sept 30. now id mearly stop breathing

I went to the hospital for blood work. my wife went to my ocupational threapest to decrribe how i am. i spent 5hrs in the er had morphine and am trying baclofen and percocetts for spasms ill post how im doing tomorow. if i move my pain gets the best if me but as i said to my o/t i hurt enough im not gonna hurt myself. i pray im a new man with a new attitude when i wake up