ksmith

shows I just watched after its done, It feels like the movie I just watched happened two weeks ago and I have to watch it three more times.( mainly after it comes out on DVD or cable.. if I remember) I also set alarms on my phone but I usually forget to either turn the sound on or remember where I put it, I don't have a home phone ( landline) so it can be interesting. Example: Today I got a phone call to remind me of an appointment for Social Services ( State Tax class) and I completely forgot. I said to her, which is true, 'There is no way I can make that class tomorrow for I am no where near New Jersey." my mother and I took a trip to NC to see my sister for our birthday. T he point is I have a bad memory as well and often tell people I can't plan for anything for I will forget what it was, even if I write it down. So My parents know my appointments as back-up. :)

Firstly, Sue you are truly a godsend for so many of people here. Your insight and your unconditional energy is a blessing to , not only me, all of us. Secondly, Pam you are my absolute hero. Reading about your journey with stroke and pain has helped me truly understand compassion, for not only in my life, for others that have to live with pain. Your real and honest words have been a window into something many people don't always understand. You ,and I know you get tired of hearing this, do give a real look for others to learn.

Scott, Hearing that word and knowing you have a problem understanding numbers and questions is so frustrating ,especially when you think you are doing great. I often joke and tell people " the less I know the happier I am". I don't truly mean that but I guess in my way I'm not allowing myself to be controlled by stroke. ( It doesn't always work out but it helps me) I absolutely love this !! My ex-husbands teacher in college would tell the class " Lord, Love a Duck" It is true but it is upsetting nonetheless. I mean who wants to say " Disabled" but again that is a reality. Even if we may have physical deficits or invisible ones, what we may be now , sure, isn't how we saw life being but how you handle it is the key.

I can relate to the feeling of working but I must disagree with you when you say you WERE smart. I believe you are still smart but I understand having a "broken brain" and I feel that way sometimes but when I need to use it watch out. But when , not to be sexist or traditional, we have this ideal that has been ingrained into our being that the man in the one who takes care of us. That's how I see my father as.. I mean he is the one to take care of everything. With the exception of my grandparents. My grandmother was the matriarch of us all. Feeling as your, not you personally, manhood is fading and you in the way isn't true. Your wife is helping you for she loves you and wants to help you. You didn't ask for this to happen and she knows that. If you don't like some of the feelings you have and can do more ,so she doesn't have to do it for you, then try. I'm truly not trying to be heartless.. really. I think this is yet another issues that I can't fully understand for I'm not a man. I hear more and more about men and their feelings with the spouse being 'husband-wife or patient-caregiver" I hope that you both can talk about your feelings. She may be doing more for she doesn't know it bothers you. Keep us up to date :) Good Luck

I would like to a share story happened to me Thursday in my group meeting. There were only a few people there but there was one woman in particular that caught my attention. She had suffered multiple TBI’s and I can’t remember if she had an aneurysm but I know that she was very upset and in pain. Her multiple TBI’s have basically left her walking as a cripple, let me explain, who has multiple sclerosis. On top of which, she broke her right ankle a few months ago and it still has not heal correctly. She came as a guest for she lives about an hour away but I’m glad she came. She started to explain her story and also shared that she wanted to commit suicide earlier that day. I immediately focus most of my attention on her and started to ask her questions for she was complaining about her disabilities. As we got started talking, she explained that she has had a wonderful life, living in Europe dating a celebrity over there as well as getting her degree in arts. She enjoyed painting. She was a very talented painter and that allowed her to escape from any issue she may be going through. Unfortunately, her painting days are very few for she has severe tremors in her right hand, and a difficult time holding in her left hand though she joked to say her nephew said she should paint with her mouth. I personally found this idea amazing and something that she should try but it’s not up to me. As we started talking, I noticed that she was more so lonely than she was anything else even though she had a partner who lived with her and he was more set in his ways and he was “boring”. I started talking to her about grief. How we all grief in our own way and in our own time and this may be why she is so agitated with her partner. She agrees first she’s angry she expressed her anger on more than one occasion. I explained to her I go to a meditation class once a week that’s free, only through donation, and is not too far for her to go. I invited her to come with me, not knowing if she would show up, but to my surprise that evening she did show up. She’s a very spiritual person, as I am, and I introduced her to a gentleman that I had just met they are who teaches the form of Qigong (; literally: "Life Energy Cultivation”: is a holistic system of coordinated body posture and movement, breathing, and meditation used in the belief that it promotes health, spirituality, and martial arts training. Chinese) To my surprise, she had heard of this and she was very excited to try this practice. What was great about it is that it’s a free class where the gentleman is wanting to give back and only ask for donations towards the studio which he practiced. My new friend will be there Thursday for the two classes unfortunately I will not be there but I told her I would meet her there the following week. We exchanged phone numbers and we only share a text every day to make sure the other one is doing okay. They say that it’s a gift to me people that you feel like you have known your entire life well my new friends is definitely one of them.

I met a women who experiences constant pain and told me she honestly thought about suicide. That broke my heart and I started to tell her about you and all that you go through and yet you are optimistic. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I am at fault for vomiting positivity and for that I'm sorry. The woman I met has had a few TBI's that causes her body to contort and ache and she expressed almost verbatim the words you have said. You , though you may not feel like it, help others and in doing so are looked up to and admired. I don't think completely blocking you friends is a good thing. You are still you. I cried reading your words. I will have to get to process my thoughts first.

Pam, you never cease to my sunshine. I will never make fun of that bunny for green is my favorite color xxx

that is a cute story

totes

I can walk short distances without a cane or arm but get me behind a grocery cart.. watch out.. it's a like a walker with turbo,,

Well I finally have the Dragon software successfully added to my computer, which helps me with my posting for I have trouble getting my thoughts, no matter what size, from my brain to my fingertips .I wanted to make a blog entry for I am very excited for my mother and I are going to be traveling to North Carolina next week to make a surprise ambush on my sister for our birthday. She has two children, one of which is still in high school, who are bottomless pit. Basically meaning they eat everything and anything that’s in the house. My sister and brother-in-law have had a very difficult time since moving from New Jersey down to North Carolina for pay scale is so much different . We know that because of the cost of living in Truckinttdifferent. They’re very happy and I know that they both trying hard but at times they can have a bit of a situation with food when you have two garbage disposals living there. So after she called me very upset that all of the food that she bought was literally eaten within two days, for my nephew was home on spring break, in which he played video games and stuffed his mouth. Now this doesn’t come to any surprise for those that have teenagers or have had teenagers , I completely understand for I have one that has graciously passed it in one that is entering. I wanted to buy her a mini fridge, which I did, so she can store all of her food to ensure that she has some left at the end day. My father has purchased a lock, a key lock mind you, to ensure safety on her lunches. My mother wanted to give her notice that we were coming down to which my father and I adamantly said no because what would an ambush be in a surprise visit you have forewarning. Now being twins, I am certain that her ‘Spidey sense’ has given her some question for I have not sent down a birthday card yet and she knows I’m always on time. I know that sometimes money can be very tight for that when it comes to family do what we need to do what we can. I plan on stocking up her freezer and mini fridge for a present. I have always shared that since my stroke, I truly never want a gift for any holiday or birthday for my gift is being here. Knowing I have my sisters back and she mine, is all the happiness I need.

I'm in no way speaking for Tracy but as I read that is: I totally understand all of the thoughts that Ed has and have similar problems and I'm gaining insight from him in my own life. That may be NOTHING to do with her thought but two points, 1. We all take things differently then what may have been intended 2. Listening causes for self-reflection.

Ed.. I can't tell you enough how I understand, as so many of here, how life happens. My eyes are whacky, my balance causes me to fall often and appear drunk when I walk. I know over time, I became , I hope I can convey this, more accustomed to it or more manageable. Yeah it's not great or perfect but my brain has try to adjust and also with corrective lens , in my glasses, or a patch and gabapentin has helped, not a fix by any means. I got a divorce since my stroke and thought, no one will want me again. I still haven't dated and mainly for I don't want to. I'm enjoying my space. I mean it wouldn't be fair to you if your wife isn't happy or visa versa. As with recovery, just wake up each day and make it the best day for you'll never get that day back.