ksmith

Executive Management
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Everything posted by ksmith

  1. I Apologize for the jumbled and that is yet another reason I don't blog nor post a lot. My mind gets jumbled easy 🙂
  2. totally it!!! I'm glad that you pulled the heart of it out 🙂 cheers
  3. I believe I hit a mile stone. I was always trying to not accept how far were my limits or what I can do for I always wanted to keep the hope alive that, even though I knew what was realistic, could be better... When I reached that point ( reaching my limitations), I got scared angry because I didn’t want it to be ‘ my cap’. Now that it’s happened ,holy cow ,I feel better but I do understand that I may revert back to other “stages of grief but sadly my co workers heard the 12 years of trying to accept my stroke in 3 hours. So they got the whirlwind . I am very aware that not everyone can work but I’m very aware that everyone ,at some point will come to a realization such as this and although it can be scary and It can make you angry it is a relief, at least for me. I am very aware that not everyone is going to be happy with the results that they have been left with from the stroke but to accept this is you is a relief, at least again for me. I know that my 'safe space' is the beach. I decided to take my camera for a friend of mine and I were talking about his photography. I wasn't even in the mood or had it even occurred to take photos. As I was trying, and this wasn't the right camera for outside for this was a LCD display to look at. I began to slow down and listening to my music, I began to slow down. Sitting on the beach reminded me it’s not that bad and it’ll be all alright. I know where my Zen Den is. 💓 I'm glad I found that place for the co-worker I spoke to first, ended up going to the ER (via ambulance) for chest pains.. but she has A LOT on her plate even before me and **update She's OK*** (( back story.... This was Sunday night at 9:00p and I had already been up since 8a and due to another health issue with staff- they called me. I'm the closet. I took a nap ** 1.5 hrs** the work 11pm-7am and it was I was overly tired but I thought I was still able to do what I used to for I getting into a 'groove' well NOPE.. thankfully all my co workers understand and my supervisor knows my father for she ran cross country when my father was the coach so she reached out to make sure I was and he explained how I so worked in the past. Granted Pre stroke and unmedicated ADHD. So the short of the long is I can't and that's OK and all is good at work))) *****side side side note: NO One at work had ever known me to completely have a mental split,, of sorts... and now they have seen and heard the worst. I never said nor showed anything to any individual ( resident) of the Group Home**** And you can hear people say to accept is easy... but is it? Many who say they have "Despite being one of the most important life hacks any of us can master, the practice of acceptance is enduringly difficult. Where many of us get stuck is that we start out with a warped understanding of what acceptance is and how it works. We think that accepting something means getting over it. But this isn’t the case" Link-(acceptance )
  4. Tracy, sometimes it's hard to express how you feel. Steve once told me , a while ago when I was very upset over something, no matter what you say and no matter how you say it, you'll never please everyone. My truth was and is, I don't share a lot of things because of that , not that I don't feel trusted to do so, but I know that we all have a hard times and I have never been able to explain my problems in a way that can be understood. I remember when I first came and I was trying to explain my memory and , as you know, unless someone can relate it is near impossible to get them to understand. No negativity and no hate just then. Similarly, I can't understand what it's like to relate to someone who's mind is fine and try to understand how doing all they do is possible. I can't. I can only understand that we all have struggles and our lives have changed forever. It's challenging to explain how I feel when I can't get out of bed and feel like I have spun around for 2 hrs. and tried to walk. I can't put that into words and , trust me, I've tried all the wonderful suggestions I've been giving as well as talked to my doctors to only come to the conclusion:: " It Is What It Is"... nothing helps. I can relate to many of the issues you have even though, I can't accurately understand. All strokes are different. I always felt blessed that I can understand a lot of issues and that is in part to the different places my one stroke later spread to and because I can do what I can. I do sometimes vent, as well all should and do, but I just enjoy seeing when go over the arc of emotions to acceptance. That makes me happy
  5. ksmith

    Checking In

    I'm so happy you came back. You are truly someone who has helped so many others, along with all the caregivers and family, with understanding and advice. You are always welcome here and I can say , on a side note, was so happy to hear your name again.
  6. OMG Tracy, I was just telling someone that when there is a big gust of wind, swear I will blow over
  7. Yes, I quit right after my stroke and they say ex smokers are the worst. But I can admit EVERY once in a while, I don't mind the smell of a menthol. Crazy.. I'd never smoke again though. 12 + cold turkey as they say. I'm not sure if a doctor or nurse or a mental Hallucination but I was told if I smoke again I'll die. So.. stopped for I was sacred to die....
  8. I am THAT cat lady as well. My small 900sqft place looks like PetSmart. On social media, you'd never know I had human children lol Going back into a place again must be sad/scary/love/peace all wrapped into one. I think that you are very strong and will find that once there, you're living for you both. He is in your heart. Try to think before the stroke and the happiness and love and wrap that tight and put that in your heart and mind. Love is a powerful bond my friend and it's still raw and of course you're going to be in a "funk". Allow it but don't let it take over. With the warmer weather, walks are nice, nature, grow some Herbs ( basil, rosemary..etc) ( I'm the odd ball here ** Hippy Buddhist full of Magick ❤️💛💜 but I smudge twice a year ( spring & fall) with sage and monthly with cedar with good intensions and ask for peace and good energy to guide me) ( closet I could find to a virtual hug) And the sign my parents got me for Christmas ::
  9. I do not have phantom itches but the smells.. Oh boy I smell cigarette smoke and I , not meaning too, think my mom has forgave me but when she cooked her famous ( to us) pot roast I told her it smelled like garbage . I had to leave the house
  10. I have read that phantom smells are common after a brain injury. Have you experienced any?
  11. thank you Sue. It is hard . Our organization should have one on stand by especially for those who reside in a group home. There are therapists in an institutional setting. We are not , in anyway, that agency. All we can do is ask and to be told.... "well...." for we all know its the $$ for insurance. Again, I feel it would be beneficical. Boy, I'm so glad you can read stroken'ese. I was re reading my blog and golly, it truly reads like a Pollock paining hahah
  12. So I work for the an organization that supports individuals with both mental and physical disabilities and mostly are adults, at least I where I have been. With anyone, aging may cause other health issues like dementia, Alzheimer's. I worked with a man, who was on a chopped diet, ( food cut no more the 1 inch and eliminating foods that could cause choking) and I would explain to him that I also had issues with swallowing too. Well, I got moved to another program in since December, he had to go on Puree and just the other day I heard he started to asperate on Ice Cream. Firstly, I would have never given him ice cream but we have to follow a doctor prescription. Well, it happened, he was eating ice cream and was trying to cough then, he was in an altered state. Thank goodness there was a staff there that is an ex-EMT that this staff called and she ran there and the staff who was working the apartment with him, gave him the hardest thrust on his back and it was just enough to jolt him to alert and the he was able to swallow and get air again. 911 was called and he is set to have a gtub installed 4/12. But my point is the 'nurse' ( I think of her like an Rn who became a school nurse and isn't up to date with nursing education) said that until , after he came home from the hospital, to resume his chopped diet until he sees his PCP. I mean yes this is on his RX but...but... if the doctors at the ER says that wouldn't be a good idea so it took the Staff ( former EMT, to get loud and stating, have the Doctor at the ER to write a script to stay on Nectar consistency liquid until seeing his PCP. Now , we, as staff, have brought up his ( individual) issues with swallowing. We all know a speech therapist is the one who assess our ability when it comes with swallowing. Yes, I understand that the men and women who reside in the program do have their individual rights and some have guardians but I believe that having a therapist there can assist in their own lives. It's not taking away their right nor would it cause them not to have their independence instead affirm their ability to have the tools to live that life. I know the organization I work for truly cares for the men and women that are in the program but sometimes the macro shows a perfect view when the micro is where the heart is.
  13. Sweetie, We, I, will always try to do what we can for you... I'll send you a PM 💓
  14. I'm glad it is going well. Please keep us up to date on your balance 🙂
  15. Oh my darling, I'm terribly sorry for you losing your love but heartened that you both made each others life for the better. You are always welcomed here for all the love and support you need xxxooxx
  16. a pleasure to hear from you again and I'm glad all is well. WoW I'm so happy to hear Tippy news again xxoo
  17. I'm so sorry you are having these struggles. You are not alone in your feelings for many are going through this in their own way. OK.. I took these 3 points out of what you shared. I have been hearing a lot of psychologist talking about mental stresses from Covid. We love our spouse/loved one/family/partner/ etc... but having to be secluded from the world, and our outlets, has been bringing us to the brink of our mental limits. Where I currently work at , there are 6 individuals there that have seen each other every day for a little over a year. The company had policies that restricted going out into the community. Short staff and we were in quarantine for a time ( full PPE) but all was good but the mental health distress is quite evident so I can visualize how this must have made you feel. Can you have Zoom appointments with your doctor or over the phone? Having memory issues after a stroke is one thing but it sounds like, to me, that the monotonous of not being able to get out of the rut, which is not your fault and something that you can't change. When you are able to get an outlet you are in control and , for me at least, are feeling like you're on your A game. I, too, have an issue with following directions especially ones on paper. I have to call my parents or family or even my neighbors to read something and break it down and explain it to me. Even when that happens the chances of me grasping it is mediocre at best. I can understand the feelings of not being able to do things on my own. I must say I think you are to hard on yourself. I say that lightly because i believe we all are to hard on themselves. It sounds like you both are having cabin fever times a million. wait... Marathons? I was always a sprinter not long distance. Is it true that running releases endorphins?
  18. I concur with everything that you said . I, too, owe Steve everything that he made available and provided for many stroke survivors who are trying to navigate their new life after this horrible event .He helped me out of a very dark place after my stroke for I did not understand many things that I was going through. And I’m sure like everyone else I felt like I was alone but he provided a safe place for us to come and meet other survivors. That same sentiment was shared at his funeral service amongst his Family and friends. (The photo below was taken after his stroke and his smile and laugh was extremely contagious and brightened up everyone’s day)
  19. I spoke to Missy and asked if I may share her email with anyone who would like to share a kind word about Steve or the Stroke Network, or to simply share a prayer with her and thought that would be lovely. If anyone would like to wend her an email, please let me know and I'll give you her email. Send me a message through the board .. Cheers
  20. I can tell you he was a man of faith along with his family. His faith grew more after his stroke but rest assure, they are convinced he being rewarded .
  21. I barely made it. Red Bulls and listening to Korn lol when I got home I fell right to sleep and other than feeding the cats, slept most of Thursday night but it kicked my butt Friday. I was in bed sleeping from 5a-7p ( still have to keep my overnight sleep but I can tell you.. messed it up .... oh well
  22. Missy invited me to speak at the service but I was so tired , I don’t do well with social situations because of my aphasia and I would’ve just broke down. But she knows and everyone knows the greatness that came from the Strokenetwork
  23. I shared with Missy all of the positivity that came out at the Strokenetwork. I was there for all of us not just me. But sadly I couldn’t stay to go over to his daughters house for after service refreshments. I had worked the 11 to 7 that night at 7 o’clock in the morning I drove straight to above Baltimore ( 2 ish hrs each way) more so needless to say I was too exhausted to stay with us true.
  24. ksmith

    Balance

    I concur with Sue. I can't catch myself. I give in to the fall.. welp.. here I go. lol