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Stroke Caregiver - male
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About nancyl
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    Chief Mentor
  • Birthday 03/20/1967
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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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  1. nancyl

    Peace that is, at the end, what we all want-- Im so glad you have that. William is at peace, you know where he is and he is OK, he doesn't need anything. Thank You So much for the update. Since his passing, I've checked a few times - Im so glad to have heard from you. Thinking of you..... NancyL
  2. nancyl

    I am so sorry for your loss, you named your blog "it is done".... I get that, on so many levels.... Thank you for always being there- thanks for your intelligence and sharing of your lives. Thinking of you.... NancyL
  3. nancyl

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. NancyL
  4. nancyl

    I liked reading your take on the inside of a nursing home. It helps me to remember Dans issues there as well. Its probably why he refuses to leave or socialize. Although the other residents are generally pretty elderly - not many are anywhere close to his age. But still,- what do I know, I don't live there and it is hard for Dan to communicate complex things like what you are experiencing. So thank you for your hard earned insight... NancyL
  5. nancyl

    calm - warm thoughts -- being sent to you . Nancy
  6. nancyl

    Angel---your mine. Actually you are a angel to many of us. Always there with a reply and encouragement. You have led by example, and with love. None of us know- none of most likely want to know. Your the best - thank you for the update .... Nancy
  7. nancyl

    I have thought and thought on it.. For now Im leaving it alone... as in I'll leave him in the nursing home. We looked at another facility, but Dan said no, it was actually nicer and cheaper but he seemed frightened of "change" so I'll leave him where he is at . I guess at the end of the day, we are surviving. So for now I'll leave it alone. Routine seems to be his answer, so he does his scanning at my work, is well behaved while there. Dans money is attached to him, no getting away from that. His stroke was work injury related. So its all paid through insurance, its just wasteful.... but as with all things... It is what it is.
  8. nancyl

    Oh Ruth - - Bless you. If words were enough I would say them, they are not.... Bless you both --- Nancy
  9. nancyl

    Our particular steps of life are constantly moving-- Im not a huge Harry Potter fan , and haven't seen any of the movies lately, but I recall the first one. Where he is being shown around the school/ dormitory where he is told watch the stairs - it keeps changing. Like those moving stairs - we never know where we are gonna end up. Ruth I have always admired you. Without you and my other " guidance councilors" I don't know what I woulda done. I Agree with SassyBetsy - you are Bruce's Queen.
  10. nancyl

    Crazy Lady seeks advice

    Ok - input appreciated- especially those who have followed me for years - literally !. Its taken a long time for me to settle down and into my "stroke widow" role. I was pretty young when it happened to Dan and I had ambitions of my own- all flushed when Dan stroked. So after the 4 years of caring for Dan ended with me in the mental institution and him in a nursing home - I am debating bringing him home. Why - Im doing virtually all his cares and still paying the bill for his care. Im finding, I may, in a few years down the line end up in financial issues if I continue to payout for his care, and even though I have a great boss I do not earn but barley a 1/3 of my previous - before stroke salary. With all the constant care and paying attention needed I could never commit to a job like I had previous . The job I have now accommodates , don't pay well, but is very accommodating. And I feel the actual want to care for him again in his our home. I feel most of the "RUN" has been taken out of me. Im not running as much , given up the alter life I tried to have. Of course this will involve some planning and work , by no means is this gonna happen anytime soon. The home I have now is not handicap accessible , can not do long term care in it. So I would have to look at homes AGAIN --again history is repeating itself. So Im playing with the idea. Have not and will not tell Dan anything as I have not made a solid decision. I kinda feel like I don't want Dans story my story or OUR story to end in the nursing home YET. I recognise I may be repeating a pattern, but the pattern of everyday Nancy to the home to work to the home --- then to my house to sleep and repeat and paying a institution to do what I do isn't working either.... So for fun people digest this..... Yesterday the home had changed Dans bedding - YAH !!! so I notice the blanket on the one side the visible is hanging really low , so I figured I would pull his bed out and even out the blanket. I pull out the bed and his blanket on that side has like 2 feet on the floor.... Im like WTF ?? so they took the rectangular blanket put it on the bed wrong ( side ways) and figured the extra would just go away... I laughed so hard.. Went and talked to his nurse supervisor and was like - I don't know who special ed is that made that bed , but man if you can't do the most basic simple and easy job in the whole place - I pity the residents. I wasn't adversarial and not even angry - just the daily shenanigans of the home is so frustrating. They are having so much trouble as are all the homes hiring that a "warm body" is pretty much the only qualification. I just don't know that the home is the best for Dan at this point. Im sure he'll end up in a home again, but I guess Im willing to try again... but the decision is not made and a lot would need to happen if thats the decision. Im not in a hurry --- and yes to my long time stroke net friends please chime in tell me what you think. You know my history, you know ME and you know the STROKE ISSUES we all deal with daily.---- Nancy
  11. nancyl

    family and funerals

    Dan has had 2 uncles die in the past 1.5 months. Although he was close with them back in the day and up till the stroke would go home and hunt with them , they had not put any effort into coming to see him or reach out in any way. So when Jimmy died - I figured I wouldn't tell him, why- things good and bad like that create depression for Dan and by default depression in me as well . But one of Dans sisters decided to stop and see Dan at the home on her way home from Jimmys funeral and told Dan about it- so that blew up in my face. It had been 4 years since she had made any effort to see Dan but had to stop in and create some chaos. I don't think it was malicious - just thoughtless. although Dans family did make a "hub -bub" about no one from Dans family being in attendance. So when "Terry" died I told Dan, and he wanted to go to the funeral ( he was closer to Terry ) , so we did. So we got hugs and a thanks for coming. But his family chose a inaccesible place to sit together and no room for Dan. So we sat in a area by ourselves. Some aunts came and sat with us and other various family as well. But Dans immediate family just stayed at their table and never came and talked to Dan . I could not have gotten him and his chair over to their table if I had tried. So we ate and we left. It was a very uncomfortable experience. I guess I expect to much. And in reality, if situation was reversed would I be any better ? I don't know. On another front - I have a friend who came home for a funeral from Oklahoma , Her and I were close back in my old work days. She has had 2 kids and her husband is a genuine POS who just can't keep a job, can't be trusted to help with the kids, doesn't pay her opinions any mind, lets his family treat her like garbage - etc. etc.... the is is a smart hardworking girl. But through the past two or three years has only reached out to me during the bad times in her world. I have helped her financially, I have offered to pay to bring her "home" . But she stays in that bad situation. So she came home was at my house rehashing her life and I finally just said- Your married to a POS and the only person who can change your situation is you. She took it ok at the time. But musta ruminated on it through the night, cause she was gonna call me in the morning but never did, and I found out she left town. I feel bad, but - Im not a good person to whine to, especially cause I got my own issues . And I have helped as much as I can. But I also know she has no one in her corner, so I wish I woulda just kept my mouth shut and stayed in her corner. And I am still inner corner. as I texted her and said when and if she needs I will still make good on my offer to help her move "home". Life....
  12. nancyl

    HUGS !!! But now I want some fries. I wonder why ? lol
  13. nancyl

  14. nancyl


    Dan likes to be busy-- I found the perfect pastime, he is scanning things at my work. It is entertainment for him. He feels useful and it is needed. Problem ? What!?? Dan cause a problem? LOL He wants to come everyday to my work.... Not practical. But I am doing my best to keep it regulated, in reference to my work. And he gets to leave the home 28 days out of 30, so he is not just wasting away in a nursing home- we will go to grandkid events or to my daughters house or cabin and visit. Dan is doing fairly well right now, we still go through the no eat no drink days. But not so much right now, I keep the mantra - "if God wanted you, he'd have you." He lost 2 uncles in the last month and is kinda sad, although we hadn't seen hide or hair from them since Dan stroked, so there is that resentful feeling , that you wish you could rise above. Its hot here in ND, But we stay indoors for the most part. The nursing home scratched Dans glasses so Im dealing with getting Dan a new pair, but even something so simple , with Dan and his OCD is difficult. Im thankful to have the nursing home, but at the price tag it carries and the amount of work I do in taking care of Dan am bothered by it. But my caregiving has to have some boundaries - or Dan will run me ragged and NUTS again. But gosh I feel guilty. My sister takes Dan to a movie on fridays , giving me that "day off" to work, and sometimes go out with my friend Wendy. Or just go home and vegetate - or like others net flix. Cant seem to get the ambition to go and do some good housecleaning- I got to go through stuff and PURGE. Over all my depression is better than last year at this time, so I guess thats progress, Im making a real effort to resign that this is my life, DEAL with it. I've put on a lot of weight - admittedly mostly alcohol calories.. LOL -- that is what it is..LOL
  15. nancyl

    Girl - I don't know how you do it. Traveling for me with Dan is so darn hard, and its more me than him that is the problem- lol