Pamwill

Yep my sentiments exactly. I also believe in troubles may come in the night but joy comes in the morning and you get that joy from believing it will come.

I'm so sorry to hear that and we all had those same feelings when we reached those milestones. I just passed my 1 year anniversary, I was so anxious and just ready for that day to pass. And it did, and you have to. Just keep your head up and the next milestone will be a breeze. Pam

Katrina, I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble being happy and believe me I can relate all to well. But I have come to realize that happiness is a a state of mind and has nothing to do with your circumstances. Because if you base your happiness on your circumstances then you will be on an emotional roller coaster forever. I follow some of Asha's methods by listening to lots of motivational books, music, and people. And going to church really keeps me grounded. The church I attend really stirs and feeds my spirit. Also, I realized that Xanax was making me feel worse so I switched to Paxil and now I'm pretty much drug free, only take it when absolutely necessary. Also I start my day with prayer and conversation with God so that I have peace in my heart and mind as I go through the day. When I start to feel the slightest negativity I replace it immediately with something positive to keep the negativity from setting in. I know it sounds like a lot to do on a regular with all that's going on in our lives but now it's a habit and I'm more happier now than I have ever been in a very long time stroke and all. I had my last neurologist visit the other day and they can't find the cause of my stroke. So my choices are to go on living my life without fear of having another stroke or worry myself to death about finding out why which might cause a stroke in and of itself. And I chose to move on and live my life cause more than likely it will be something else to deal with anyway. I certainly hope the stroke didn't take away your ability to feel happy. And I'm going to believe that it didn't. Just like with everything else you've been through its a process that you need to work on getting back and it will take a lot of work and time but you can do it. Just like all other battles you've conquered I'm sure you will beat this negativity and find happiness again. You are an amazing and beautiful young woman. And God didn't bring you this far to leave you, he might be quite and that just means he's working on some things. And he has proven to you that you can do all things thru Christ that strengthens you. May you have peace and many blessings. Pam

My sentiments exactly. I have a short fuse too these days and can't handle a lot. I have one coworker who comes at me with petty stuff and tries to help in her own way but she doesn't understand where I'm coming from so I end up blowing up at her only to apologize later. Not for what I said but how I said it. So after everything you've been through its time to keep it real and not hold back, just work on your delivery but still get your point across.

Wow Jamie that's a lot to deal with in such a short period of time. But you are one tough cookie and I really admire how you deal with it all. Just another hurdle to jump over but I'm sure you will beat this MRSA issue with flying colors. Pam

Ruth, Sorry to hear that work is stressful and not working out but just look at as one bad day as long as every day is not like that. And your boss isn't very much help either. Since you told him what's going on it was his job to step in and help resolve the situation. Deciding to quit your job is a tough decision so give it some real thought before you jump ship. Just change your attitude and not let it get to you cause it's just a job and its not your life. Just do what you can and everything will work out. I know we all want the easy way out but it's never good to be hasty with decisions like this. When it's time for you to go you should feel at peace with your decision. Pam

I’m sorry your recovery is a rocky road but it will smooth out soon. And just remember that you need to have just as much faith in God as he has in you so you can trust that he will do his part. I will keep you in prayer, so continue to stay strong and positive and soon you will see that you will have the victory and overcome this road block. Pam

Well I went to the Neurologist today and was released from his care. They were not able to find a cause for my stroke after checking the common causes for my age group such as a hole in the heart, dissection, and a blood cotting disorder. In his experience he found that one of two things happen, people generally live stroke free healthy productive lives or they stroke again and don't go back to see him cause they figure he was wrong and don't know what he's talking about. However, he does keep a file for those unknown 30% for future updates in case research shows otherwise, then he'll give me a call. So out with the old and in with the new. And so I'm moving on with a new attitude, look, place, and it would be nice to package it all together with a new man. Lol We'll see how that goes but I'm sitting around waiting on it that's for sure. But I suppose it would have been nice to know so that I'm not always wondering if will happen again and be worse. When in actuallity it could have been worse the first time and I not be here so I just need to get rid of that thinking and be thankful that I'm still here to tell my story and encourage others. This experience has taught me two important lessons, one I'm not in complete control of my destiny and two it's not about me. This is God's plan and will for my life, I'm just a vessel used for his mission, and all the credit, glory, and praise goes to him. In a weird way, and I mean weird. I'm kinda glad it happened. I truly am a better person because of It. I really enjoy helping other people, I'm happier and I try each and every day to put a smile on someone's face to brighten up their day because life is too short not to. Pam

That’s great news. At least I know there’s still hope.

Please excuse my spelling I meant to amazing caregiver. And keep those dreams alive. !!!

You’re more than good for something, you’re an amazing wife and careful and I’m sure Dan is blessed to have you. And yes I know what it’s like to reminisce about the past I do it all the time myself but I also day dream about the future and it’s amazing sometimes they are almost in sync with each other. Kinda weird I know right, but maybe it’s God’s way of showing me that there is more to come in my life and I just need to keep believing and putting my trust in him. Pam

Wow you’re doing great. And yes I heard the horror stories about working for lawyers it can be brutal. Do what you can, just be careful to get some relaxation in sometimes, and don’t overdo it. I’m glad you’ve found the internship, you’re enjoying it and making a difference. Keep us posted on your new and exciting adventure. We’re all looking forward to being success stories too. Pam

AWESOME NEWS. I pray that we’re all SUCCESS STORIES. Pam

Fred, It’s amazing that it doesn’t take as much as we think to make us happy. And if cooking is your thing, then go for it. And yes I know what it’s like to want to do so much but just don’t have the energy or stamina like we used to. You are truly blessed to have your wife who really cares and is there for you. I was just saying the other day that I wish I had a loving and caring husband who was by my side to help me get through this. It really makes a big difference having to everything myself. It’s exhausting and I have to constantly motivate myself to keep going and do what I need to do but sometimes it’s just too much and I shut down every now and then. And Fred from the way you talk about your wife, she is a wonderful person and you let her know all the time how much you love and appreciate her. Pam

Hey that’s the least of our worries, don’t sweat the small stuff, enjoy your homemade waffles. I have to work with store bought cause I’m not a cook. lol Pam

I know you are so happy to finally be independent. It’s such a wonderful feeling to feel like you can take care of yourself. Can’t wait to make the big move myself. Pam

Yep I agree, we gotta test our limits sometimes to find out what we can and cannot do. So letting go is a good thing, just keeping trusting and believing that everything will work out. I gotta make a move myself and it's really scary so i know. Pam

Jessie, I too have had thoughts about passing away from another stroke or that I’m just not going to live a long life. But I’m doing my best not to continue thought patterns like that. I’m not claiming it and won’t speak it anymore but I definitely know where you are coming from with those thoughts. I haven’t said it to anybody because I too am ashamed for thinking such things and everybody will think I’m going to the extreme so just kept it to myself. But here I feel free to really express myself without feeling guilty or ashamed because it’s the truth and I need to own up to it so I can move on. So now I push them out and replace them with thoughts like I want to see my son’s children and spoil them like my parents did. So just keep pushing those thoughts out when they come and find something in life that you look forward to and replace it with those happier thoughts. Pam

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate the kind words of encouragement. As always I get more sympathy from you all, my new extended family. And yes the walk and blogging on the network really helped me get it all out and I feel so much better today. I was listening to a spiritual message last night and it said when you wake up talk to God first thing in the morning before you do anything else, keep your mind focused on him, meditate on some scriptures, and you will be amazed at the renewed feeling that will come over you. And sure enough it did. I felt at peace and fully rested, and nothing or no one irritated or upset me today, which is rare these days with my emotions all over the place. I had a good day at work, accomplished what I needed and when I looked up it was time to go and I wasn’t even tired or drained like I normally am. Plus I needed to take of getting my medical records in order that I avoided for quite some time and actually got what I needed from these doctor’s offices that can’t seem to do their jobs. LOL It’s interesting now because I really don’t miss the attention from my friends like I used to, the folks here on strokenet have done a wonderful job of filling in for my loss. And my normal pattern of dealing with stress and loss is keeping to myself anyway, exercising, and getting closer to God because he is the only one who can get me through this and anything else that comes my way, and he has so many times before that’s for sure. I still have my moments of the woe is me syndrome but for the most part I do pretty good with coping to life’s stressful events. Pam

I went to my second cousin’s funeral yesterday who passed from a heart attack I guess, not really sure, didn’t get all the details. I really didn’t want to go because not sure if I could handle that because the whole experience is so close to home. So I’m having one of my shutdown days and stuck in my room. I don’t even want to talk to anybody about it because they will all think that I’m taking it too personal and it wasn’t me. And I really don’t have anybody that I can talk to anyway that understands so I’d rather talk to you all than my own family and friends. A shame is all I can say but it is what it is. And I now realize that this stroke thing really messes with my emotions because I wouldn’t have felt this way before. Now is when I wish I could go for a drive and just get away for a moment but since I can’t walking is the next best thing. So I’m going to pick myself up and take a nice long walk to get it all out and hopefully that helps. I’ll be glad when I’m not so needy anymore and get the old Pam back, maybe that’s why people back away. Pam

We all go through rough patches every now and then. Glad to know that you are pulling through and doing great. Pam

Aww that’s a bummer. I sure hope that it will come back and it won’t get him down in the meantime. Just try to keep his spirits up as best as you can. Pam

Yes it takes time and it will come, just keep up the practice. We all need to remember that we’ve come a long way and the journey is not over so keep pressing on. Pam