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Stroke Caregiver - female
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About SandyCaregiver

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    Chief Mentor

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
  • Interests
    crochet, knittng, quilting, Latino Soaps. Dabbled in most crafts, but now have no time for them, hopefully some day.
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  1. Hi Kevin, I'm Sandy and caregiver to hubby since his massive stroke Feb 29, 2012. I'm so glad you were able to prevent injury from that nasty screw! I know this is all bewildering, but it really helps to be with us and know there are other people who have been thru the same, and still at it. If I'd not found this board, and thought this had happened to just us, while everyone sung in the sunshine, I would have went crazy. But knowing there was a whole world of people, all experiencing the same thing, somehow made me feel like I could do it too.
  2. Dear Nancy, I know you are devastated with all this, and have pretty much lived at 'devastated' during the entire time, because of Dan's attitude. I know you will cry and be miserable, but not for this, for the 'would have been life' that we all missed out on. That won't change, and Dan being here miserable and making everyone else feel like they are caught between misery and despair won't erase those feelings either. It is a bad situation, and it's going to get worse. But, cry all you need to, while taking care of Nancy, and one day you will laugh... and feel guilty.... but it is not ever going to be helping Dan for you to remain in misery. Maybe he will find peace, and maybe you can find some too. You've been a good wife, a good caregiver, and a good mother, don't doubt yourself, don't blame yourself, love yourself for giving it all you had. You will have no reason to reproach yourself (eventhough I know you will) and wonder if you could have made a difference, because you did everything, Nancy. There was nothing that you didn't try to give to make a difference! It's just that he was not looking for a difference, and you were stuck trying to give something to someone who didn't want it. I love your bravery and willingness to fight against the odds. You have been a great inspiration. My prayers are always with you. Love you, Sandy
  3. could you give a link to the site you bought it from?
  4. EDIT TO ADD THIS FIRST PARAGRAPH: First, let me say that when my husband stroked Feb 2012, all 'me' activities ended. I spent the next few years, looking for that elusive moment to wash my face, often not finding it. I took a 5 minute shower once a week, whether I needed it or not. Then in Dec 2015, I noticed something..... he was doing better... I don't mean his handicaps had gone away, just that we had our routine and he wasn't in so much need and I actually had time to consider doing something of the 'me' kinda thing. That month (Dec 2015, my crafting exploded with countless crocheted doilies, I was entralled with them, and felt like me again! I was never a person who was 'out there doing things'. I've been a home body all my life, taking joy and yes EXCITEMENT in hand crafts that make me think and solve the puzzle of how in the world can I get this stitch over there from here (referring to tatting here). Tatting is mostly what I do now, because it takes so much concentration to do it, and try to understand it, that I become totally submerged in it for the time I'm doing it, and everything else fades away. When I'm tatting (or whatever I find to play with) I'm in my own world of colors and design and ... well... I guess people who are used to going out everyday (before this happened to them) can not begin to imagine why I enjoy this so much. But I do... I can't wait till he's in bed and I have a couple of hours to work on it. My 'work your fingers to the bone' part is getting plenty of exercise, but with my crafts, my creative side that craves something pretty and something fun, gets its chance to come out and play. Here's a funny one, we had a baby hippo(Fiona) at our zoo that everyone fell in love with, so I made my own baby hippo! This is more what you'd expect to see in tatting, my project before Fiona: Maybe you like to do something crafty, but haven't done it for awhile? Crafts are therapy, it just needs to be something you enjoy, and don't make a job of (like you know, people start asking for you to make this and that, and before you know it, it's like work) I'm also considering that next year, I'm calling a yard company, I only have so much energy and Feb will be 6 years. I need to conserve energy because I'm getting older and stiffer too!
  5. Nancy, you have spent years being TOO EMPATHETIC with Dan, and I feel (just my own feelings, ok?) that it was only an enabler to him thinking he could get away with anything, because he was 'brain damaged'. Dan is not like Bob. Bob is thankful to still be here, and have a chance to enjoy the sun and the days of being alive. Dan is angry and belligerent, and wants to take everyone down to be as miserable as he is. And he's already achieved that goal with you, nearly destroying you, while you struggled to show compassion, he'd poop all over the bed, waiting till it was time for you to leave, or throw and hit you with a full jug of urine. You've earned your stripes, and your new job is taking care of NANCY! You did the right thing, and I'm proud of you for finally seeing that Nancy matters. Love ya!
  6. Here is another thing we did. These simple sentences are used repeatedly in interacting with others, and there are quite a few categories. My repeatedly reading them outloud, you can improve your response time. Of course, replace details like where you live with your own info - don't want to practice someone elses details. I think this is a good practice, because when I studied Spanish, I would always practice out loud. People don't realize that we are not used to speaking another language, and it's difficult to get your mouth in order to get out the foreign sounds. I have friends that only studied silently, that could not speak upon an opportunity, and messed their sounds/words terribly, because they had no practice at it. Where I could spit the words out quickly, from having lots of practice at saying sentences... that didn't help my bad grammar though, ha, ha!
  7. Are you saying the only speech difficulty you have is that you can't get the words out because of face muscles not co-operating? Look thru these links: https://www.google.com/search?q=stroke+face+exercises&oq=stroke+face+exercises&aqs=chrome..69i57.4056j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
  8. Let me butt in here, too. My hubby, had a massive amount of speech therapy out, and I did a lot with him on my own. He still has aphasia, but is so much better - his stroke was very bad, so he has lots of leftovers. The one thing to realize is that the stuck part of speech happens in the speaking of it. When you read, read out loud, so your brain has a chance to practice saying the words and getting them out. I listen to Bob when he reads, because he may not know he is making mistakes if I don't catch them. I don't know if you have the same kind of problem, but he had about 3 or 4 things that hindered his reading. One was that, his brain was anxious to finish the sentences and would put in any word that seemed a logical next word in the sentence and he's miss the real word/s coming up! But the out loud repetition is the most important part of any speech therapy, as the words have to have practice being actually said. As far as the kinds of things he did at speech therapy, there was a lot of trying to build areas of the brain that held similar information. because the brain strores things by category. This is really important, and gives your brain more power by being able to organize types of things in its storage of information. For instance, sometimes he would write out a list of every kind of dog he could think of, or every kind of car, or farm animals, then read this list out loud. Lists that are more detailed, like parts of a car, lists of grooming items, Keep the lists, and read them out loud often. Sometimes, don't look at the list and make it again and see if you remember all or maybe different ones.
  9. WOOT! You are finding Tracy, and she is a great gal!
  10. Wow, Tracy, I didn't know this was going on. I'm sorry you have had to go thru this. I am so glad to hear how you are coming back to life, and each day, living it YOUR way, taking a little more back. You have shown so much strength and bravery, in the face of all this, you will surely keep going and growing, more everyday. Prayers and virtual hugs, coming your way!
  11. Nancy, Dan has been spoilt into believing you will do anything to appease him, and look where it got YOU. It didn't help him any either. I don't know what his answer is, but I do know that the sooner he realizes he is not the king and everyone else the peons, that life will move more smoothly. I'm glad you sutck up for yourself, that means your head is in the right place, and no more mind control games on you! Good job!
  12. Hi Amelia! In most cases, they can't tell you why someone stroked. I mean, if someone had a extremely high blood sugar and high blood pressure, it would be an obvious. My husband was very athletic and we ate really healthy and I only thought that obese people, heavy smokers -you know what I mean, had strokes. After his stroke, I learned that strokes are like car wrecks. You will have a greater chance of having a car crash if you are rip roaring drunk, but you can still be in a wreck and even be killed in it, if you are stone sober. You can decrease your risk to have one, but there is still that percentage of people that you'd never have thought would have stroked. Children, unborn babies, the healthiest person you know, could be killed in a car wreck.. or hit with a stroke. I could not have been more surprised if someone had called me from the athletic center, and told me that while my husband was running on the INDOOR track, wild wolves had broken in and eaten him. I mean, never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think it could happen to people who actually take care of themselves and having no medical issues or accidents. When he first stroked, I was, like you, total shock, and how in the world do we go on from here. My husband had a massive stroke, which affected everything, everything you can imagine. I did find comfort here.... I mean, it felt so unfair, and if I had thought that it was fate just doing this to US, it would have been unbearable. But when I came here and saw others, in my same situation, I somehow felt like I was not alone, and if they were making it, I would learn how to make it also. Hugs to you, and many prayers - Sandy
  13. so sorry to hear of your friends passing. It is so painful, I'm glad you have so many wonderful memories of him.
  14. When my son went to college, it seemed like he was home a lot, because of the many breaks between semesters and holidays. When he graduated from college, and then moved to another state, it was surreal to know he wouldn't be coming home and sleeping in his room anymore. That part was over. I'm glad your daughter is still in the same area around you, you can still have quality time together - that's wonderful!
  15. I'm glad you are ok! I would like some of that Butternut Squash soup please! I always add a little cinnamon & pinch of cloves to mine, and maybe a dolip of Van Almond milk!