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Stroke Survivor - female
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About newlease

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  • Birthday 05/28/1947

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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  1. Yes, it is difficult getting out without reservation and desire to crawl back home. What I find is making myself set appointments and even pleasure outings to help forward movement. I love my work and if it were not for it, I would not leave the house without an emotional battle within. Those daily chores help that as well, even having to get food to cook meals gets me out of the house on non work days or a doctor's appointment. That last one does take huge reservation as I am getting more and more doctor phobic, especially since my doc of 30 years retired and I feel lost with this new facsimile. What I am reading, you have a group to go with and help with those challenges of being pushed off balance or whatever mishaps might occur. We do not have such a group and I am jealous you have this wonderful fellow humans who understand what you have been through. that is wonderful and hope you can continue to partake. Hopefully, you will begin to treasure these times for you joys in life. Like Deigh with his croonies. ( I hope they start pushing to the floor as that is not good. Perhaps you need to put on a sign saying, "no sudden movements." Getting too old for falls, don't you know!) BTW where is the spell check on this site as my spelling is getting worse and worse? I have more anxiety on computers lately.
  2. Wish I had an answer for you but was wondering if you have been wearing the brace for a long time and if they think that you are ready to speak to someone if you are ready to not use this brace. I honestly know nothing about it but know that sometimes the body starts to work correctly and then the body starts to fight the object that inhibits the movement. It seemed in your message that it worked for awhile and this is a new snafu causing trouble. My foot problems were due to rigidity, opposite your issue, but now I seem to drop the left side of the left foot and do not have a good gait I once had. when I walk fast I do fairly well but when I walk slow I get of balance and do not know where to put my foot. My stroke affected my motor planning center along with the rigid paralysis. My body cannot seem to relax when in short spaces. Will be anxious to hear what everyone has to respond to you. thanks for the question.
  3. Sorry, found it and will try to get it back and read there. Sorry everyone.
  4. Help, Heather, got an email regarding pronation when someone walks and I came to respond and see what everyone was saying and advice they had but could not find this person's message. It took me to a site where there were talks from Deigh regarding the forum and continuity. I do not think I am stupid but changes are really causing me to wonder if I had a stroke and just lost by ability to follow the forum. Nothing that was there a few months ago is there anymore. Any advice any of you. Feeling like I am going too far afiled regarding my own understanding of my own mind. I seem to only have control of what used to be.
  5. When you have a stroke it is an insult to the body. Puts us all in the realm of fight, flight or freeze state. Unfortunately, many people who have stroke are often already in this state of a compromised nervous system. Doctors do not tell us this, but it is so true and very upsetting that over the years no one took time to really promote the nervous system healing as the recent science explains that it often starts early in life. The stroke is not just a medical response but it is medical response to our compromised nervous system. When we have a stroke it gives us all a chance to take time to realize that the body responds violently in a stroke. Many of us had warning signs, often triggered by life experiences. Bessel van der Kolk wrote a great book on the Body Keeps Score. I know from my own life experiences lead to the stroke as early years as infancy and/ or early childhood. Best way to handle anxiety is to find out how to avoid toxic thoughts and people who can cause these toxic thoughts, unintentionally. Any fears need a window of tolerance to calm down before they escalate to more body responses. I have to remind myself everyday to not be anxious because it is keeping me fearful. But, it is important to put a reason for the feeling rather than avoid it and realize it probably is a ligitimate worry, but need not expand to fear and anxiety. When I realize I am safe and able to pace myself, I have much better days. If people do not like the avoidance of toxic situations or make judgments about things we want to do, I try to not react. Yesterday, I was walking on snow covered road getting the mail and my nosey neighbor, and I say this with love, but it is so true. It was dark and I was trying not to slip, as due to my stroke I have fallen six times and broke 8 bones, so I need to be cautious, but here is my neighbor driving his car beside me as I am trying to focus on being careful. It became obvious what was a worry, but to him he thought he needed to drive behind me, so now I am worried about falling and now being run over even though I was on the side of the road and he could have easily and slowly driven around me. It took me barely a few minutes to let the fear go, but just last year, I would have been fearful all the way home and resorted to anger. I am not proud, but it is time that people realize that scaring people is not a kind thing to do and if you just watch a person eyes, face and posture you can see their fears. Do not analyze your anxiety/fear, just orient to your surroundings and reevaluate and realize the extent of the danger. Usually you will see there was no real danger except for overreacting and letting either yourself or others to judge your reactions. You have had a stroke and it was terrifying. I can guarantee it was far worse that childhood abuse or war in many ways, because your body was the enemy. It was a compilation of allowing well meaning people, life and death experiences or any of the traumas we do not recover adequately to maintain our medical health. The body does respond. Allow for anxiety but do not let it control you. Rise above it and eventually it will lessen. I have people draw their anxiety and show it to others. In the sharing, healing grows stronger. There is a nerve that caused the FFF response but the other part of that same nerve loves to socialize. That nerve calms us down as it has a lot of myelin around it, well fortified when we socialize which is what you do on the forum. Face to face socializing with kind human or animals will help immensely, better than any medicine. Truly. Find a local stroke group if you can and build a connection with people who know the fear a stroke can cause.
  6. That is wonderful way to think of forgiveness. I ask clients lately to find a song for them that helps them with forgiveness as that seems to be the hardest feeling they face when it comes to injustices.
  7. My first reaction was anger and sadness for you, but quickly realized I pity them. People with no empathy are just not based in reality. She is grieving and really was only focused on her husband and her needs. Have you ever notices that people just do not seem to have joy in their heart and that is a sad place to live. Your MIL probably needed all of you and just was not focused on your needs. Sorry you could not have sent them on their way and waited at a nice place for you to be while they meandered down the path. You should have joy that you tried to attend to the best of your ability. In a way the MIL really did try to acommodate you when she was over focused on her loss, unless you know that is not true. As I do not know you MIL or FIL Remember she is only focused on her disability without her husband. Losing one's husband is like losing your right arm and overwhelming. Now maybe she will start to have empathy for you once she realizes what loss is. A stroke is a loss and involves grief, so you are really not far apart except you have grown in your understanding of loss.
  8. Not to minimize all those who were voted these awards but I know Steve Mallory's history of his stroke and his longterm perseverance getting this Stroke Forum up and running!!! Steve, you are Triple winner in my mind and I want to personally thank you for your years of putting this forum up for all the many people you have helped over these years. Without you, many of us would not come as far as we have. Hip, Hip, Hooray, for you and your wonderful skills putting this together. I know we all complained in many ways along the way but you are truly a hero to me and everyone else on the forum. THANK YOU!!!!!! So glad you posted this helpful awareness, Kelli. You are a hero as well. Hence the disguise, I can use the term instead of heroine. All of you are on this site, especially Anne Rogers who I know has come to my rescue often, as has Steve.
  9. I like Scott's response to others --There will always be those who don't get how life altering a brain injury is, but as I've told a few, they couldn't handle it, we didn't get a vote. Empathy for yourself is crucial. knowing you have come a long way and still can produce the wonderful words you enage in every day in your career. I would rather the words of someone who really does have tremendous understanding of the trials encountered than a naive human who has had no major crisis. This is your wisdom you impart to your readers. Inject time to your responses in your arguments, to allow the mind to catch up with what you probably know to be true of you would not have writeen it. I have worked with many authors and that is just part of the job, only now it seems your emotions might throw you off, but in that process you can only grow to be more affective if you take the time to explore answers. Might be fun for you to take a debate class. Granted I am not quite sure of the work you do , but Linnie is right, seeing a therapist might also help you deal with reducing you concern, fear responses and improve your coping skills.
  10. My stroke was quite a long time ago. As the brain shifts, new problems seem to arise, but what I find is to be kinder to myself, injecting time in my responses. They used to put age in these notes, so I have no understanding as to your age, but what I have found is keeping active. I enjoy continuing on my purpose in life, remaining productive and try to avoid regression which is largely by depression on occcassion. It is imperative to take time to relax. I learned in rehab years ago, that if you just sit or relax for a small amount of time, it seems to have huge rewards. If I had done more of that early on I might be walking better now. Meditation is really affective, if you have someone who can teach you TM, you might find this a valuable tool, better than mindfulness. Folks do not want to take time to really calm the brain down anymore, causing probably less recovery and more people having strokes. Give you brain time and enjoy what you do well, while adding new avenues as well.
  11. Agreed, I had to pay $1500 out of my pocket for stem cell replacement and my own doctors whould have been on board in the process. Now I am trying to ge another procedure in hopes I can walk semi normally again, but she brought up I could do the stem cell route again as it might not be FDA approved in this country. I feel everyone here knows I saw my doc today as I had four messages from stroke forum today when I returned home. So timely, but makes me so mouthy, or should I say fingering. Sorry I did not respond as I had not been notified that this site had more messages or I would have responded more to the healthcare controversy. It is good to discuss it as it impacts all of us no matter what country.
  12. Has anyone heard of Biophotonic light? Healing supposedly occurs in a NeuroKinetics treatment chamber.
  13. Janelle, Kids are very resilient and also self centered in many ways. It might be a fun activiy, if you can handle it, to pull out albums or phone pix nowadays and talk amongst yourself to remember the good ol' days. Nice time to bond and reassure they do remember. Also plant that seed in your brain that just maybe it will come back despite what docs tell you. My doctor today did not even want to hear about a new technique that might reconnect the nerves in the body. they just say if it has not returned by now, it wil not. I thought doctors knew about the new science that understand neuroplasticity. Whatever happened to doctors who loved to problem solve. Sorry, this came in probably at a bad time after my visit with my doctor. I so want a positive doctor who believes that things can reconnect. It is not right to have us give up hope. Miracles do happen and we were given a body that can repair. It is not our fault that the doctors are too busy to handle each case in a creative manner. I am so sorry for the negativity. I probably need to stop putting in my negative two cents. I feel that anyone under 40 sees anyone older as obsolete and if you are damaged no matter what the age, there is no longer a value in that person. I need to get on here more and read the cheerleaders. If we cannot do it for each other, then who can. You go girl and tap in your head and maybe the mind might solve the connection when you watch old dancing. Brain wash your mind to remember. Watch right before you go to sleep so your subconscious can work on when you sleep. That happened to me when I was paralyzed, my brain awoke in middle of nght and that paralyzed lege stretched all on its own. My subconscious did that. It was not long after that I could move. Doctors need to shut up and try new things to promote hope.I missed this guy!!
  14. So sorry you had to be exposed to this kind of bureacratic mess. It is hard enough to have a condition but to deal with these companies that are so large they cannot organize sufficiently to get what is necessary accomplished. On a positive note, I work with the military oftentimes and lately, after 20 plus years of inefficiency, they got two clients pushed through the system affectively with extensive assistance. It gave me hope that maybe these systems are finally scared enough to get thier act together. Went so smoothly. I worked because at the onset I answered the phone and dealt one to one with the referral source and united as a human to human instead of a gatekeeper who knows not how to get a task done easily and works with the rules instead of not reading between the lines of all that is written so no one can understand it easligy. Hope it gets you exactly what you are in need of. You deserve it.