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Stroke Survivor - female
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About newlease

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  • Birthday 05/28/1947

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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    Reading, work, movies, ocean, sight seeing, cooking, shopping, television
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  1. Perfect people are so boring and just not fun!
  2. Great insights, Lisa!! Love the dancer! You go, Girl!
  3. Heather, you stated in a response that you had been ill?  


    1. heathber


      Yep it started about 6 weeks ago now. I had a gall stone stuck in my bile duct. Thankfully no infection and ultra sound and MRI said it had passed so hospital sent me home.  But my liver was badly affected and did not recover even after the stone had passed.


      Then to add to the fun I had a major reaction to the bilirubin in my skin and came out in the worst case of hives I've ever had. Thankfully that only lasted about a week.


      Then I passed another stone and ended up back in hospital.  This time they took it a bit more seriously and I ended up having a huge string of tests with the conclusion of "we can tell you all the things that are NOT wrong with your liver"  but this time they did do the ERCP, cleaned out the bile duct and did a sphincterotomy so any further stones could be passed more easily.  After cleaning out the bile duct (even though the report says it was clear) my liver has started to function again Thank goodness!  Although it's not quite there yet and I have to go to the liver outpatient clinic after Easter.


      But then my blood pressure went through the floor and I went all fuzzy in the head and started fainting. Two MET calls later I passed a dead blood stool and they concluded the sphincterotomy had been bleeding. When your brain has to cope with having a main artery missing low red blood cell count has nasty effects. So as my haema counts had stopped falling and with normal diet (they had been fasting me a lot because of the tests) my bp was also recovered they decided I was better off at home. So I'm back home now working from home and being good so I can go to the holiday house for Easter with the family.


      So what I expected to be a 24-48 hour visit to hospital turned into a 10 day stint and scaring everyone.  And now I'm back to square one on the energy scale.  The worst part of having a sick liver is that I'm not allowed any strenuous exercise, so I've been out of running program and gym since this started and at this stage it'll be another couple of months before I'll get clearance to go back.  


      The liver needs to completely recover and then they'll probably remove my gall bladder and it'll be 4 - 6 weeks after the gall bladder removal that I'll get clearance to return to exercise.


      So that's the saga of the last 6 weeks - Sorry for rambling on but it's good to write it all down.

      I hope you have been doing better than me


    2. tmciriani


      Wow Heather I am so glad you are now home and on the recovery. I bet that was a big scare for everyone. I hope all goes well with your recovery and if you have the gall bladder removed. Keep us updated when you can.

    3. heathber


      Thanks Tracy. I'm doing well now other than needing way too many naps. I had my post hospital GP checkup this morning and fell asleep in the waiting room :)

  4. What is dry needling? what is dmso?
  5. Solar cells are ingenious. Then you could plug in your guitar and stroll around like a minstrel. But then you would need a wolfer and tweeter in the hat.
  6. All so true. I find I have to crash for three days after working three very long and exhausting days. But I love a long weekend as I never had that my whole career. Was jealous of those who had their weekends clear to do fun things. It was a habit, learned by that mother you were talking about. We got this work ethic from our parents mostly, but life can be more open to change. I find I love to do the things you mentioned on my long weekend and plan for the joy and. If tired, I just norb in front ot the television or computer or my favorite read. So wonderful as it was a luxury I never had until now, even after the stroke. I seriously miss skiing and biking, so I know how those great activites are no more. I resent it and my body for failing me. I love the last entry to "Dance in the Rain." We all seem to see grocery shopping as a pain and I have to agree, especially carring the groceries. I have a three story house. I get all my exercise lifting them up the first two flights and wonder as I go up what wil I do when I cannot do this anymore. Fortunately, I did learn that some groceries stores deliver and that was wondrous after I had hip sugery. Back in the day, I used to run an organization with volunterrs who would visit people in the home and they enjoyed playing games with the client or delivering meals on wheels. I hope that program is started again in some cities. Nice to have a friend visit on those long weekend days when you do not want to be alone. the increase in population has lowered some of those marvelous services we once had.
  7. If we all stayed unaware of what we can do, no one would be given permission to lead the purposeful life we are entitled to after years of all that knowledge and skill. the man who put this site together can speak for that. He was at the top of his game but never gave up despite the extent of his stroke so...please do what you can and do not let anyone tell you cannot benefit society with or without pay, if you choose to be a volunteer. If you love your work, then proceed with kindness to yourself. I hope everyone here felt a sense of purpose before their stroke and after. If you have poor balance does not mean your thinking brain is not working. If you have a speech problem, we have a computer or even our own hand that can speak for us. If you cannot use your hands there are voice driven computer... and so on. I want a team who says let us proceed with your limits and use your skills wisely, instead of money driving us out to pasture. Makes me sad. Now, if you are due and want retirement, then great, go for it and enjoy that instead. Life is too short which we all know all too well, more than the average person with not stroke under their belt and we know how to live well if that is what we choose and it sounds like you do, so keep up the choir directing. It is wonderful and I hope the music, alone, helps you heal. It does, you know!
  8. This hit home in many ways for me. Strokes that have a different symptoms can cause confusion and yet when you think about it, all strokes are different as the brain neurons are obviously different all the years before creating them. I still have hope I will improve and feel upset, at some hidden level, that the docs did not push for full recovery. All they seemed to care about was wanting me to walk again. I just wanted to get back to work and show it was not anything and I would be normal again. I still cannot run, ride a bike or play the piano and I have a MA as a piano pedagogue. My stroke was on the road to reconnect my motor planning skills after being paralyzed for four months after. I fell and broke the two leg bones on the same deficit side, never was the same again. Because I could not face the issues of recovery, I broke a lot more bones. This continued until now I can no longer face the truth. I still fight the posssibility I will never run again or ride a bike, but I still refuse to short myself. This roller coaster ride can be so worrisome but try to do it with humor and love of repairing those brain connections. I see it like a train track that is still being built and hope you find someone who believes in your desire to be whole again. If not, why not. After all we know the brain has so many remarkable abilities for repair. Giving up to allow a helper do a little more work, as you heal is best for you then allow it as you continue to mend instead of giving up. Rest and caution helps me move forward. It is getting better and better, but slowly which is maddening. My fighting it makes it worse, so go with the flow of what your body needs. I talk to mine, but find the main problem is I do not talk to it enough as I had spent a whole lifetime of ignoring what it told me. I so admire the gym folks nowadays who are focused so much on their body. I wonder how they so aware of it, when I had always been less and less aware of the body, as if my head/brain and body were two separate entities, which is what caused the stroke. As a youth my own family put me down from wanting to be active which I blame them for. Listening to your body needs can be a challenge in itself and feels selffish and foreign but necessary. No pain for me is leading to my death and I need to honor the pain but not push beyond endurance. Budget you time and treat you body like a friend. After all it is the closest friend we will ever have and I still ignor it often--such a bad habit. There is science now to explain our ignoring our brain and we need to heed and honor the body. So sorry I get so verbal but this hit home for me tonight. I wish ou well in whatever you need to do for you body, not just the mind but the body, too. Keep on healing and sorry you had to change your music endeavors. Maybe if you just focused on the music and let you helper do the rest might be more fun for you. I know how losing music feels. Lately I am using music to heal myself and other folks I still work with and it has made me so much happier, even though I might never be good at performing ever again. At least I can help others now lose their skills in their passion of life. I like optimists--makes me smile. Marcia
  9. How wonderful and synchronistic! What a joy for you both. This made my day to read. Thanks for sharing. You need to get together with Deigh regarding your guitar playing, if you have not already. Marcia
  10. Yes, it is difficult getting out without reservation and desire to crawl back home. What I find is making myself set appointments and even pleasure outings to help forward movement. I love my work and if it were not for it, I would not leave the house without an emotional battle within. Those daily chores help that as well, even having to get food to cook meals gets me out of the house on non work days or a doctor's appointment. That last one does take huge reservation as I am getting more and more doctor phobic, especially since my doc of 30 years retired and I feel lost with this new facsimile. What I am reading, you have a group to go with and help with those challenges of being pushed off balance or whatever mishaps might occur. We do not have such a group and I am jealous you have this wonderful fellow humans who understand what you have been through. that is wonderful and hope you can continue to partake. Hopefully, you will begin to treasure these times for you joys in life. Like Deigh with his croonies. ( I hope they start pushing to the floor as that is not good. Perhaps you need to put on a sign saying, "no sudden movements." Getting too old for falls, don't you know!) BTW where is the spell check on this site as my spelling is getting worse and worse? I have more anxiety on computers lately.
  11. Wish I had an answer for you but was wondering if you have been wearing the brace for a long time and if they think that you are ready to speak to someone if you are ready to not use this brace. I honestly know nothing about it but know that sometimes the body starts to work correctly and then the body starts to fight the object that inhibits the movement. It seemed in your message that it worked for awhile and this is a new snafu causing trouble. My foot problems were due to rigidity, opposite your issue, but now I seem to drop the left side of the left foot and do not have a good gait I once had. when I walk fast I do fairly well but when I walk slow I get of balance and do not know where to put my foot. My stroke affected my motor planning center along with the rigid paralysis. My body cannot seem to relax when in short spaces. Will be anxious to hear what everyone has to respond to you. thanks for the question.
  12. Sorry, found it and will try to get it back and read there. Sorry everyone.
  13. Help, Heather, got an email regarding pronation when someone walks and I came to respond and see what everyone was saying and advice they had but could not find this person's message. It took me to a site where there were talks from Deigh regarding the forum and continuity. I do not think I am stupid but changes are really causing me to wonder if I had a stroke and just lost by ability to follow the forum. Nothing that was there a few months ago is there anymore. Any advice any of you. Feeling like I am going too far afiled regarding my own understanding of my own mind. I seem to only have control of what used to be.
  14. When you have a stroke it is an insult to the body. Puts us all in the realm of fight, flight or freeze state. Unfortunately, many people who have stroke are often already in this state of a compromised nervous system. Doctors do not tell us this, but it is so true and very upsetting that over the years no one took time to really promote the nervous system healing as the recent science explains that it often starts early in life. The stroke is not just a medical response but it is medical response to our compromised nervous system. When we have a stroke it gives us all a chance to take time to realize that the body responds violently in a stroke. Many of us had warning signs, often triggered by life experiences. Bessel van der Kolk wrote a great book on the Body Keeps Score. I know from my own life experiences lead to the stroke as early years as infancy and/ or early childhood. Best way to handle anxiety is to find out how to avoid toxic thoughts and people who can cause these toxic thoughts, unintentionally. Any fears need a window of tolerance to calm down before they escalate to more body responses. I have to remind myself everyday to not be anxious because it is keeping me fearful. But, it is important to put a reason for the feeling rather than avoid it and realize it probably is a ligitimate worry, but need not expand to fear and anxiety. When I realize I am safe and able to pace myself, I have much better days. If people do not like the avoidance of toxic situations or make judgments about things we want to do, I try to not react. Yesterday, I was walking on snow covered road getting the mail and my nosey neighbor, and I say this with love, but it is so true. It was dark and I was trying not to slip, as due to my stroke I have fallen six times and broke 8 bones, so I need to be cautious, but here is my neighbor driving his car beside me as I am trying to focus on being careful. It became obvious what was a worry, but to him he thought he needed to drive behind me, so now I am worried about falling and now being run over even though I was on the side of the road and he could have easily and slowly driven around me. It took me barely a few minutes to let the fear go, but just last year, I would have been fearful all the way home and resorted to anger. I am not proud, but it is time that people realize that scaring people is not a kind thing to do and if you just watch a person eyes, face and posture you can see their fears. Do not analyze your anxiety/fear, just orient to your surroundings and reevaluate and realize the extent of the danger. Usually you will see there was no real danger except for overreacting and letting either yourself or others to judge your reactions. You have had a stroke and it was terrifying. I can guarantee it was far worse that childhood abuse or war in many ways, because your body was the enemy. It was a compilation of allowing well meaning people, life and death experiences or any of the traumas we do not recover adequately to maintain our medical health. The body does respond. Allow for anxiety but do not let it control you. Rise above it and eventually it will lessen. I have people draw their anxiety and show it to others. In the sharing, healing grows stronger. There is a nerve that caused the FFF response but the other part of that same nerve loves to socialize. That nerve calms us down as it has a lot of myelin around it, well fortified when we socialize which is what you do on the forum. Face to face socializing with kind human or animals will help immensely, better than any medicine. Truly. Find a local stroke group if you can and build a connection with people who know the fear a stroke can cause.