newlease

Yes it is getting totally out of control and the anger is exponentially increasing which does not help matters.  Never thought to see this country in such depression with a man who has not understanding of the chaos he has unleashed on this country and the world as well.  Fortunatlly your have smarter leaders.  We had reasonable ones but not ilike this person who cannot say one kind thing to anyone but himself day in and day out while people are dying around him.  How this happened is behind my comprehension except no one was aware of the extent of what a sociopath can do or how he thinks.   The psychiatrist wrote a book for the senate to warn them before he went on the podium but they did not listen.  Too large population of totally unaware citizens full of many outside influences to confuse the situation and he capitalized on the situation.   People think think this is not as bad as it seems, thanks to the president but I know different as it is obvious from the beginning when the country was finally informed.  I hope you can get to see your parents soon.  I know that just be so hard on you.  I am hoping I will get to see my family members again as ow they are quarantined in other states.  Take good care and I will send good energy to them opening up your ability to see your folks.

Janelle and Heather,  

It is upsetting as there is a deficit at the top for making sense to those who need guidance instead of attack motives, using the pandemic as a political weapon.  The governors, for the most part, are trying to keep us safe, especially in our state.     I suspect this recent infection was purposeful, which is extremely upsetting just like our major forest fires.  

We have a deficit at the top which makes me feel like we have an "unfit" doctor who forgot to get his education to operate a country.  Anyone who cannot understand is lacking in empathy or compassion for humanity and suffering a major mental deficit.    I agree with Heather, I feel the same way regarding the nasty people who promote deception and ignorance.  

Deductive reasoning is needed here and the hope that common sense is finally gaining for the health of this country and our standards.   Deductive reasoning is lacking here.   I try to lay low and make some avenues to help change where I can but is it hard to tolerate ideas lately.   I know most people are unaware of reality in this fear based country or just the opposite people who are so totally naive to reality  until they suffer a loss of a loved one. 

Hope you all stay safe and healthy.  You all deserve a quality of life and have worked hard to gain yours back.  Keep up your work on this forum as you are both helpful wonders to so many on this forum.  Take good care.  Share any great ideas of how I can be helpful both here and abroad. 

Heather,

So sad that the area has been increasing due to lack of following the need to stay safe and take requested precautions.  It happened today in the largest trauma hospital in the state and invected large wings of the hospital.  It is a large country truama center and so many are infected and they do not know how the units were contaminated.  

It is either carelessness but the dangerous groups have been causing a lot of havoc in our country.  This whole situation makes me feel, like I am sure many feel in my country and other stroke victims in other countries.  Stroke made me feel totally helpless as I am sure it did for many or us.   Some for months and some for years thereafter, but others for many years of little or sporadic recovery.

Think we all can empathize in some way how so many are feeling in the world.  Perhaps better than most  who work with trauma.  Hope you and everyone on here are fairing well.  

So sorry, still not sure how to maneuver the blogs or even a new post as perhaps that would have been better.  Honestly, I do not feel safe in my own country due to other things than the virus, for the first time time in my life, which makes life a lot harder.  I also felt unsteady on a forum when I know very few folks.   Fortunately you kind folks who have known me and those who did not responded and that gave me courage.  Thanks one and all.

🥰

Thanks, Willis.  I missed your😃 message.

Perhaps a full spectrum bulb or a SAD light when you are reading for a half hour or so..  I have one in the office that was super cheap and has an ionizer connected to it.   I daily just use the ionizer but the right is there when I feel light starved.  My cats always knew where the full spectrum bulbs were and fought to sleep under that light when there were others in more comfy places.  It was uncanny.  Also we had a psychiatrist using offices when were were in staff meeting and he would always pick my office when he had used other offices, but then I had them put in my ceiling lights, he would go in my office.  I never told him why, It was just fun to know the results.  I cannot remember if I ever did tell him.  haha. I also take Phosphate Serine when it gets too gloomy,  It is used for Seasonal Affective Disorder as I live in a rainy area and SAD is common here.   Also take D K, and zinc to help with low sunlight.  Hung up on Lipids for the virus as that was recommended to me from a friend in the UK.  I rarely recommend oral anything except for the sun and cirus concerns  but only when approved by the docs as many of mine have recommended all I mentioned her, including the light.

Sorry, it I is like a woman on speed, this writing obsession.  Probably being alone too much makes it worse.  I get so lonely when I am home.

Oh, sorry for your quarantine from you Mum!  It must be hard on both of you.  It is bad sign for our times but locking into your past joys with each other might help get you through the. hard times.  Know what you feel, being cooped up.

Never liked to sleep much and fight it as a need so as not miss anything.  Notice now I just love wallowing in bed to stretch and cozy up to the linens for soothing self, as if I am almost regressing into a need to be nurtured, if only from the linen.

Notice if I do not have a purpose, I get worse, no matter what the season.  I dread our winter.  The forest fires made the last signs of Summer awful in an area that is known for fresh air. and beauty.  Last month that was sabotaged here.  The ocean air brought the smoke back onto the continent for the first time since I lived here. Last year we had some from Canada but this was from the US coastal forest fires.  All this beauty ruined throughout the entire coast.  Ancient trees ruined.  Makes one pause but the mountains are still glorious.  Hope Springs eternal and you enjoy yours soon.

Thanks.  Missed the folks on here, too.  Wish I could not take my self so seriously but will work on it.  I do know that so many people are just beginning to think like a survivor and stroke victims have a stronger understanding than so many.  Was doing a grief group with my dean of the school I was finishing who kindly  agreed to do a lecture to the seniors at the center.  She started out by saying she could see it in the faces of those in the audience who had experienced loss as she looked around the room.  So it does not matter since the disguise merely protects me when I need it to but otherwise those who are victims of trauma will perceive a connection.   In past few years in my work I have realized this is called neuroception and almost all stroke victims have this skill.  Perhaps this forum keeps us, in some way, as. a reminder we are not alone in this newly quarantined world.  Take good care and so glad to be back and hear how well you are coping.  It give me hope when mine waxes and wanes.

Becky,

That was so kind.

Will keep you in mind when my fingers are racing and the mind spins out.  It is like music.  Played a piano since I was four years old, got a masters couseling and also in piano and music therapy.  Used both endeavors for 28 years to help people.  When I had the stroke I was not able to play well, as readily.   The counseling was not gone but the music was.

My recent speed made me decide to try again to try to play all the music that sits on my piano reminding me of the loss.  I think it is interesting how life is always evolving.  Thanks for you message.  I will hold fast to my dreams.  

Hope you eyesight improves.  Enlarging my screen helps me when it gets hard to read so I do not lose my place.

I missed this forum as people on here always help inspire me.  Was  losing inspiration until a friend on here reminded me that I needed to get back on line. 

Deigh,  BTW, love the pix.  You look like a real musician!!  Need to play the part in your performances.

I miss being a senior member as I once was.  Feel demoted but then it is only fair due to my inability to do the new technology..  haha

Will, I liked your posts and learned a lot about you and that is why I could tell you about the gal in Florida.  I get a lot of everyones posts especially when my eyes are not tired.

Heather,  I will look into the blogging.  Have to get on with my taxes which push me into yet another stroke.  Life in American is like having a stroke all over again. This is probably why I need to avoid all forums as my mouth is not silent with truths as I sincerely think this is what adds to repression that cause the lurching into the nervous system overtired thus causing the fear to jeopardize the brain transmitters. My eyes when I read what I write wear me out and this is bad for a forum unless I can get to slow down my pacing.  Miss all of you most profusely.  Lookin forward to hear what new exercises you have done as your PT are so good.  I finally found one that knows her stuff and then the virus shut us down somewhat.  I look forward to going back to do some cranial sacral work soon.  

Deigh,  I do the same thing but seem to forget it when I am writing.  That is why my own entries bore me to death.  I edit them but that takes even longer.  I do think this has a lot to do with the stroke of long ago as I actually feel spastic when I try to slow down.  It was actually what they told me when the paralysis was waking up that the faster I walked would be a problem in recovery.  Even though that made sense it seemed to make it more difficult to walk, so I know the motor neurons were really confused in the repair work they were being forced to do with my speed and also not secure as time showed.  I do it I my writing and that is really due to the music piano playing.  I do not now how to slow down the fingers.  It would be great if you had my finger speed and I had you reserved gait perhaps when I walk.  Kind of like rubbing the tummy and tapping the head. My body an do that but the walking and typing have their own rhythm and then I fall or fail.  Timing, like in music.  Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn needs to play in my head when I am typing or walking.

Did it again.

Guess I was right about long posts as Will explained as well.   Hope all goes well for you and all on here.  Take good care as I shall spare you all as well.  Have to empty the brain in other ways to clear way for healing this overwhelmed neurological system anyway.

What is "going dark" mean? You mean not going on line or turning off the lights?  Ha.  I find I need to click my fingers to slow down and sing sometimes when I need to pace myself slower so I do not fall.  The slightest rock out of place can throw me off and install a fear based response.  This was mainly because after the first four months, If I did not say this initially, I was not longer paralyzed and ran down the stairs and the foot hit the step wrong and literally faced backward breaking the tibia and fibula needing surgery.  I then had to learn to now walk with crutches for a few weeks until I could put weight on the leg.  This lost all the relearning and reconnections in the brain that take a year per the kind of stroke I had.  the fall was never worked through and that is the problems. I really need a somatic experiencing coach to help me work trough the fear since I broke so many other bones in falls, so I know how upsetting those falls were for you.   I wish I had really worked through each fall instead of pretending I was dynamo.   I would be a lot better off now if I had had someone to help the fall recoveries when they occurred.  I even was hospitalizing a woman when I broke my radius and ulna and still dealt with the patient and the police who brought her into the hospital and kept doing paperwork on a broken arm for the police and courts.  this is not the way to deal with breaks.  It needs tender loving care for those falls and slowly reacclimatize, not jump back into the game without thought.  I learned the hard way now all those falls are still stuck in my body.  BTW if you are from Florida there. a great doctor of PT who is on line for stroke victims for free.  Her name it Tara Tobias and she really helps with just how to walk and stand so one does not fall.  thanks for sharing you lengthy dialogue.

Had my stroke 2002 and was paralyzed for months but finally was able to get out of rehab but was told I would need the full year to regain full use.  Got cocky as was back at work and bounced down a stair case and really damaged  the same left side affected and had to have surgery to put the major left leg bones back together as the foot was literally facing backwards.  Once I was off crutches for the next two months, this was all the PT could work with but even though the leg got strong again, the stroke was in the motor planning center which left a huge deficit in my planing for movements indefinitely.  

Fell during that last year six times and broke 8 bones total, so I am full of metal and screws and titanium hip.  The last screw was after I was off this forum.  Now when I encounter any rough terrain, stairs gravel or rocksI am unstable and fear takes over.   Still cannot get down steps without help.  Never was able to stabilize this motor planing efficiently no matter how hard I have tried in years of PT.  Every time I hit gravel or stair the fear resurfaces and feeling of spasticity.  The left sided neglect was somewhat affected but that went away yet notice it is starting to resurface again.  

I get by and really hope some day to be able to run again or ride a bike to just walk on a beach, yet this has never happened since the stroke and I so miss a bath,   Could get down, but absolutely cannot get up, no matter what. so no baths since 2002.  You get used to it but lately I miss so much  wonderful things I had decided I would never have again.  Now I am getting angry that I lost those wonders. Guess it is now because we all have lost so much lately.  Brings back what has been missed only now there is so much more.

Missed all the wonderful folks on the forum but have been working ever since the stroke which is probably why I did not improve as much as I should have.  The groups we had in the area only lasted a few weeks and then the moderator decided it was too hard for her.  We never had it again. Now with the virus it is even less likely.  The senior centers are not very This  state will improve as they were in Illinois which is where I originated.  Worked in senior centers for many years way before  my stroke.  The centers in Illinois were wonderful they can be but in this state I tried to help expand it but they were just unaware of the help that can be generated.  Now I am too busy working with trauma victims to start a new endeavor but would love to join a group if one was started in this state.  

Needless to say--My biggest problems with forums, I am just too wordy but promised to practice to get less verbose.  Cannot promise it especially since I spend a lot of time alone and the words just erupt in me and blurts out text, totally boring folks with my endless truth spewing.

Welcome, Rick.  I hope you have steady healing as you get on with life.  Good to have you reach out to others who can help whenever you need it.  Marcia

We all love a good mystery, especially the healing kind, so keep us on the same page.  Pun intended.   **hi**

This forum constantly amazes me.  These entries have been so inspiring.  Tracy, so glad you came reached out to these experts who understand what you are going through.  I would imagine just how fearful it must be trying to hope science with catch up with your symptoms.  I wish you well, especially with the support of the forum folks who know about this type of stroke and also that daughter who seems to be a Godsend for you.

After my stroke it was my children who helped me laugh through the ordeal or I probably would not be here today.  

Big welcome.  Please let us know your progress with wish for steady progress to help with this type of stroke.    All strokes are so unique but this ones seems to be  a mystery for all of you have been exposed to the condition.

I see you and Smitty as moving science ahead for the future cerebellum stroke victims.  From those avenues other information regarding eyesight and hearing is also expanding.  Thanks for your courage and knowing you are furthering the answers for other victims.  

Wishes for your continuing healing!!  You were speaking of laughter.    These little guys help give a picture of how I feel inside at times.  Especially since they sent you home without accurate diagnosis.  I use this critter probably at least once a day in my mind battling an obstacle course.  :Tantrum: And when I am calm or need support this guy comes to mind.   **hi**

Mine is getting gradually out of tune and I wish I could tune it myself as it is so costly to hire a professional.  It really is worrisome as they age and to keep it in working order.

Heather, I had no idea you had so much hand issues.  You had not mentioned it before that I had read.  I thought it was mainly you foot and legs.   No wonder you wish to get into the kitchen again and not yet able.    All of you put life in true perspective and are so appreciated. 

BTW, thanks Smitty for the compliment.  I know I get technical and do not want to bore folks but I get wordy late at night and get my best ideas.  Turning off my brain, because someone said sleep is really good for you, so off I go.  Pleasant dreams to all your wonderful brains.  The best brains n the world and don't any of you forget it!   :Tantrum:

Wow, I have been eavesdropping on your conversation, Heather and Deigh.  Wondering, Deigh, if playing the piano makes it easier for you.  You made mention that you are doing better playing the piano where the guitar is different muscles.  Do you think Heather could benefit from playing the piano, if that might be possible.  That is, of course, if you would be willing to ask for someone to help you with the keyboard, Heather.  Sorry for butting in but you know when one is up at the wee small hours of the morning, many ideas come in to my brain.

Heather,  I had PT do the same thing when trying to learn after paralysis.  Even the neurologist does this tapping at times to see what might work depending on a shift.  You are all so interesting for my day.

Deigh, reading the chapters on music.  Looking forward to overtones.

I think you two should write a book together.  What fun and I can put in my two cents when needed, as if you would need it.  HAHA   :Tantrum:

In fact what fun would it be to do to do a book from folks on this forum for those who would like to participate.  I bet it might sell millions.   I get 20% just for the idea.  Haha again!!  Need to get to bed before I get thrown off the forum for getting off topic.  A certain politician is giving me delusions of grandeur.   Sorry again, I really need to stop.    **hi**

Not sure how I missed this forum but it is full of great ideas!  I was overwhelmed by Fred who I know works hard each day.   It helped me just to read all the entries.  So just reading the entries can help a person rejuvenate.  I got ashamed as on another forum I used humor but then I realized, no, this is actually how I recovered, That is hard when you are paralyzed or not improving.   Our brains need to reroute the pathways and the happy ones help with the healing process.  Being around positive people and there are so many on this network.  It helps to help others as well and find folks who think positive.  Believe me there are so many people who do not understand and are not positive.   The people on this network have troubles and regress at times, my self included, but they help me not regress further, while I only feel patronized by non stroke folks. even with the OT and PT.

Neuroplasticity does exist so all the rules are changing regarding the healing process.  Talking to a good mental health counselor who specializing in neuroscience, if you could find one might be helpful.  Feldenkrais instruction helps with the stroke as well if you can find an instructor in your area.

I have been studying the polyvagal nerve.  It has two branches.  One branch is the oldest in our ancestors body physiology.  It is the fight, flight and freeze nerve, but it is the other side of the nerve that is the social nerve.  Oddly they have found the former has no myeline sheathing so it is raw and that way for a purpose to protect us, put us on guard.  When we socialize, the other nerve that is well protected by myeline helps with healing.  

I know when I had a stroke my raw nerve was on hyper alert for a long time and  actually never faded much when I would fall.  It is the other side that helped me stay grounded, my humor and other's humor around me helped me start to heal coupled with a lot of educating regarding my specific stroke.  This forum helps with both of those needs, coupled with people who really do have understanding and serious empathy.  What more could you ask for. When I write this I realize it is the empathy that was what I needed once I lost those empathetic folks in my life.  Hope you find connections to help you heal.  It is so necessary.    I found them here once those empathetic folks in my life passed away.   :Tantrum:

Stroke groups are helpful but I cannot find one in my area and then you have to get there.   :chat:  This is the best other option for me. 

Loved this topic and thank you for it.  Marcia  **hi** I joke because these little guys really help.  Helps me connect with my youthful side, which I miss after the stroke.