SassyBetsy

Stroke Survivor - female
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Everything posted by SassyBetsy

  1. You are so right!!!! I needed that pep talk to remember that thinking is ok.accept all of me. It was not my stuff I picked. I accepted it with gratitude and graciousness. I assured her that giving us residents supplies of our own is life changing. We have an activity now.independent but yet we share looking at eachothers work or sitting together coloring. this is adult art. I color someone elses drawing....like an illustrator team thing lol. I am a color specialist lol. yes my hobby is all i can do to be productive. maybe their budget does not allow for what she said picknit out......I saw she genuinely wants me happy. I azsured her she brings good to us. she does make a difference. In fact she has not told us to share and in fact gave me another set. and more books. it is amazing we got all this .That I received some. I suppose the child in me is selfish stubborn. Anyway I get something so I am blessed.
  2. we sure do!!! Before stroke I was right side up in this bottle. But now it has breen tossed into the sea. The social worker here has a standard reply .....sorry that is NOT in my department. THEN she comes in quarterly to ask how are things going...... suddenly i tell her something.... and yes she spits out the reply. oh and activity woman was there....said books came in.... hooray...but will it be the one i requested or another one? am i rude for resenting the gift?I am disappointed in false promises.
  3. oh when I ask for help they say,oh you make your appts so you handle it. it is exhausting. 😅
  4. I used to speak in public, sometimes not easy, sometimes very easy. Now I do not talk fine,I am slow on my feet. I lost my train of thought mid sentence,or I retell a story in 5 minutes. I hate it when people try and rush me by guessing what I might be saying. I have said Do you want to try and guess again? or I have honestly been so distracted that I said oh boy, now that confused me so I need to start over. It annoys me that they do not listen properly. I get shy to speak in group now,afraid I cannot say what i mean. for the doc, o make a list of things. I interupt people.. I try wait,then jump in ,it cut someone off. oh well I jumpeç. better this way. But I find it challenging to not stand up for myself and often I am insistent? Do I sound rude ??? I need to tell them. End of story. How else can I be in real world.
  5. SassyBetsy

    Manic Monday

    I envy you. You will be back in the living world. Get all those ADA things to make your life better. It will be a challenge but this your second chance. I hope you like what you will do and you make new buds, wear great clothes, have fun with it. Vestibular challenges are daily fun house events, just walking down the hall. You are strong and able to do everything tossed your way. And when it overwhelms, make them understand. 💅
  6. oh tracy and when i cannot sleep i put on peter helland music and i lie down with my arms over my head like i am floating on water something relaxing about the arms that way.
  7. SassyBetsy

    fast no more

    Lol all of my posts are me on drugs now, at first it scared people.....what is so funny is that we think we are normal on the drugs lol who knows! Glad your adventure went well. you were so brave. I hope you feel better soon and go swimming again.
  8. Tracy, sleep is a mischievous monkey in a nightcap. When I do not want him around he appears and chases me down, but when I want him,I run run run after him until properly exhausted but the more I run, the more anxious I feel. noise irritates me. I find using earphones plugged into my phone and watching a movie silences my own thoughts and gives me a focus,a distraction. I suffer from nightmares. side effect from all the cocktails of drugs. vivid real like. painful content personal. I wake sobbing,missing people,feeling horribly anxious. But anxiety is a signal only. that is all. triggers signals and conclusions. for me I must engage my mind fully to block out the noisy chatter in my head. If I fall asleep then good. If not, then I know I will nap later. Stress can backfire and make me sleepy later and perhaps I only slept too much earlier. BTW I am going to sleep study as soon as they schedule. I understand insomnia and anxiety well. They are Pain's cousins. Tracy I try and read your posts always, they are never boring.just the opposite. you are honest and insightful. I usually relate. Thank you for blogging.
  9. Ruth, yes William feels loved and safe with you, not just caretaker, but you are his wife,his life long partner,his love. And you have shown him your love for him, through it all, your love shows. William knows. He may wait for you or he may be sneaky and go, but William is peaceful. I hope you are proud of the years you were caretaker. I hope this process will be a memory that you will find meaning in. A death watch is an experience we fail to discuss. You are brave to do this at home,another blessing for Will to be at home. I hope you will feel joy to be alive and not grief but celebration of your life and great love William.
  10. Sue, Although I have never met you in person, I feel you have listened and know my secrets,and shared your life in a transparent and inspirational way,and with so much love and wisdom in your blogs. The greatest gift to us bloggers has been that you give the gift of your time to read our lives and even summarize so each of us cpuld learn about each other. Living on angel time is a quotable classic Sue. I will quote you often. One friend told me as I grappled with my unfinished goals in life...we are not guaranteed life. I heard this with shock, because I expected to live. I failed to accept that my life,each moment is a gift, and not on my time at all. I stammered but I need to finish this or that.I planned plotted schemed ...ah the plans of mice and men. But we are promised peace,and we are promised that we are never alone,we have been wrapped in God's loving arms. Thank you Sue for showing me how to graciously accept the difficult, the unknown You are brave and strong. But when you search for those attributes, yes you have an angel. When I had a stroke, I was so calm, I did feel angels around me. We are never alone. And you have Ray waiting for you Sue. You are so lucky to be a loved beautiful person. Be fearless. Be free. I pray you will always be comfortable,and that your angel will keep a tight hold because we need you, I need you.
  11. ayes Traci you and I are friends. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and share yours. I tried to live at home for 1 year when daughter helped me, son helped too,and I had outside help but my children had to go live their lives. But I could not handle shame I felt that I was not myself,and other people moved on in life. I have one friend from childhood who sends me a care box monthly. We are as sisters talking on phone. It saves me. I do not always find it always easy because she is part of real life. I think you are a good person I would enjoy spending pj parties with I have difficulty with these new people living here. And some staff have been horrible too. I used to have fun with 2 ladies who colored and played bingo. One nice staff cna asked me if I liked that pizza guy and those other women. They see me talking to one woman. I seem stand offish or- not happy. I just dislike their cruelty to one another. It is not as it seems. He is not a nice man despite buying food for the staff or residents. He is two faced. I never was fooled. I will go play cards double solitaire with my friend if I want. But I stayed alone this weekend. but called friend on Sat. nite. i put her on speaker. colored. had fun. i feel free. i do not drive so i do not go out places. This is not living. but my friend encourages me to work hard to recover so she and I can perhaps live together, travel, and if pain gets controlled. Thanks for being my on line friend. I enjoy your posts too and comments. Just do what you want to now. You have privacy in your room with parents, so enjoy that. Life may not be what you wanted, but enjoy good health being aliive painfree and seek good companionsship. we have this place to help each other wherever you go,you make a difference with being you,your integrity. your wit,humor,sunshine,wisdom,colors. my friend said not to let others bring me down.
  12. So I want to make friends here again. I find people to play cards with to there are many personalities, many stages of dementia, mental illness. On the day a psychologist arrives, they wheel them in. I think to myself, this puts all ill folks together but a cna told me that different areas get the crazy ones because it would be too hard to care for 12 of them,so they spread it out. ok so that is why. But I went out of my room, shared my coloring stuff, cards,chinese food.And these folks were a toxic trio times three. One man buys pizzas for staff and select friends. pizza left me with upset stomach watching them argue, fuss, and leave one man out, whom I befriended...immediately that left me out. I am glad I showed her kindness. I tried to be nice to all. Watching this man stir the pot left me ill. Then the women.....pitting one against the other,jealousies, petty stuff. Like high school. childishness. Are we not adults with a shared painful history. I said I would go out and try again. After another day in common room under florescent lights,loud big screen, and over the top drama....woman in tears over some argument......left... ....more drama.... I am back in my room. happy to be alone. I went out there but I found it exhausting rather than the fun days I played bingo and enjoyed it. Now I got drawn in. hurt. yet detached enough to walk away knowing that these are not people I will continue to visit or go out in common room. I would rather color or watch movies. I told one lady, I do not even know the other lady so her snippy stuff is before I got here. The lady said does not matter,she is that way to all. I said of course. And I asked why she continued to hang out with people who frankly act like they hate her....she answered she was stilloo an inherent right. What kind of chaotic circle of hell was I visiting?? I took my toys and went home. After asking her if she needed any of the colored pencils she was borrowing. She said she had finished. We went our separate ways to bed. Later that night I was asleep in the bathroom.....no one checked on me. So the night shift cna was a girl who has taken care of me before. She took good care of me and told me gossip that these new staff had not kept the patients cleaned up. I said well this man bought pizza for them and his select crowd. she said they failed to change patients so next shift worked harder. My deal is I fall asleep in the chair. I not ready to sleep at midnight. And no staff looks for me for pain meds...just for glucose chek@
  13. that was my 2 cents since I was asked.
  14. So nice when someone knows what a snf is like. If you can do this for your Dan it will be a Godsend for him but a big commitment for you. Perhaps respite care can help you for free to get breaks. It may not be feasible so talk to staff to find out his needs. It could be a wonderful time for you both to reconnect. However it takes a village,get villagers around and be prepared so resentments never creep in to erode your relationship. a snf can be the best care. ok they need supervision. But if he needs so much it could be unrealistic for one to do it then you are indeed providing him a safe,clean, accessible place. Perhaps reorganizing is just what you need. No guilt that your loved one is in a snf. many are. you must do what is in the best interest for the long term care. Things are not going to improve drastically for him as far as recovery, it is slow after a point so make a wise forever home decision. What about lifting, bathing,can someone come in. Hospice???So many options. But yet limited. Choose wisely.
  15. I love your daily routine. I pray that you can have special time with William and good for you for allowing him to do things on his terms his way. Glad to hear from you Debbie. I keep you in my prayers.
  16. Ruth This was a journey to get to this decision and seems like only loss ahead but now is time for memory making. He will be in the living room right close to life going on. I hope you can share many meaningful moments together big and small. I pray you will have strength and faith in your future together in this journey. Bless you for being his Queen.
  17. They say the worked in x field for x years......and that makes them good...or just x years of bad treatment. The inservice training lacks..... They work for years with stroke survivors but are clueless about nearly everthing. You cannot teach compassion. Providers are hard to find so easy to keep caregivers willing to show up for work. That is why I praise the helpful loving ones. ok schedulers and receptionists......what is that deal???? I swear they get more sarcastic and rude by the mile. I try and smile while I talk so they not hear my distress but it not matter. Face it everyone is on facebook...or wishing they were...all they do is get on cell phones.....ugh. So I color while making appts, i never answer..let it go to voicemail so I listen slowly not caught off guard.
  18. I spent 5 days in hospital for cellulitis in my good left leg brought on by lymphedema and other swelling stuff. They do not have oxymorphone in hospital so I took oxycontin. It did not work as well plus they did not wake me up around the clock for my meds even though the doc told the nurses. I suffered. But I got treatment. Then released to thehome. Only to find they discontinued all meds after 3 day absence. So think this would be easy to get its all back again? They did not order my meds and they ran out. And no one could fix the code the pharmacy needed except my doctor that was MIA. Then all fixed by a traveling nurse who took charge. So I have to heal. I hurt. I have fluid now congestive heart failure. I got through it. Healing Pain management clinic is only for clinic time now.wow. Last time the fellows were so nice but hey things change. I just ask for help. Sheesh Always CPS. and I try to get rest. I felt alone but then son is busy and ill. I was just me. I feel ill still but I enjoy painfree times. coloring.
  19. 8Tracy I hear you and see your pain. I agree you are treated horribly by those you have loved but you have the other strong women in your family like mom and daughter. And you have you. Do not forget that. You are never alone in this universe. There are good good people who reach out to you with love. Not pity. This world can toss us around. Mark my words we all get a turn. Your dad has lashed out and good for you for speaking up. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Stroke is not a stigma. Good for you for knowing better and seeking support. Peaceful days are coming your way. Thank heavens you ignore that phone call from that x and know you are worth thousands of times more than that prize!! Remember you have you. And always forever you have me and us collective family on here. Rest in peace knowing you survived for more than this pain.
  20. yummy pink salt???? yummy and pretty!!!
  21. There are some new drugs for cancer and treatments for nausea. Hoping that he can benefit. I pray you can spend time together and make memories. Focus on togetherness and just live. It is so hard to watch your parent like that. impossible to imagine they are not always around.