SassyBetsy

I close my eyes to and see you Asha as the Princess on the camel of white sands desert. It sounds like you love this new home especially being around family again. Glad you are safe well and happy.

You are stronger than you credit yourself. The bravest and wisest woman I know with compassion that is natural as breathing.

I am peaceful reading this like a romantic tale I love on Netfix. I watch the folktales with subtitles. The language is poetry music in my ears.

I can see you as the real life heroine. You will bring so much to the village for young women there.

I hope you have fun decorating too !! 

Dearest Sue, I think of you  Daily as I put on the lymphedema pumps and the compression garment I use a  circaid juxtalite..... It's just a wrap-around with Velcro and it puts pressure And the nurse has to apply it because it has markings where Things should be lined up to put the right amount of pressure. So I remember you talking about your lymphedema things and I'm walking right along with you. In fact my cardiologist went inside and looked at the veins.He is going to put a stint in one of the main arteries they suspect that's why I keep getting in ulcer in the same spot of my heel.

I miss chat. I am not able to get my phone connected up.  I will try again.

Thank you Asha & NO I WAS NEVER UPSET about anything or anyone. 

I just have so much going on. I became selfish and busy with hobbies. I watch lots of movies And I color!!! My son got me a great set for my birthday that has 160 pencils!!! I fill books of fairys. My new book is Ocean. I Cannot wait.

I miss you guys, even tho I have been in my bubble.

O just wanted to say that there is my picture that I made my gigantic Collage it's actually 1 of 4 collages that I made with my other roommate friends around I don't do them anymore I've run out of Room. Anyway It brings back some happy memories and it also makes me happy to look out what I chose. And it makes a lot of sense in this pandemic. We must take care of each other.

Dearest Sue you truly are an angel on Earth you are making such a difference with everything you are doing and your attitude as usual is one of introspection and high standards of morality and ethics. God bless your son for realizing that flowers are Not Just Flowers on Mother's Day they are attributes they are a thank you they are all the emotions and words that a son holds in his heart and wants to express and so he had more than the right to be indignant that they couldn't get them there on time. Things are not so out of our control after all he negotiated and got them for free for their complete blunder. Anyway I hope you are enjoying their beauty and scent. very lovely.

I laughed when you said your answer is that you had lunch because you have lunch every day. You are a strong Trooper Sue and I know that you two will negotiate and maneuver and that you will find the road ahead in fact I predict that you will find many roads ahead and then you will be conflicted about which one to take but I hope that as usual with the clear sense of common sense that the rest of the world lacks I'm sure that you will look andesite quickly because I've never known you to be indecisive for long

You bring up a very good point Sue and I think that we've all had our fill of video chat video zig zag Zoom it's just not the same as seeing a person's eyes when you tell the news or just the warmth and energy that comes off of physical body that I never seem to have paid attention to be bored and I think that communication requires not being distant he requires eye contact body language and just the sense of belonging to that person at that time for however what the relationship is and family member means you are fully accepted unconditionally and so we want someone who has that connection when there's a crisis because it's a comfort it's a safe Zone to be in and it's nice when you don't have to have a mask and you can be yourself the all the things that they've ever said about how over the Internet it's Anonymous which makes people free and I know that it helps but it also helps to have someone we love close by which reminds me of the years I spent being a homemaker mother and there were days that I wanted to fling the windows open and yell will someone an adult person please just talk to me because I was of course it's surrounded with young ones and singing silly song and comforting down would get to be a chore and I wanted an adult conversation and I wanted to talk about me so I can appreciate that the internet has given me this tool and I love those things about it but there are times when you want someone in the room and you want to have that tea party that's what I call it my tea parties where now I guess it's our coffee our coffee time whatever but when my son comes to see me I want to go out for dessert time. So anyway hang in there Sue you have been such a light for so many people online and stove any people have been blessed Because of You So when you say that you're shy I'm still surprised because I can't imagine you as a soft shy person I always imagined you is like a Molly Brown and so it's refreshing go because I can see in your sock sweetness that love Is Just coming out of every pore and so that's why you're such a light on this site here and you're so valuable here please please sit out in on the veranda and think of us and how much you do for us because you read our blogs. You have consistently read my blog and I thank you and I read your news postings about what everybody blogged so I can sort of keep up which I never can do but sue you do. So if I could make you a better I would put the World War II we can do it woman picture there with you photoshopped. Because you you do so much and I just don't want you to ever feel alone or that you're going through any of this alone. I'm going through similar things having lymphedema so I totally understand how it's tiring and you have to do things like sit down and put your feet up and that in itself is an isolating position. So I'm glad that you have folks that can come and stop by and see you impress that your daughter-in-law Feels So Close to You and honors you as the grandmother other children I guess that tells me exactly who you whoyou are Sue a very very wonderful woman.

Thank you Sue that was wonderful to read I know that I'm supported and hopefully others who have been alone know that we do get through periods of isolation and social distancing it's nothing new to me because my work always seems to require that

Zoo I took the time to read this again today I don't know why but this always seems to comfort me because you're optimistic spirit and determination to live life to the fullest and to not go quietly into that well you know anyway this piece of writing is a masterpiece and I hold it dear to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your journey every step I feel I have raised a teacup towards your full recovery and I'm very grateful to hear that the little angel has her thumb form Liam place. And I love that you call it living on Angel time so true so true God has a plan because he's known us before we even existed which I have a hard time getting my mind around but I firmly believe. So maybe it takes knowing that it could all burst one day to fully appreciate. I guess I go back and read this because the quality of life and the quantity of life don't always go hand-in-hand and I know that you go and visit people in hospital and you can see that still hold on to life no matter where they're living it. My life has value we have value is people. And I know some people don't appreciate that. I was particularly shocked to hear on the news if someone said that some people should be sacrificed to this virus. Well I'm not sure how he's going to go about choosing but I'm not sure he's going to get very many volunteers unless they're giving themselves 4 a good cause such as caring for others in the face of being exposed themselves. We are the people will always come to the aid of others I believe that to be true. I'm not sure that we will sit down quietly to be sacrificed. There's a difference oh I'm going off on a tangent because I live in a nursing home now and I feel very imprisoned as we've been locked down and it doesn't sound nice to be told that my value my life doesn't mean as much as another person's. But recently I was complaining that I had a lot of fatigue as I am having some difficulty breathing these days. And one of the nurses commented that I that's all I did was sleep all day anyway everyday. I know I said no no I don't little projects to keep me busy I visit with people I go around and I talked with people I have friendships I have a life and when I find myself sleeping more than usual that is unusual. And I realized that she didn't think that I was worth a crap and I guess maybe that's how other people see it but I have a life worth living whatever small little backyard plot did I get to plow that's me that's mine. Recently I gave a friend a pair of shoes that I got free and she really liked them and I'm finding that I'm not able to wear shoes these days because of the swelling in my feet so I gave them to her and she kept saying how happy she was to have them and then she look at me and say are you sure you don't want them back and I said No No I gave them to you because I know that I'm not going to use them but now seeing how happy you are with them on your feet I wouldn't dream of wanting them back and seeing her so happy made me happy. Then I briefly had this glimpse of me scooping up the rest of my shoes and giving them to her because I really don't know when I'm going to get my feet back in them with all this stupid swelling but then I figured nah most of them have been kind of Warren These are nice and brand new not broken in and literally worn once and they're actually a double-dip which she's really happy to have. She said that there I said be careful they gave me a blister I don't want the same to happen to you so make sure somebody took some out for you and gives you the right kind of inserts. But I think that we should all look for that moment where life becomes a little more fun. I'm in the middle of all of this trauma of Health changing we know that we're never guaranteed the next moment of life it's all a gift and we say it but we don't believe it but it's very true there is a little angel there with her finger on the red button and at any moment when God nods his head then she is going to gracefully raise her hand and Usher us into the next phase of our spiritual existed out of our Earth body I believe that will be entered into his kingdom but whatever Kingdom you think you are going to be ushered into one thing is for sure IR residency here will end. Well as attached as I am to this body there's been many things I wish could have been changed LOL there are others however who have had a more pleasant existence in this lifetime and they may have more resistance. It reminds me of the reading and scripture that says it is very difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God and I guess that's why cuz we become very attached to our things to our bodies and these are all temporary. Don't get me wrong when I had to give away all my belongings I wasn't happy about some things some things I've been very attached to. Recently I had to block about it. Anyway thanks again Sue for reminding me that we are just here for as long as God allows. You have done so many wonderful things for all of us that I've treasured your time here and I hope you'll be here a lot longer because I love you too Sue you're my dearest friends thank you periods

So what is everybody else doing?

In my household because my kids did musical theater and dance from young age and I grew up as a child of a professional musician and was exposed to a lot of music, we knew that there was a song for every situation and it helps it really does help the belt out a song when you feel frustrated or happy just music is so much a part of our life and hopefully now that we have some extra time on our hands and we have survived so much hopefully we can find Our Song

So what is everybody else doing?

Sue what a beautiful visual imagery. I think I will read this often. Thank you for sharing your secret garden with us. I am proud to be one of your visitors. And these little walks really to bring the spirit into a better place and lets us Escape our physical room for a little while just for a little bit but it can really make a difference. I used to do this whenever I was uncomfortable such as in a dentist chair getting work done or even when I had to go through things with my divorce that's it too painful. It really helps to be in touch with our visual imagery. I'm not real sure that they've done any conclusive evidence that it makes a huge difference but I know for me it does work and I am happy to know that for someone else it does to thank you see you there

Thank you my sisters for your comments and prayers and love. Oh yes we have managed to laugh about this quite a few times with one comment that I was trying to get extra presents LOL but what my son did was he went down and got dinner on Christmas Day at the hospital cafeteria for himself and then he brought it up to the room where I was at eating my special healthy diet and we were able to have our Christmas dinner together and that was making a special moments that we will always remember in a good way. But on the other hand there has been Fallout as well. I asked my son why we when we went out did we just drive around a little bit in the car and then return home I said are you afraid to take me out now but he said no and I just get the sense that maybe he is afraid at least until I get the rest of my heart surgery. That would be this week and on Tuesday I will get the rest of the stents.

I I am amazed at the technology that we have today because I know that my parents would not have survived the heart attack that I had because today we have so much knowledge in practice in medicine.

Yes AshaI never really thought about the pain of a heart attack I mean you see the person in the movies clutch their chest and then fall to the ground and clutch their chest and say it hurts it's kind of like explaining childbirth to someone. But yes I would say that I was so at peace when I had my stroke and I knew what was happening and I knew what it was going to mean in my family and my life and my career and all of my hopes and dreams I knew what it was going to be while it was happening and I just didn't want to die and I just held on and prayed map to take me from my children yet but this time it was so different the pain was such an intensity and I was truly suffering but now that I know what's going on with all of that I am just so amazed and there is no explanation about why stroke doesn't hurt worse than it does

It's okay though I have put it all in God's hands now but I thank you for so many years a friendship. With so many of these stroke survivors I have found true camaraderie and he even felt family members to some that I have been able to confide in I have been truly blessed by your wisdom and comforted by your love. I will be thinking of all of you and channeling all of your Poise and Grace

Well I've been sitting here enjoying reading your blog. As usual I feel just like I can hear your voice and that you're just sitting across from me holding a teacup. I know what you mean about having interesting friends. Living in the nursing home I have had quite a few. And I still have some. And some I just love dearly and feel like I'm a part of their family. Like my roommate. So God bless you Sue for seeing people as people with significance and that they are still human beings who love who feel who try who enjoy. And I feel like you're my friend too Sue and I'm very grateful that over the years you always read my stupid logs that go on and on or at least you commented before you leave early LOL but I do appreciate that you've always had concern and compassion and I appreciate that very greatly. Sue you hear people and you see people and the world needs so many more like you you are a blessing to us all and I'm so very grateful that your operation was successful and that as you recover things are getting back to normal that's good to hear. You are a super Survivor now XXXXXXOOOOOO 

Thank you Kelly mother to mother it meant a lot to me that you could understand I'm sorry too for the pain you go through because of similar but I hope that things go well for you this Christmas and perhaps some video chatting well close the miles. Yes it's been a difficult time physically and maybe it's because of all the medication I'm on that I just not responding like I would normally I would be crying a lot but I'm not now I guess maybe part of me just realizes it's out of my control and I just have to accept what is and again like a stroke survivor Knows Best take what my life is and find goodness and happiness in it. But thank you Kelly.

Thank you sue for sharing it means the world to me you'll never know. Oh well now you do. Yes I'm sure that pain is just pain no matter what causes or what the laws is it just hurts. But you're absolutely right we live without them and their families and the takeaway here is we learn to live without them. It's a gaping hole but sometimes I know that there's a temporary oh so very temporary Band-Aid that is on it and then I get so happy and then Whoop That Band-Aid ripped off and so it's like oh and again. Anyway but what I feel emotionally is nothing compared to what I suffer with physically so I'm just glad that with the emotional stuff I can put it on the back burner and have a happy life but physically that's what I have to work with is that there's no living with that easily as you will know and can join in this unfortunate Club. But thank you sue thank you just for taking a notice of it all and it was just me venting I guess there's really nothing to comment about it's just like you say it is what it is and I really hate that cliche but it just is. And I will say that this time I guess because I have so much happiness going on around me with the Christmas I'm not one of these people that all of those things going wrong around me it it can't take away my Christmas spirit and the joy that comes from all the Christmases friends sharing sayings + and all the joy that we give and have from just everybody around us some more closely tied in bonds than others.

So yes you make an important point of letting me know that pain like this is also something to survive and live well anyway thank you for that Merry Christmas

So cool, I bet Christmas carol time is fun and family singalongs. Great accomplishments and no reading sheet music required. Wow! Never knew! Enjoy!! Great mind work.

Yes you will be ready again someday for another one.

Yes we value our time spent with our elders.

Thanks

Be gentle with yourself my dear Asha because you are the most insightful and kind person I have ever met. All of our emotions are there for a reason to teach us to show us and to share our Humanity in our vulnerability. If we are always going to Aspire for perfection we will have to have many many examples so it's very wonderful that other people write books and share their 

Hello Sue it sounds like you're being a trooper as usual. I know that you our great friend and companion and I'm sure a great comfort to your friend. I'm glad that you're feeling like life is getting a little bit more routine and I'm glad that little by little you're planning for some fun we must have something to look forward to. No I'm using some pumps and I'm wondering if that's something that you might be interested in using the them at home. They've made quite a difference and keeping the swelling down for me. I'm just glad to hear that all things have been going to successfully for you. And thank you so much for keeping in touch with me I needed to hear those little voices from home thank you.

Sending prayers for a miracle and comfort for you. It is hard to be at a distance during illness. Your compassion shines through to son now. Be at ease that your Gary needs you more now and be assured that son has support where he is. While it is not a mothers touch he still knows you support him and DIL right now.

I feel your pain. Hobbys keep us in that zone where we almost forget our problems but pain is relentless so no shame rest stops are necessity. Glad you posted. We missed you and your can do spirit. Cooking is best gift. Food is so important. It nourishes heals comforts us. A good meal is priceless. Of course it is nice to share more fun cooking and eating together or making it for someone else but you have the right idea to nourish yourself first too. And not skimp when it is table for one.

THANK YOU Tracy for the understanding. Thank you Sue for sharing. I have lymphedema in both legs,which makes the problem of circul!tion. I hwiave pumps to put on trwice a day. It pumps up and down my leg. I feel goodafterward. On the foot that has the black sore on the heel I have to wear this boot thing it's all puffy and I can't walk on it so I have to take it off if I have to get up and go to the bathroom it's a big pain but it does make my foot feel better to not have any pressure on that support and I'm going to have to go to the wound clinic about that and see what the next step will be. But as far as my lymphedema goes I have to start all over and do these wraps compression wraps with bandages to try and get the water off my legs again and then I can get fitted for these velcro circaid juxta Lite velcro wraps and they'll be in a small size to keep my legs small and not puffed up like they are now so they don't want me to go until I get rap three days in a row. It's really a pain for me to get picked up and taken over there three days in a row I did it before and I just can't believe that because they didn't keep me rap at the nursing home and I didn't get those things to where and then my cellulitis just returned and I've put so much effort into trying to stay well but they're not helping me. So they say just lay in bed with your legs up in the air but what I need is the compression and I need these things to be ordered by the doctor. So anyway today I got to try out the pump and I really enjoyed it I just sat there for an hour and colored and the time went by and it made my legs feel great. So I'm hoping that in the future this is going to help prevent getting my leg infections. I really have to do that so that I can get overdo the clinic hanging get the spinal. I don't know what's going to happen about the rest of the things that I need I'm just taking one step at a time. I'm sorry that you're going through all these things to but it does help to know I'm not alone. It is really horrible to be in the hospital so lonely experience but I didn't appreciate that the food was really good. And it's a sorry transition now but I really need to stop eating such rich foods. LOL well I'm sorry that oh that happened to the melanoma leg because that leg deserves a rest I hope that everything is under control and that you won't have to do much to it.

Dearest Sue,

Now is filled with challenges, obstacles that are not deserved by one who lived a life as selfless as you did. But somehow I have a feeling that Ray lurks in the background, just like that movie, an old black and white....what is it....anyway true love lasts to give strength, not misery,yet we long,and miss happy days.

My true loves were my children.

I dream they were little again. I rode in a van I used to have. Miserable ride. I did not cry though. I miss driving, freedom, my children, all of our outings

Being a Mother. All those vacations,still never enough.

 Sue Enjoy Now with grandkids to give them memories,stories of 44 years. I see you and Ray early 60s, over down under,riding trains in open country, buying a little fixer upprer, making a life! Wow!

I feel you,Sue. Surgery is terrifying. But follow your zensibilities. Lol. Hey look, I made up a NEW GOOD word.

Recovery takes planning. My old professor was a counselor,taught me how to work with my school teenagers in groups,and put us through it. She told story that we need comfort. She said she had a favorite teddy bear. And when she had surgery she put her teddy bear on the couch along with her favorite throw blanket. She talked about how it was there to comfort her. She was very happy just see it when she got home and it helped her soul which helped her body heal. She reminded me that we are more than just what our bodies are. We are souls. I think sometimes I forget especially on my body is causing me way more problems then my soul is. And I guess I should be grateful that I am not as concerned about my body when I am taking care of my soul. She taught me that it was okay to be vulnerable to be afraid and to be comforted. You see my family it was always about not taking pain medicine and being strong I'm not shedding a tear and not saying that you were fearful and everything was just fine. That is a lie. Things are scary, hurtful, lonely in real life. Bodies hurt,souls hurt. It is no sin to want pain relief. For all that hurts us.

So be comfortable.do what you must. But you are a warrior too.

God bless your procedures.

You give lots of love so it will return to you.

If you find some soul mates then who cares about demographics.

Look at hearts and for supporting you.

It will be refreshing I am sure and you bring so much energy wisdom and fun to the mix!

Remember who we are makes a difference!