heathber

Janelle you are definitely worth it, you have to believe that! This is one of those things where the self talk makes all the difference. When you fall off the plan you draw a line under it and start again. The past is done, keep going forward. Don't bother beating yourself up, that's a waste of energy.

I had something similar after my stroke, it wasn't medication but altered perception from the stroke. I lost quite a lot of weight while in inpatient rehab. But over time my tastebuds/brain realigned themselves and food tasted "normal" again and I gained back all I lost and then some. After an incident with my gallbladder last year I again lost a heap of weight and put it back on after the problem was resolved. I'm now on an eating better regime that has helped me shed most of the extra kilos. It takes being conscious of what goes in your mouth and making all the calories you consume "useful" so lots of veg, fruit not too often, good protein, good fats, seriously limit processed carbs (sugar/flour/white rice etc.) and don't beat yourself up if you have the occasional "lapse" from plan. Cook as much for yourself as possible, easiest way to avoid extra sugar. Once the body adapts to it having something "wicked" actually doesn't taste all that good. I was surprised at how quickly my body adapted (2 - 3 weeks of minimal carbs was enough to reset things).

Making going out a habit sounds like a good plan, even if it's just a quick walk to the end of the street and back at lunchtime each day. The house sounds wonderful, give it time and the neighbors situation should settle. They are just annoyed by change to a habit they formed while your place was empty. If you feel up to it one day, maybe call in and try to make friends.

Diabetes and stroke often go together. I have no idea which is the trigger for the other, but quite a lot of stroke survivors also manage diabetes after. Personally I'm not one of them "yet", I hope never, but I have a family history that also predisposes me so managing diet, weight and exercise are important. It sounds like you have a good handle on it. -Heather

Tracy's comment about the cinnamon reminded me the other thing they don't like is peppermint oil. It has to be the real stuff not peppermint flavour essence. I have it for chocolate making as anything other than oil stops the chocolate setting. I've only used it inside though. When they are coming into the kitchen I find the hole they are entering by and run a peppermint oil soaked cotton bud around it. they won't walk over it

When doing that sort of job remember before you start that Murphy loves an opportunity. So you have to be one step ahead of him. Like Sue when I lived in a house with pavers the "ant sand" and boiling water were my gotos when the little guys got too adventurous. You never completely get rid of them but they can be discouraged. That accidental finger up the nose does sound familiar too, and of course as you are in the shower (hot steam) it seems to go on forever. good luck with the next attempt.

Absolutely! keep on going. Hang in there, doing what you love helps!

Sarah you would love to be there and offer physical support, but it is not possible so send your love and best wishes and know that they know you would do more. But right now if you tried to go you would be more burden than help so don't beat yourself up.

Hang in there Nancy. Good luck with combating the "no eat" card and the Casino/slots. One time when being stubborn as a survivor is not a good trait.

yep everything crossed that the plans don't get changed

Hi Chris, I'm a survivor not a caregiver, so my response may not be what you are looking for. Although I'm sure one of the caregivers will be along to answer you shortly too. First up you are not being a spoiled brat. This thing is hard from both sides of the fence. It sounds like the TIA (second stroke) has affected both your husband's speech and his emotional centers. Although he may just be being a sh*t because he feels sh*tty and with his speech affected he has no other way to express his own frustration and anger. He may not be speaking much because he either can't find the words or can't get them past his tongue. One crazy thing about stroke speech effects is that swear words and anger seem to use a different part of the brain to everyday speech so those things can be said when other things can't. Also one thing often lost in a stroke is the ability to censor and control your expression of emotion. we call it "no filter" it's common and takes much training/work to overcome. Sleeping a lot is also common it's part of the brains recovery mechanism. Let him sleep and get your stuff done while he sleeps. Get out and get some exercise, build up your own energy and resilience, do something that makes you feel good. I don't believe the man you married is not in there somewhere. He's probably wailing at the bars of the cage his body has become. It sounds like you need to try and get him into some sort of residential rehab program for a few months. It it still early days in his recovery (this thing is measured in years not months) and much can be done with therapy. If there's no inpatient available get him into out patient or in home therapy. Although therapy needs to be something he wants to do and is willing to work at if it's going to achieve anything. Have you tried asking him what he wants? and explaining how his behaviour is affecting you? From what I've seen Men are much harder on themselves than women when they suddenly find themselves unable to do the things they used to do, the loss of control over yourself is very hard on the psyche. finding ways to give him back some control may help. Also don't forget to look after you. Caring for the carer is just as important as caring for the survivor. Have you actually asked his kids for help and given them something concrete to do? Make a list of what you need help with and make a point of using it. write the kids off only once they prove they can't/won't help. Many people are busy with their own lives and don't know what to do, so they do nothing. Hang in there it's not as bad as it feels right now. Feel free to rant and wail here when you need to. We will listen and understand. We've all been there and done it Hugs -Heather

It has to happen, scared is fine. Do your advance care plan before hand (just in case) then trust your plan and hope it isn't needed. You've got this. (((hugs)))

I'm in the celebrate it camp, too. 15 years is an achievement for both of you. It might not be a happy memory or a good moment in your lives but it was a major change and you both got through it and it should be marked in some way. Why not have a party so long as it's not too much for either of you. Can you ask a friend or family member to do the "work" of it?

Oh yes, Like cats you can suggest but until it is their idea it won't happen. I hope that you can suggest it to them, so that they can see the use. It is not that they are incapable its about speed of response and ease of mind for everyone. Maybe ask your stepmom what she would have done to get help if you had not been in the house when your dad fell. After all that will soon be the reality. At the moment she can't call for help and stay with him while she calls. The modern alarms can sense when the wearer falls and call help automatically. Who they call is completely programmable, first call could even be her, and the programming is done by the company so you/they don't have to stress about that bit, you just say what you want to happen and provide the phone numbers.

It all sounds very trying Tracy. It sounds to me like you need to get both your Dad and your stepmom emergency alert pendants that they wear all the time and then they can get help whenever they need and you can feel more comfortable about moving to your own home. https://www.choice.com.au/electronics-and-technology/gadgets/tech-gadgets/buying-guides/personal-alarms Some of these can also double as a very simple mobile phone. I 'm sure they exist where you are. But do remember they are both adults and you can't try and run their lives any more than they should be trying to run yours. 💖

fingers crossed he will now use the aids he's supposed to. It is harsh that he had to learn the hard way, but so long as he learns from it and no permanent damage was done! It is so hard to lose control of a body that has always obeyed you (as we stroke people know all too well) The loss of dignity in the middle of the night is tough. I did something very similar when in hospital last year, he only had you and your mum to see the chaos, I had at least 6 nurses and a team of doctors come running. It's funny now but at the time was anything but.

I get you! you can see what's coming and you have done your risk analysis so while you have fear you are not afraid. It's anticipation not dread. All fingers and toes crossed that everything works the way you want it to. -Heather

That sounds great Tracy! And yes I can understand how your particular issues could so easily mimic bipolar and other problems. And what is happening for you at the moment is exciting so you are allowed to be/feel a bit "crazy". I do hope to be saying "happy housewarming" very soon.

Gorgeous! Nice to know he's doing better now. Enjoy your visit

Hi Tracy it does sounds ever so slightly manic! Fingers crossed you don't get to add bipolar to your list of troubles. On the whole it sounds like things are finally starting to fall in your favour. I do so hope that is the case. (((HUGS))) -Heather

Super HUGS coming your way!!! So good to hear that everything is falling into place at last. No one minds a happy weep, let it flow a bit.

Fingers crossed you are on the 30 day list. You'll just get the call when you get to the top. of whichever list they put you on. My last surgery they put me on the 30 day list because I'd had so many complications from the initial presentation and I got the call within 2 weeks. So fingers crossed and hugs for everything to turn out well.

What you can get does depend on where you are. I have an unlimited fibre connection too these days, and even when I didn't I always preferred to go with a throttling plan rather than a charge for overuse plan. If you used too much the last few days of the month might be annoying but it was always a fixed cost.

That's a lovely story Deigh! But yes that dateline does my head in every time I cross it!

Hi Tracy, as of today Sue should be in UTC +10, we were UTC +11 until Sunday because of DST. NSW is same timezone as VIC (where I am) Janelle in WA is UTC +8 Deigh in NZ should be UTC +12 sorry I don't know NZ DST periods. US east coast should be UTC -5 which makes NZ 17 hours ahead of US EST not 16 UTC is usually easiest to work with which is why it exists 🙂 add 5 to get to 0 and then add 12 to get to NZ if you cross 0 from negative to positive add a day. and if you cross 0 from positive to negative lose a day. This is the fun part of flying to the US from here, you arrive before you left having spent 22 hours in the air, and coming home you lose a day. so you arrive the day after you expect to.