HostTracy

Absolutely agree Becky 🙂! Jim we hear you. Happiness is a journey that starts with yourself. Neuropsychogical testing would be very informative and helpful to your wife and for you. The unknown is how much of her behavior is she in control of; what treatments, therapies, medications, etc. could help; can there be improvement and are either of you experiencing depression and need medication/therapy. I also very much agree that you need to seek mental health support or rather more support in general. Anyone in your shoes would more than likely need the same thing...your wife as well.

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Hi Jim my name is Tracy. I am very sorry you and your wife find yourselves here. I can hear how much you love your wife and I can hear how frustrated you are and can sense your pain. I, in every way, admire every caretaker. Caretaker to me is one of the toughest positions to be in. It does sound as though your wife may be experiencing some depression and definitely at the very least lack of motivation. These things can be caused by stroke itself. Stroke can be the cause of so many emotional, behavioral and physical things (including being fearful of losing her husband) for the survivor. For you, I can see how difficult and sometimes maybe even hopeless you feel. I suggest that you speak with your wife's medical team to ensure your wife is getting all the help she needs and that her needs are met at this point. I also feel like you, the caretaker, need to spend time and effort on yourself. Plan this time, make it a priority, make you a priority, rest, be good to yourself, seek therapy if you need...caretaker burnout is so real. You need to recharge. It will help you to have a clear mind, have energy, to have patience, to seek new or different help for you and your wife, to have more stamina for your very tough position. Taking care of you will help you to be able to be a caretaker for your wife. You deserve this self care. I wish I could just give you "the" answer. I feel that with more support for your wife's issues through her medical team (Neurologist, PCP, Therapists, or any other member) finding things that may help would/could be so good for both of you. Hang in there, take care of you, get help for you (I can't think of anyone who deserves this more than a caretaker and who he/she takes care of). ☮️❤️

I ♥️ you Heather 🙂

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Sue I truly feel you are very right my friend. Some call it karma, circle of life, love...no matter it comes back to you. Beautiful souls choose to see through the rough stuff not to ignore it but because they know the rewards once past. You dear Sue are a beautiful soul. Paul, I don't feel what you say is incoherent at all. Sometimes life circumstances prepare us for what is likely ahead. Sometimes we just don't end up on the "likely" path. Not too much prepares us for those instances. It is very hard to shake what has been engrained in you your whole life. You just know something doesn't feel right. You learn how to navigate on rough waters. You learn that this world is not black and white. The gray is /has always been a force. May your path lead you to a positive light. You do serve others when you allow others to serve you when you need this. I don't see it as a moral failing but a righteous path. As hard as it is and I know it's hard, you can define you. (((HUGS)))

Sue your comment brings my stepmom to mind. Daddy finally was taken off of life support today. It's been a hard day for everyone I know in my Dad's family and other friends and acquaintances. My stepmom has challenges herself mentally and physically. She has been a caregiver for so very long. First for her mom...who passed last year at 97. She moved in with her mom 7 years before her passing. My dad was not sick then and he encouraged Janice to go to her mom. Janice came to her and my dad's house maybe once or twice a week. They spoke by phone often. Her brother lives in Oklahoma so Janice was essentially her moms only caretaker. She did so with love and happiness. She never has been able to process her mom's passing because she finally moved back to her house with my dad and almost right away he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Though I lived with them I wasn't my dad's direct caretaker...he wanted Janice to fulfill that and with an open heart of course she did. We have had many talks, disagreements, understandings...i know she felt very alone. She on many occasions said "I do it all.". It wore on her like a heavy wet blanket. My sister and I both have tried to be encouraging during this really hard time. It is time that she focus on and take care of herself now. To feel OK that someone takes care of her. I have seen the long, hard, lonely, debilitating and hollow price. For her it has been a huge price. I try and tell her how much I love her and thank you for all she does. My love and prayers are with her. I also think of my daughter who was my caregiver after my stroke 4 years ago. She had already gone through so much and she was thriving. Full time college and full time job and on July 5th 2015 full time caretaker (she was 19). I am so heart broken how much doing so took from her and I wish so much that she had never found her life placed in those circumstances. How inconvenient is a stroke! Without her I don't know if I would be here today. She sacrificed everything to take care of me. Her mental health took a big blow. After time, she no longer could be my caretaker...or work or function at her prior stability. She quit school. She moved out and got into a very unhealthy relationship. Support for her was absolutely lacking. I was too ill, my ex was no support period, and I know she also felt very alone. I thank God for them both. I am in awe at their selflessness at the moment. Such a heavy price. Sue you are so beautiful. Such a true blessing for others like yourself. Thank you for all you have done and all you do.

Please pray with me that daddy is already in God's arms. At peace, resting. They are saying within the next 12 hours or so they expect to know more to confirm what they suspect is already true. I just pray so much that daddy's soul is already with God.

Daddy was rushed to the ER from step down rehab this morning with 0 vitals. He was resuscitated and is now on life support. We are still waiting for more information. Just asking for prayers. Thank you.

🤢 Taco Bell. The night I had the stroke I ate Taco Bell. My kind of weird stroke (and it was a doozy) caused immediate severe vertigo. I violently vomited in a way I can't even talk about because my stomach can't take it. I vomited for a full month and on and off for months. For the 1st 2 years after my stroke just hearing the words Taco Bell was horrible...immediate nausea. I think maybe between the 2nd and 3rd year post I allowed another person to get it and it be in the same car for a few minutes. I have not and will not ever eat anything from there again. 😬🤮 I'm sure there are a few things and some must evoke a positive memory lol. It's what I think of first!

Oh my goodness 🤗 such talent 🎨 and such heart ♥️!!!

Look up hemiplegic migraine Janelle. I'm not sure if your headaches in any way resemble this but if so then you can ask your Dr. about it. May be helpful.

Thank you so much Janelle. Those are meaningful words to me. 🙂 I have made it a struggle for a long time...since about a year after my stroke I made a decision that I don't want to do that anymore. Time to heal that wound. Janelle, my friend, your heart is massive! ♥️