HostTracy

So familiar to me as well. I would be lying if I said I don't miss many of the things I took for granted before my stroke. One thing about relationships bothers me more than it should. I truly miss the intimate part of a relationship (not sex but holding, hugging, sweet words,etc). It feels lonely ( I am single now but not truly interested in persuing a new relationship as of this day and age). Recently, as I planned a trip to the beach with my mom and sisters I had to think about for the first time something that I wasn't sure about and I had anxiety even though I couldn't find out for myself just yet. I haven't walked on sand since before my stroke. After my stroke walking on anything that was not SOLID was an accident just waiting. My central vertigo would take this ability away from me. The nearest time I can remember being in s substance similar to sand was trying to walk in my father's freshly tilled garden a few years back. I had to go and retrieve something. My first step and I went down on my knees like I had just stood in quick sand and I swear I barely swam (that's what it felt like) out of that dirt! A friend of mine asked me oh can you stand well on the sand now and it dawned on me that I wasn't sure at all. That bothered me but you better believe I would be out there in the sand with one person on each side until we got to where I had a beach chair in front of the calming waves and get help up and back. We, unfortunately, didn't get to go due to Covid but I will someday. I will try my best and maybe I will surprise myself!

You know Sue I think going through a stroke and surviving and everything I do now to be my best has taught me a lot about life, priorities, and fears. First, I am absolutely not afraid of dying... heck I layed on a floor and vomited my brains out one night while talking to death (stroke). It makes me realize how little I truly have control of and that it is my reaction to or of what is happening that makes the difference. I am truly thankful for this as it leads to much less anxiety about life in general. It has also helped me when processing truly very difficult times in my family i.e. my grandmother's, my brother's, and my dad's deaths. I think to others I may seem cold but it is not about not caring at all. I am just at peace with the knowledge that my loved ones earthly pains are no more and are with their loved ones who are in heaven happy and ok. My faith is strengthened. Priorities has been a harder lesson because it just takes time to come to an acceptance of yourself post stroke and that to embrace that is not giving up but still trying all the time and not letting things "bother" me unneccesarily (a real blessing too). Life is what you make it even if your making it looks way different from your past or the others around you. Finding the positive, making lemonade out of lemons, a cup half full, etc. It's not always easy but it feels better than soaking in the latter. I pray for everyone to find these truths for themselves whatever they may be... my hopes, dreams, happiness and self worth are mine and we are all so different (which is wonderful) for everyone. My acceptance of today and me today I reaffirm every morning because well it changes everyday. Remember find the positive and hold on, create what you can with what you have, and practice mindfulness and gratitude (works wonders just to do this). Happy Holidays all.

Oh dear Becky I completely understand about not getting shingles. I, thankfully, have not had them personally but my previous manager from years ago developed them all over one side of her head and scalp. Suffering, painful, she couldn't wash her hair, she had to apply greasy ointment on everyday (she still came to work sometimes...tough lady). It was months and more months of residual pain and neurological pain. I think she took gabapentin for a good while. I am planning on my vaccine as soon as I can get it.

It is still amazing to me the stron friendships that have formed since and from the fact I had a stroke to begin with. I pretty much lost all of my regular friends but I can tell you that the friends I have made in this community are the kindest, most inclusive and accepting people I've ever known. Now that alone is certainly a blessing. Sue I am so glad youhave made wonderful friends as well! So very sorry to hear about Bonnie and I sadly think I never got to know her here. Happy Holidays and may the future bring us much freedom to visit those we miss so much. Prayers to all and God Bless!

I can relate to both. Though this year I am feeling physically weaker than I ever have and I am so aware that if I don't work on my stamina I'm going to short change myself. As far as cheating (being a diabetic myself) well i am not a strict miser about it. I fall off when holidays pop up or the occasional I have to have something "real" sweet. I just get off that train and hop back on the right one. I think it keeps me from going full postal and eating a whole cake lol. I certainly do feel there are things I can do to improve some aspects of myself. I think I have been working on them since I had the stroke. Baby step by baby step I'm getting better at being me.

Nuclear Energy

OK I am making the choice to change my own 😁 Report Card

Janelle I am so glad all is in the open and yes it does feel so much better. Life is lighter. I think you are right, many of us bottle things up and it is always a burst of release which can be overwhelming. One thing I know for myself is that I work on speaking my truth as it comes instead of bottling it up inside. This is something I'm not an expert at. I have difficulty after my stroke with processing information (coming in or going out)... it tends to add a layer of emotion and anxiety making it difficult to communicate fluidly. I have learned I pay much more for carrying these burdens than letting them free. LOL my imperfections at controlling my emotions during communication is an ongoing project. I have a very small group of close friend/family who love me enough to allow me time and patience to get my points across... hopefully in a positive and calm way. This is not perfect of course, there are definately times where my point comes across hurt, angry, frustrated, and possible rude feeling. It's hard sometimes... and I have found myself overwhelmed with emotions and frustrations and just need to stop communication (sometimes crying, covering my ears, saying not so nice words - as you can imagine it doesn't go over very well). Ha ha I think of having a laminated "This is why..." typed out explanation of my reaction rather than the moment coming off as spoiled brat. Weird to explain but it can seem childish reather than frustrated upset behavior. This is just a long way of saying sometimes when I need to get something out that I can't seem to sometimes gets to that point where I cover my ears, squeeze my eyes closed, and loudly repeat "la la la la la la la la la..." or crawl under the table and suck my thumb (ok a little dramatic but funny). I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to say here.... my stuff is a work in progress. I celebrate your release my friend, it can make all the difference in the world. Huggs!!!

I'm not sura about you but my year is flying by! I w onder if it will continue to feel this way because it has been different for a while. Since I had my stroke time has seemed slower than usual up until this past year. It's possible my clock is catching up 🙂 . It will be New Year's before I know it. This year I have been trying hard to improve on all my improvements or at least the ones that have always normalized me. The simple things: chores, schedules, regulating my energy output better to serve my available energy, relaxing/meditating, planning small things, recognizing my anxiety triggers, pushing myself to continue down some paths that will help me physically in the long run, establish some if any kind of routie (very difficult for me), etc. I suppose I am tweaking things a bit. Hopefully, improving the outcomes. I am proud to say that my A1C is going in the right direction (3 month sugar ave./diabetes), my cholesterol is completely ideal, all other blood tests are all looking great. I've been really trying hard to not cheat when it comes to eating for diabetes and this is helping a lot! My A1C went down fron 8.2 to 6.4 which is super!!! Along with that is a 20 lb loss which is wonderful. I have been working on getting things around me in good order (so not perfect!). I am grateful for the opportunity and energy to do so. I began a new adventure this week and I am going to have to learn how much I can do within my energy range. I started to do internet grocery shops for people via Instacart. It's been over 6 years since I have "earned" any money and 2 days ago I earned $30.10!!!! Seems like nothing but to me this is huge! I've already learned a few things: I did too much Wednesday (3 shops and still very new to me/learning which is exhausting), it felt really good completing a shop, and I can do this even if limited. So change of plans: for now until I feel confident and able to try to add shops just allow one per day. That way I am learning, building confidence, building stamina and reducing any triggering pressure. I feel good about it! A lot has happened the past 4 months and I have been a bit beside myself. Sometimes life just needs to teach you some lessons in how to handle certain life changes. Learn to be grateful in what you have, learn to accept positives that come towards you anf to let go, surrender, give it to God, and trust God has you. I never knew how much of a control issue I have had through the years... a bunch! I have felt the need to control anything and everything having to do with my emotions. I'm learning more today that I have very little ultimate control anf releasing my energy used to "be in control" is absolutely freeing and healing. Seems all the things in life I tried to control were never good for me in the long run. My new mantra "Let It Go! Give It to God!". I pray that all of you have been well and I am so happy to be able to post again. I have missed it! Thank you so much Missy! Here's to a happy, healthy two months of holidays!

attendance report

bell pepper

Hugs my friend (((HUGS))). I'll tell you a little story about my tears (in the past 4 months). As you know I have ongoing PBA (emotional lability) and the past 4 months have been pretty emotional for me. So I went from completely over emotional and crying at the drop of a feather to feeling the sad pain and the inability to let it out (no tears no matter how much my body needed to). I was so frustrated!!! Sort of angry at moments, completely defeated at others. I thought about the lack of tears so many times (talking to myself, working to shed just one tear). After talking it over with my therapist, I found some answers.... 1st due to my stroke and where it happened and my defecits I have quite a few Psychiatric issues and depending on the moment it can trigger strange "symptoms". I definately have been under extra stress and I have been having moments of dissociation. My therapist and I have been working for a long time to recognize when this is happening to me (it helps with excessive anxiety to recognize it). My lack of tears is in this same "realm" of psychiatric stuff... I can't handle excessive anxiety/stress and something triggers when I am having that and I sort protect myself without trying or maybe knowing (the more tears I have the more anxiety at the moment so the more my psyche diverts, softens, pushes down any emotions that try to hijack me. The good news is that it is not lasting it will pass. That cry I had a week ago, was a much needed flood and even though negative emotions were the catalyst the act of crying releases a huge amount of tension. (and I sleep which is always a plus) I sure hope your tear maker gets back online soon I know what it's like to lose it for a bit and it's not easy. Love you friend and hope you feel better soon. Tracy

Holiday Decor

Work Force

I'm just looking at our current statistics (fully vaccinated in America 53.3% 😶). I'm not sure what to say lol. I am so glad to hear about the new adventures you have been able to enjoy. I pray that everyone finds the strength to rise above. I don't mean that to sound ominous. I just look around me and see so much "out of sight out of mind". I am super grateful to have my family near. I am also praying that everyone gets to be able to get to where there heart wants to go. Hold on to those blessings and snippets of clarity. That is a wonderful way to calm the soul and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Love you guys! Saty safe and all my blessings and sorry i'm in philisophical head space lol.

I was just thinking as I read your post. What if there is a designated area for anyone who needs this. No drinking, easy ability to mobilize, private areas to get to the loo and food etc. where others can not take over. It of course would have to be limited and I think it would also need some work put into it to be able to do this. I feel that everyone should be able to enjoy Birds of Tokyo or anyone else free of this kind of worry. I mean yeah it sounds like a big thing but I am thinking is it really? I mean for it to be done. I sure hope you get a listening ear Janelle and I'm glad Birds of Tokyo rocked. You are stronger than you think. I am honest I have a very strong willed stubborn southern mouth on me and yeah it would have been triggered.

Holy Spirit

Many Choices

Hugs Dottie and everyone... Thank you. Love you guys. ❤

Love this! Thank you!

World Peace ☮

So refreshing to hear such positive changes. I think I embrace "God works in mysterious ways" more and more all the time. Willis how wonderful it is that you and April started a new journey with open arms and grateful hearts. That can really add light toward His mysterious ways. It's huge when you take a look and notice that all the "things" do not hold all the memories and that our hearts are bigger than that. Memories I hold in my heart are priceless... they give me the most joy. Here's to making new memories and embracing with open arms the memories yet to come! Bravo !!! ❣

White elephant *Mark this is a wonderful idea!

Coffeeshop chat is open 8pm-9pm EST http://www.strokechat.net/

I want to start by saying I need and I miss my friends and support here at Strokenet. It's been somewhat of a tough year for me I suppose emotionally, mentally and physically. I know I'm not alone when I say "I'm so tired". Man, am I so tired! I'm not even sure what was going on in my life when I was more active in the forums and in my blogs... I'll have to go back and pay attention to when it started to fade to catch up on where I am now (well what's been happening since then). No one knows that I have started tons of blogs and it ended up floating into the blog beyond lol. Trying to maintain my thoughts can be pretty hard these days and as many of you know I'm not one for quick updates... More like small book updates. I should really work on that and maybe have better success! So, this has been a year like no other for me anyways. I realize that our history books will change soon and in 50 years everyone will be talking about when the new virus hit the world. I think back to when my history classes talked about such events in the past before me and I realize how much I never thought I would ever live during "an event". My perspective has really changed since before my stroke and I am less afraid of a lot of things. I'm not sure "afraid" is the correct word. I think maybe I just am more at peace with the finality of life and death. I know, sounds pretty morbid 😁 but I think honestly too... living in less fear is freeing and I enjoy it more. On the other hand, my cognitive lapses just seem to affect me more and more. That definitely gets in my way! So, I'll put a disclaimer here. I hope this blog is somewhat fluid and others can make sense of it because it is possible I might wander here and there lol. I am about to take a mental break and will start where I left off hopefully. (Literally-a necessary nap is coming). Be back soon!