HostTracy

Staff - Stroke Support
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Everything posted by HostTracy

  1. Thank you both. I am so proud of her and I bet she remembers many of the things I have told her over the years about the big world. She came over to visit tonight and we didn't argue once!
  2. It has been a week since my daughter moved out of our house and into her own apartment. I never knew it would be so difficult LOL. First she was having a lot of anxiety about packing and I helped her but she avoided this right until the last moment. This meant spending a long night up really late packing boxes that could have been done much earlier but we did it. It then meant the next morning we woke early and she went and got her keys and officially signed the lease and actually found out where she was and if it was 1st or 2nd floor. <- This was important because my step dad was coming to help and a lot of stairs would have been really hard not to mention I am a snail going up or down stairs and can't repeat over and over. After loading up my step dad's truck, my car, and Hailey's boyfriend's car they took the first load to her new apartment. I stayed behind and worked on getting boxes to my livingroom so they could easily get to them. One more trip and we had everything! I went up the steps and by this time I had to just stay there while they unloaded. After this I took my daughter to buy her some groceries and some essentials she would need. We were both exhausted and at one point she just cried a little and said I just want to go home. We walked into the new apt. and there was her boyfriend unpacking and putting things away! I was so surprised and thankful that he was so considerate and helped her. It was surreal driving back home knowing that my baby was not coming with me. The first week has been quieter than I can ever remember. After a couple of good days of rest I began to move things into the spare room. We have a little house and al the things I didn't have space for just ended up behind a rocking chair or lining the walls. It was like I had so much more breathing room. I am still working on moving things but the difference has been phenominal. I waited a few days before I called her to let her get settled in. We spoke for the first time amicably in a long while. I told my mom it was really nice and now we can make plans and have lunch or do things together occasionally. I miss her though...I really miss her. I do already feel less stressed. It was time and a huge stepping stone in both our lives. I'm proud of her and she has surprised me with important decisions. This helps me feel better about setting her free in this big world. I pray that she soars!
  3. You are a brave soul and I am so glad that you have been seeing positive results. I myself have had severe anxiety and panic disorder with some depression but it sounds like depression really bit hard for you. Depression and meds are quirky sometimes they just don't work so well...I am glad you have found and alternative and were brave enough to push on. Please keep us informed of your progress!
  4. ? You are on your right path now Asha! What a realization!
  5. You know Sue I get sorta blue every autumn...not necessarily for the same resons but my Doctor calls it SAD (Seasonal Affective Depression) or something like that. For me those short days of light are tough. I try and get out in the sun or open my curtains during the day and I feel somewhat better. It slowly wears away and then spring brings me out of it. I bet though having to be alone a lot is just a bit of a downer...I can only imagine. I'm always happy to see you write and be so supportive on this site. That helps others tremendously and I am sure appreciated so much. Hobbies just aren't the same in the cooler and cold months. I love to get outside and enjoy planting flowers, trimming the shrubs, picking up sticks and fallen limbs even...being out in the sun just feels so good. Know I am thinking about you and hope that you find your autumn and winter pass over as smooth as possible. ?
  6. Thank you guys. It's been a while since I've enjoyed writing poetry so it feels good that I am!
  7. I truly understand your fears and Kelli I am so glad everything is ok!
  8. How I See My World I look all around and it's hard to believe, That a broken mind has set me free. There are no agendas in my sight, No time crunches or policies I have to fight. Less fuss, less scurry, less stress for me, The world is quieter and calmer than I once believed. The wind on my face and the rustle of leaves, Is warmer and more magical than I once conceived. Even the blinding lights have beauty to behold, Starbursts and halos and rainbows to unfold. Time has more meaning and more gifts to unwrap, No lifeless moments or thoughtless traps. I once thought this stroke of broken life was just pain, but I have learned to look through it and see blessings the same. So take what is bad and turn it around, Because life is a blessing and serenity can be found. Tracy 3/2/2017
  9. HostTracy

    Bring it

    Kelli I have no doubts that you will rise to the occasion. It makes you feel vulnerable to have the feelings you have but I most definitely have been there. I hope that your surgery goes smoothly and that your recovery is as easy on you as possible. Believe. You are beautiful. Beauty is not just skin deep.
  10. Sue I think you are so right. To me all this disagreement is just that it's time she open her wings.
  11. It's official my daughter will be moving to her own apartment in 2 weeks. She is 20 so I know at around this age more or less the want to break free. Her and I haven't got along very well this year. She has done so much to help me financially and she is just tired of not being able to use her money like she wants to. She also gets so upset with me when I just ask her a simple question. All I hear is "I'm a adult!" I think it is hard for kids to understand that once a mom always a mom. I am excited for her and proud that she is taking this big step but it's hard for her to see. I do worry like any mom would. I don't want my only daughter to struggle in the real world...we want to keep them close as long as we can. Even so I am supportive and I pray that she makes a great go of it. I wish I could help her out more than I will be able to she still needs a lot of things. My mom has 2 or 3 of everything so she is going to help a whole lot. I wish she could see my excitement for her and that I support her and love her. We've been fighting so much...my mom says its ok it will pass that this is her learning who she is and finding her independance. My mom did the same thing for me and I got married and moved to another state. It must have been hard for her. It is hard in it's on way. I can't explain it, I want her to get out there and take on the world but I am sad too.I suppose many parents feel this way when their children leave home. My mom told me a long time ago that aliens pick up your child when they are teens and bring them back usually in their early 20's. This made me laugh and is sorta fitting...bringing up a teenage girl and now a bright young woman has been some pretty hard business. I pray that she still holds my pearls of wisdom I have tried to give and can remember them when the time is needed.
  12. Thank you so much and since I have talked with so many of you I don't feel alone. That was the one feeling that I think changed for the positive for sure when I became a member to this site.
  13. Thank you Heather. Writing poetry is something I have enjoyed for a long time but have only recently been able to pick it up again. Writing from a pain point of view helps me to be so expressive and it really does help to release it.
  14. Here's a poem I wrote yesterday....sorry if it it long. Do You See Me? Do you see me. Look here...right here. I look to your eyes searching for an answer. You look at me, or is it through me. I feel like a ghost, unseen yet in your path. Then, it happens...you walk past me or is it through me. Either way, I am but a shadow of who I used to be. Behind you I follow and tell you I'm fine. Just a lingering dark shadow behind your lit face. It's the light, then you, then me. If you only you looked back then you could see. See..."HERE BEHIND YOU!" I shout loud and clear. You just keep walking silently. I watch you and shudder from the noise all around. I'm scared and alone...just praying you'll see me. To put your hand out and catch me if I fall... or save me from my broken, loud world. It all moves past me so fast; I can't breath. I'm shaken and frightened at every turn. Praying my path, your path...will lead me into calm. Every day I fight just as hard. Today is no different as you walk in the light. Behind you I'm waiting. Look back at me. You look but all you see is a shadow...cast from the light I never see. Tracy Miller 2-15-17
  15. Thank you David. Thank you for seeing into the jumble mess of words and allowing me to get those scary moments out. It's good for me.
  16. Sorry if it's kinda dark and lonely poem but I have felt this way at moments after. This is a way for me to get it out. I used to write poetry all the time. Trust me I am a big amateur so I have no Idea if I follow "the right way" lol.
  17. HostTracy

    yikes

    That is scary Kelli. I've not had tacchycardia before but I have talked to people who have and I knew I never wanted to experience this. Is this caused from your stroke?
  18. Heather I enjoyed these pictures so much. So many happy, smiling, and determined faces. I am not near the ocean but this looks like an adventure and so worth the effort and tiredness that might follow. I am glad you got to do this and thank you for sharing!
  19. Thanks Heather I will take that advice. I've been doing things different just trying a new system . My Neuropsychologist says I need to just do 1 thing at a time. It's hard when you have a whole house that needs attention so I started making a smaller list for everyday and I check it as done even if I only did it once like laundry. So if I do 2 or 3 then great but just checking off that I have accomplished something helps me keep motivated I think. I have also been doing things in increments. I'll do a list item and then take a break and relax. Then I just keep repeating that. It's helping!
  20. Things I am thankful for today: 1. I am thankful for my recycle bin because over the past year it has kept me busy and I think about "What am not recycling that I can?" 2. I am thankful for my 1 cup of coffee in the morning...I may limit it but each cup is like a littlle slice of heaven. 3. I am thankful for the energy I have had the last few days...I even had 2 days where I marked everything off on my To Do list. 4. I am thankful for my vacuum cleaner bought 2nd hand for $25 because it has been a powerhouse for the past 4 years...a great buy! 5. I am thankful for the mild weather we have had this winter because I can get out and enjoy the outdoors often. Yay I remembered Sunday's list!!! This has been a week of gratitude that I might just have to keep doing every day!
  21. I missed a day again so here goes: 1. I am thankful I still have a few friends that care about me even if they don't call. 2. I am for my vacuum because believe it or not my kitty loves to be vacuumed and this surely cuts down on flying fur. 3. I am thankful for fresh berries because nothing tastes so fresh and delicious. 4. I am thankful for my medication because without it I would be a whole different person in a bad way. 5. I am thankful my neighbors who have been so kind to me. 6. I am thankful for Landlor and friend because he has been so flexable working with us during such a hard time. 7. I am thankful for the memories I have of me before the stroke. This has been a hard one. At one time I wished I didn't remember but they help me strive a little harder. 8. I am thankful for my team of therapists who literally helped me stand and walk on my own two feet. I learned so much from all of them. 9. I am not thanful that I endured a stroke but I am thankful for how I look at my immediate world differently now. I appreciate things I never thought about before. 10. I am thankful for the birds and squirrels that visit my yard every morning because kitty loves to watch them as much as I do. Today is Sunday so I will have to try and remember to come back tonight and write todays gratitudes.
  22. By the way this was Friday. I don't know what day I missed lol.
  23. Today has been a very productive day for me. All but 1 thing on my list is done even baking a loaf of bread! 1. I am thankful for the internet which is weird but I learn a lot of things from there, you guys are here, and sometimes it's what I CAN do. 2. I am thankful for sun setting we had a beautiful horizen this evening and I took pictures. 3. I am thankful for the energy I have had today it's added to how I feel about myself . 4. I am thankful for planning a day ahead it's not so far that I won't know what to write but helps me stay on schedule. 5. I am thankful for my hands because I could not have made bread without them. I hope everyone has had a great day!
  24. Heather I don't brave them too often because it's hard to get down and even harder to get up. I love a good bubble bath though I hope one day you do too. It was a real milestone for me.
  25. Oh that sounds so wonderful Heather! I love to see another's joy. Thank you for creating your own gratitude list.