HostTracy

Staff - Stroke Support
  • Posts

    2,750
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by HostTracy

  1. HostTracy

    Christmas 2016

    I refuse to be a scrooge.
  2. I am so happy to say that I am halfway through my list. This list I made instead of a New Year's Resolution because I wanted to see it happen. New Year's Resolutions have not been keepers for me but this is a list I can mark off - 10 things. Five checked!!! Today we put up the wall tree and even decorated around the living room a bit. Yesterday I made a simple Holiday Wreath and have it hanging on my door! I also put garland and ribbon up outside! I got an apple scented candle and today we decorated the jar with lights. The most important thing so far is that I completed the cookbook that I have been making for my family this Christmas...it's been a year long project and I think my best so far!!! I do have make Christmas Cookies on my list and so I started already by buying an inexpensive set of Holiday Cookie cutters...it has everything stocking, gingerbread man, gingerbread woman, Christmas tree, a candy cane and a snowman for 1.99! I just realized I am over halfway completed. I forgot to check one. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
  3. I know right? I've never been a great list writer until now. Writing it is easy...remembering to write it or rembering where I put it if not in my planner is a different story lol. I also want to really try yoga. My local YMCA offers it as a class and I'm hoping this next year I can afford a membership. They also have water yoga and water aerobics in an inside pool so it is year round. I'm going to make this a hopeful goal for next year.
  4. Heather notes have become my resource to initiate and finish most things and if I get a little loose in making sure that I make that list then I see so many things just never make it to the end. That's a good way to say it my internal filing system is all out of whack. My husband asks me every night when the dinner will be ready to eat because he takes medicine accordingly and I stumble over those times every time. I try to think ahead and just add more time than what I think because it is never finished when I think it will be. He doesn't quite get that lol, at least not yet. I think having to do it though is probably good for me. I have also been setting reminders on my phone when I remember. Maybe that is something I need to write on my lists...reminders about setting reminders lol.
  5. Thank you Sue my PT told me to be sure to include rest time in my daily tasks one time. I sometimes just get caught up and it catches up to me. That's great advice.
  6. Goal setting and accomplishing is a very difficult task for me (It's a stroke thing from the cerebellum). I started out in Speech Therapy by writing my goals for each hour of the day. Pretty micromanaged but a necessary evil. I find myself having the same difficulties again. Thinking, writing notes, planning ahead which is great to do but for me going through my day can feel like a yo-yo. So I have decided to refocus on my daily goals. I haven't yet started speech again but I have a Dr. order that I can and honestly the Speech Therapy helped me the most over all. I have real trouble planning and with timing. I can think all day about what I will make for dinner but I have found myself going back to the same stuff that I've tried to lasso in. I have to plan my meal in steps and follow my plan. I find myself looking at the clock at 8 pm and thinking again about what I am making while my family's tummys begin to growl. I don't really understand how all this works in my brain...organizing, planning, set shifting, order, being timely...and a lot more. I don't know how it works but I sure know it doesn't work well. I always wonder if it will really get easier for me or will I have to micromanage my daily hours from now on. Time to start fresh and make a go of it. Bonnie(my ST) taught me what to do...now do it again. This is like my own little pep talk . Whatever works right?
  7. I have made my list but I am going to have to refer to this blog post for motivation. It's this low and I don't like it. I think because it gets dark so early now and it's cold and wet. Tracy this is for you.
  8. Fred you have officially made me speechless lol. I'd bet money you are right though.
  9. Its been about 3 weeks since my hysterectomy and I am feeling better and better. This time of year is hard for me though both before and after the stroke. 1st it's never been the same since my divorce and 2nd I had my first super set back just a couple of weeks before Christmas when I had a mega panic attack and had psychogenic stuttering constant for 1 and half months last year. This year it's all about the finances...barely making ends meet is hard during a holiday. Well I have decided I have to get myself out of this funk. The times I feel best are when I do things for me. So it's going to be Tracy time. I haven't worked out all the details yet but the first thing I'm going to do is make a Christmas wreath. I had so much fun making my fall wreath that I have decided to make this something I do as the year passes through seasons and holidays. I feel proud of it. I am also trying to get my speech therapy to happen again as my Neuropsychologist suggested. I really felt like I was improving so much while doing that I'm looking forward to it. I will be sure to see my family this year cause I love that as well. I didn't get to last year because of my setback. It was my choice but if something happens this year I think I'm making the choice of seeing everyone anyway. I feel like it will be better for me. I think I'm going to make some doable Christmas resolutions and enjoy the feeling I get when checking them off instead of New Years Resolutions that many times I don't accomplish. That is definitely pressure I do not need. Get an apple pie candle. Make some Christmas cookies. Put my wall tree up earlier. I have been putting a wall tree up for the past 2 years because my house is so small that I'm unable to put even a narrow tree up. But I like this wall tree. I decorate with new and different colors and it goes up in like 10-15 minutes lights and all....and comes down even quicker. I think Ill put out window wreaths this year. I'm going to make a list. Feeling better already. Take away so much pressure. What are your ideas?
  10. I went to my oncologist today and she said everything looks awesome and is healing up very well. She took a look at all my incisions from surgery and said they look great. I asked her about the one in my belly button and she sorta hesitated and said I don't think I made an incision in your belly button but lets take a look. I explained to her that had a tiny wee bit of bleeding from there on the first day home and then she oh yes I remember you had an umbilical hernia. I fixed that so it shouldn't be a worry anymore. I was so thankful. My PCP had told me that one day it will cause problems and one day it will have to be fixed surgically. Dr. Brown just fixed without me even asking her. She is a wonderful Doctor and thankfully all of my pathology reports came back and we caught this "thing" before it had time to change to cancer. This week my husband also got a new job making 2x +more than what he was making and we are in so much need for it. He has applied 100's of times for the past few months and just no luck until this job just came along and sat down in his lap. My Dad's brain tumor is benign. My daughter got a two dollar raise (unheard of!). My mom has found a friend kitty that just comes around sometimes and doesn't let you touch him...but this joy has replaced her sorrow for her beloved Basset Hound Lucy that she had to have put down this year due to inoperable arthritis and both her back legs could no longer work. My step Dad and my Mom were so hurt from losing her. She was their baby and they had her since she was a baby. It just made me happy watching her watch for this kitty and tenderly talking to him, making sure he has a full tummy...she named him Tom (I think he is the neighborhood cat and roams and may have a few homes.). I just feel happy inside. For me that is a major statement and I am so blessed.
  11. It's been about 9 days since I had my complete hysterectomy via Laprascope. So I have 5 incisions in my tummy...3 down low, one up high and to the right if you are looking at me and one hidden in my belly button. The recovery hasn't been very bad at all. I do feel like some alien being with 5 arms was messing with my insides. It still hurts a little when I move just right or sit up real straight or turn over in bed but it's tolerable. I have thought many times about my insides over the past week. I asked my Dr. so what falls into the empty space? Do my ovaries just float around or are they attached somewhere (they took my fallopian tubes). How does what is left stay upright? I have pondered about a strange disconnected feeling. Women you will understand I think and I hope. When we think of our nether regions it's like a trio. First you have the_____. Second you have the _____. and third you have the _____. So once you remove the 2nd or at least the part of it in my tummy I feel like I have an empty spot. It's a weird mind game my body is playing with me. My Doctor already told me that the intestines just have a little more room to do their thing. No matter if I know it still hasn't made the weird feeling go away. Sorry for getting so blunt but an example would be when I use the restroom (either or) something feels missing even though none of these processes have anything to do with each other. Weird huh? Anyways I can now acknowledge myself as a hystersister (made up name on net). Off all pain meds and steadily improving I can't ask for anything better. I am so happy that I will not be anemic and be visited by the evil monthly visitor anymore I could just sing and dance!!!!
  12. I just wanted to let those who knew about my surgery That I am doing well and the surgery went really great. They were able to do laproscopic and they found no cancer! My Doctor didn't expect a good outcome so she was really pleasantly surprised. That is all for now i'm pretty loopy from the pain med. :hug:
  13. It's been a mostly uncomplicated week and it's getting cooler. I have been doing a lot of "things" keeping my mind off THE DAY. I really have done well. Today I feel it a bit. The unanswered questions about what they will find. Will I have laparascopic or will they have to do an open incision surgery. I won't know until I wake up. I've had to be off my aspirin to prepare. I just don't want to go backwards (stroke wise) and I'm afraid of having another. I don't want to have to fight even the thought of cancer...I've been trying self pep talks. I have been through and survived a lot and I am not letting this pull me down. I honestly just can't wait until it's over. The time before is really hard. At least after I will know exactly where I stand. Otherwise I'm super excited about no periods that are killing me and no anemia. I might find some energy. You never know.
  14. HostTracy

    blank mind

    Kelli I read your post with much interest and wanted to give you the best answer I can. FOr me I remember before, I remember the stroke, and I remember everything but maybe one week after. I know one thing I took a lot of things for granted and never in a million years did I think that those things could be taken away or changed (touched even). I've had ADD for a very long time so I was used to being scatter brained and forgetful. I also had mood changes before and sometimes had a lot of energy and sometimes had very little. I do know I was busy...working 8 hours a day on my feet. Money issues and stress. At times I have had depression. But I was the smiler...the lady that made you smile as well. Doing that gave me energy. I was too busy a lot of times to enjoy the little things around me. Even the weather, trees, animals, socializing (I was tired), a bed, my car. I just went through a lot of life just making it and a lot got lost during. I loved music and dancing! I was humorous at times, I loved holidays, liked to have a cocktail every once in a while. My daughter and I would have dancing nights. Yes this well 40-43 at the time twerked and booty clapped I had rhythm, and pretty good movement that was smooth and undulating. I felt that I could voice what I needed to and not afraid. I felt like I understood usually what others were trying to tell me, or how my relationships with other people were. (This includes family) This was before the stroke. Things made sense to me even when I was neglectful of small details. Now I feel frustrated a lot. I do feel like I should be able to ____. It makes me sad when I remember what I used to could do and now I can't or not as well. I have said that I feel like I'm on a different plane than others. I get confused and sometimes I don't even know I am. I feel alone a lot even when people are beside me. Time is harder for me. I need more now to do what I used to. My body doesn't move fluidly, I don't like loud music and I just don't enjoy it as much. I do what I call a stroke dance when I feel a beat and my body wants to move...no more twerking, booty clapping, or tootsie rolling. My body will not do them. I am very quiet now, subdued. This is different than before. I sometimes stutter when I try to say things especially if I am talking to someone I love and it's important. Because I am afraid. I'm not really sure what I am afraid of really. I waddle (ataxia) and it looks weird and I wonder if I look weird doing it. I have real trouble making a plan and carrying it out. I feel I disappoint others sometimes;but, I also feel blessed in a way I had never before. I feel so happy to see the sun, I feel like a child when I see my parents, I see the trees and they are beautiful. I notice the wind when it blows the leaves. I watch other animals in awe sometimes. I feel accomplished by smaller things. I love my bed! I want to learn more about me instead of customer service...me service. I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be. I am slower and life is slower than once before. I feel so blesses that I can drive a car and that I have one to drive. I feel proud of the new things I have learned. It's just a combination of things. To me there is no clear answer. I feel different but the same. I still say it is like I am me but the world is different...it's a different plane. The rules are not exactly what they used to be but mostly they are the same. I hope that any of this makes sense.
  15. Thank you Yvonne that is a good thing to keep close at heart.
  16. Lin those are a couple of good news I can deal with. I guess I haven't cared as much about hair on my legs since I stroked but on occasion I just need a pick me up and primp. What an easy way to get a pick me up LOL. I think also the Health record idea is great and we should all have one. It will be something I incorporate into my routine. Thank you!!
  17. Thank you Sue. I think I have decided not to do make ahead meals. I'm just too tired ya know. I get overly tired just making one meal. I have a couple of almost ready made stuff already in the freezer and I'm ok with that. I am tired reading all my plans too Sue LOL.
  18. I haven't written in about a week...been trying to grasp all the things that have happened in the last week. The count is on...just 10 more days until surgery day. I think it's going to be a long wait but I guarantee it will be here quicker than I expect. Especially because I would like to prepare somewhat: Make ahead dinners, easy stuff for me when I'm here alone, get the washing all done and the house in good order, place things near my bedside because i think the first few days I will feel kinda icky. You know just things that can come in helpful for me or my family during that time. I have my pre-op appointments on the 2nd of November for the Oncologist and Anesthesia. I am trying not to forget anything that might be important for them to know. Time to get out my list maker. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I don't think about it. I am so afraid of pain I think because I feel it all the time and the worse it is the worse my anxiety is. I am afraid of blood clots and any dangers of having another stroke. I just keep telling myself I have to do this. It will cause cancer if I do nothing the cells have already started changing. I want comfort food already I hope I can think of something good that freezes well...or my mom. :crying: She is only an hour away but when I feel scared that is who I want. I've been coming up with to do ideas probably for after I am more healed but it keeps my mind busy. I am going to make my old mini blinds into Roman Shades (via an instructional video on the web), make a new holiday wreath, put down brown grocery bags as weed barrier right in front of my house and shrubs, do some painting in the house, work on my recipe book presents for my family and several others. It's a bit ambitious but one thing at a time and I'm not forcing time limits on myself except for the wreath and recipe books. I'll probably write again before I have IT done and write updates. Going to figure out how to use my I-pad to hang out here and check up on all of you. A little less than 10 days and counting...
  19. Very great story that warms the heart. Things like this really help you see that there is good all around you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is accept help. Jay enjoy your celebration dinner with your company and think of these moments as a pay it forward. You just happen to be in the receive seat for now...I know that those who really appreciate such things do good for others. What an uplifting story.