HostTracy

My Gynecologist sent me an email that tells me he has gone over my pathology results from the D&C with Hysteroscopy last week and they found Endometrial Hyperplasia WITH Atypia. His says this means Hysterectomy and that I will need to see a Gyn Oncologist. It means that the Endometrial Cells are morphing toward Cancer cells. It also means that I would have to get a Complete Hysterectomy with Pathology during and depending on results lymph nodes removed. I think I read 29% lead to Uterine Cancer and 17-59% co-exist with Uterine Cancer. Yes I'm scared.

I've been trying to keep myself busy and my neighbor has a fall wreath that gave me inspiration to make my own. It only took about 3 hours and cost only about $18. I am pretty proud of it.

Yvonne you know I would if I could...it produced in June and then I just kept cutting back the flowers and trailers because slugs were eating all of them. I sprayed each of my plants with neem oil but this does not deter slugs. I found out via the Internet that diatomacious earth will do the trick so next year I may have plenty to share. I'm trying to over winter the strawberries, herbs and Lilies. I'm trying to do that whole organic thing and stay away from chemicals.

For several weeks I looked forward to my appointments with my psychologist. He helped me find ways to challenge myself when it came to dealing with stressful things. He helped me see strength where I felt very weak. I began to use these thoughts in my everyday life and I was doing it. Standing my ground, speaking up, forgiving myself, learning that real expectations are not finite. I began to come out of my comfy shell a bit more. Visit family and seek stimulation...this is when I started gardening. Along with my therapist I had found a way to release built up goobly gop. I used my hands and moved the earth turning it and preparing it just for myself. It was hard work but I could visually see my progress and while I did I could feel the sun on my face and hear the birds sing, watch the trees as the wind rustled through them, meet my neighbors which took time to admire my work. It felt good, it felt right...I could recharge. Each week I visited my therapist and we talked about a lot of things and I could see myself responding. Each week I did a little more on each side of my porch until after a month I had dug up the grass and removed it, turned the soil to loosen it, hand tilled the dirt to add air, hand tilled some compost in to make it ready for growth. I decided after a long strenuous month to just lay red mulch down and it was beautiful. I did it all on my own. I made it look beautiful. I decided to buy a few herbs and plant up two pots that would sit on either side of my porch. I planted the herbs in a long planter, the mint in a medium round planter, had a strawberry plant that I planted in a basket with a coconut liner, and two large pots that I planted small bright green sweet potato vine on each side of a Catherine Woodbury Daylily and scattered purple wave petunias all in the front and between the vine and daylilies. I fed each one and watered and gave each the needed tlc every day to start them out well. Pretty soon I had new mint plants coming up, taller and thicker herbs (lemon thyme, italian parsley, oegano, sweet basil, and rosemary), my big planters were filling out and the strawberry plant was producing beautiful delicate pink flowers. In therapy, I noticed some things that I was doing differently and that I felt good about them. I was learning how my reactions to those around me affected me. I was learning to learn about myself and that it was a good thing. My husband soon changed jobs and I had to quit seeing the same therapist because my new insurance didn't cover it. I have missed him dearly. I realize everyday that I still have a lot of work to do...on me...on the new me. Financially we are unable to get me back to a psychologist right now but my Neuropsychologist said I should see someone on a regular basis and not stop. I will be soon enough and I am already looking forward to it...

Thank you for that Sue. I think that is a good thing to write and read when Me or anyone of us goes through a tough time.

After my stuttering incident, I noticed that I had slipped backwards quite a bit. My emotions were all over the place and I honestly stayed away from family and friends for quite a while. During the beginning of the stuttering I had postponed my therapy, PT and Speech. I know I definitely should have stayed in speech it probably would have helped but I felt so out of control every second of the day that I had huge anxiety from it. Everything that I had been working on slowly slipped backwards. My scheduling which I had been very successful at just was so hard now that I know I avoided it. Walking every day was routine but even that became less and less. I was more off balance, more tired, more stressed, more of everything I didn't want to feel. It was a depressing time. I kinda closed myself off to the world. I finally started to go to a psychotherapist and slowly started to regain my senses and sense of worth. It became my once a week very needed letting go. I really got along great with my therapist and even threw my shoes off and plopped up on the couch every time. He did the same threw his shoes off and plopped up into his big comfy chair. This stroke had changed me in a way...made me timid, quiet, broken. There is no time for that in my fast paced world. I had to learn to slow down though and forgive myself, stand up for myself. I had to learn to put myself first. Seems so easy right? I still struggle. This very logical thing has me twisted and tied all sorts of ways a lot. This is where I realized the stroke didn't cause everything I was going through. Some things I had felt before and if I'm great at anything it's denying there was ever a problem to begin with. Dealing with pre-stroke "stuff" along with dealing with the extremes of the stroke (paralyzing anxiety, emotional lability, to much coming in I can't filter it so I would get very overstimulated. Sometimes I just wanted to scream. The utter exhaustion kept my voice low and quiet...

Well ladies it is all over, I', back home and have slept the most incredible 6 hiurs! Everything went just fine and I'll have all results from biopsies from endometrial tissue in no more than 3 days.Yay!!!!! I will tell you a funny storry and it was all a strokey moment. Because my procedure was with a gynecologist specialist they require every woman to have a pregnancy test. So I went to the bathrrom with my little collection cup in hand sat on the nearby table and sat down.....and peeeeeeed. In the toilet. I looked back up at the cup and just closed my eyes angry at myself. So I did the wobble, shake, press om ny bladder, whatever I could think of and I got exactly 1 drop. The nurse had to hook me up to a saline push to get me to go again which took an hour and held everyone up who were waiting for me. OOPS

Guess what came today!!!!!! I'm sooo excited and have already drank a bottle of nice cool water and gave my kitty some too.

Thank You Sarah for the encouragement. I've already told my doctor that if they find one thing thta is out of sorts to just get it all out. I'd much rather deal with menopause than deal with anemia, a stroke, and cancer. I think you are the first person to say hey Tracy you'll be fine and glad when it's over. I really appreciate the support.

Kristen I am really glad it worked for you so well. At least at this point I can't say that I will ever try it. I just know I won't right now. But it's good to hear positive experiences.

I go in for a same day surgery to help with a female problem I am having. Not everyone wants to know about this so if you don't just stop now LOL. I have endometrial hyperplasia and it has caused for the past year and a half to bleed like I'm dying. I have only been not anemic once for 3 months in thta past year and a half. When I had the stroke my Hemoglobin was 7 and my hematocrit was 23 with 0 iron stores. Needless to say Iron pills do not help me so since about a month after the stroke I have gotten Iron Infusions about every 3 months. The time before last I was clearly not anemic and my iron stores were 112. I didn't have to have an infusion. One month later after having a 5 week long period (ofcourse way excessive bleeding) I am now anemic again. Just barely my hemoglobin was 12 and my iron stores are 60. I have a great Doctor and I insisted on him. Vanderbilt is so big that they make arrangements for you to see a Doctor in their practice. They are all top of the line but I like my Dr. and they have made sure that is who sees me. When I first came to Strokenet I talked a little bit about it and at the time was thinking I was going to have a hysterectomy. Many of you spoke up and were I think bothered that I would choose a hysterectomy. I actually was told it can be treated with an IUD that secretes Progestin. But I am terrified of anything hormonal going into my body plus I already take a whole medicine cabinet of meds and this was just one more thing I would have to deal with. The reason I am so afraid of Progestin was 2 weeks before my stroke I was given Medroxyprogesterone to stop my period. It wouldn't stop and I had become dangerously anemic. The day after i finished my last pill I had a stroke. I think anybody in my position would feel the same way. My Dr. listens to me and hears my fears and gives me options that no one else has. He said he work with me every few months if he has to doing D&C and hysteroscopy to ensure cells are not changing. I have an increased risk of cancer and he wants to be thorough. He said he will do all this and there will be no IUD and no hysterectomy. I pray that I find some relief after this week. I can't explain to you how it felt to be extremely anemic and having had a stroke. I was so weak, never a coma or paralysis but a weakness, tiredness that I can't explain. I will refuse hormone replacement therapy if I ever have to have a hysterectomy or when I go through menopause. I know for many you want understand. Losing those hormones can make you feel like you are losing your mind...I remember my mother and all she went through. I will refuse it anyway. It terrifies me...it scares me literally to death. So Wednesday is S day and a new adventure begins...

Thanks for the support Asha!

Thank you so much David. I found my "thing" today to stay calm. I am making a really workable file system and have been sorting papers lots of them. I am now very excited about it and look forward to finishing it. I will feel so proud...now that is something my cooler will never do.

For the past month I have anticipated the arrival of something new, something for some reason I have held onto like a child waiting for a present to arrive. It's actually my daughter's but she got it for all of us to use. A water cooler that has immediate cold or hot water come out of its spigot when you press a button. That means no more buying big packs of bottled water, if I want hot tea I can just push a button and the hot water will flow into my cup and all I need is a tea bag, oh and there's hot chocolate, cold water when I'm hot or even room temperature water when I fill up the Keurig. It was supposed to be here on Sept. 7 and then I called Costco and said no one came so they called and reached out to me and said it will be tomorrow the 8th. Seems the type of cooler I ordered had not come in yet. The 8th passed and still no cooler. :crying: I was utterly let down and the next day I was determined to talk to someone. I called Costco again and they gave me a number to call. It was in another state but I talked with a very nice gentlman who assured me it would be here on the 13th. Another day with no delivery don't they understand that my body is going through craziness just waiting :Jumpy: . He then said that the person was sick that day and now it is scheduled on the 15th. Did it come? NO NO NO I called the very nice gentleman back and was not as nice as him this time...he kept apologizing and said he had been told it would be delivered. He will not be working tomorrow but he is going to get his assistant on it and she will call me and he will call me on Saturday when he is back at work. I am still waiting today trying to be calm :microwave: ...

Thank you for the encouragement Yvonne. My mom told me it's ok if I fall apart. She will come with me and we can do it together. I have such good memories of my Uncle Darrell when I was little he had a pure black Dachshund named Spooky. I also used to baby sit their children all the time. I feel so much pain for my Aunt Sherry she is not taking this so well. Her Dr. gave her some medication to help calm her nerves, but she has been right by his side everyday trying to make each day count. Just keep your loved ones close...you never know each day.

I'm going to do it Sue. Even if I fall apart.

I think about myself today and see me just a different me. I see the people around me different. I see the world and what I am in it as different. Different than before. I forget sometimes just how blessed I am to be breathing and having this day to write my thoughts. I went to family event Saturday, my Great Aunt Elaine's 90th Birthday. I didn't know a lot of people there. I do know my Aunt Sherry and she came but just for a little bit I din't really get to hug her or talk to her. I watched from afar as my older cousin hugged her and wouldn't let go. I could tell thta both theses grown women are sobbing. I know why but it triggers such terrible emotion in me that I froze and just watched. My Uncle Darrel (Aunt Sherry's husband) has been battling cancer. It first struck his lung and threw a clot while they were on vacation in Florida. It became DVT and his leg swelled horribly. He was at the hospital in Florida for longer than their vacation was supposed to be. Once they came home ad settled in it threw another clot this time affecting his lungs. It was shortly after that we found out he had cancer. We watched and prayed and hoped that the chemo he was receiving would get him into remission and it did!!!! For several months Darrel was in remission and my Aunt and our family were so grateful and relieved. At his one year check up they found 2 more lesions. This time it was in his brain (one of them was on his brain stem). So he started a rigorous treatment with radiation to try and shrink the tumors before going on to chemotherapy again to hopefully rid him of this evil monster again. My uncle was a trooper...he shaved his head before all the hair fell out and was putting up an admirable fight. He has been on steroids to help his energy levels because the treatments are so robbing for him. This drug though gave him energy to enjoy some things has blown his body up like a balloon. I've know for a while that he looks bad. You can just see it. I talked with my mom this morning and they got bad news, the radiation had done nothing. There was no other treatment to use. No surgery, no chemo, no magic pill. He has 6 months they say. I know I must make the effort to go and see him soon. I know my emotions and sadness are going to be thick that day. I know I won't be able to keep it inside. I'm afraid...

Hopefully I won't have any "realbif" panic attacks again!!!! LOL

Figured out why I have been sooooooo oof. I forgot to put my Effexor XR into my weekly pill box and I haven't taken it all week!

Pearls I did not try that but it's brilliant!