HostTracy

Pam I am thinking about you. You are one of the bravest survivors I know...you always give me inspiration. Praying for you...the procedure, the results, the next step if any. I hate I can't be there to hold your hand...know I'm there in spirit. (((Hugs))) <----- (I got this tip from Sue 😁. It's a warm fuzzy virtual hug! Thanks Sue!)

Asha I wish your group is a blessing as well. We all need comradery and friendships. I think age is only a number and that inside many of us at different ages are very relatable. Kudos to you and your group!

Sue your writings are so relatable for so many and yes I agree so much that you are a HUGE support on this site. I hear you. I'm a bit different but still the same in a way. I have spent the whole of my life doing for others. It has given me much pleasure many times. However, even though I'm younger I am sort of alone. I mean I have my family somewhat near. My daughter lives about an hour away. I live with my dad and stepmom. So there are plenty of people around me. Yet I am still alone. I do this to myself in many ways...the stroke has left me very anti social. I miss companionship and friendship though. I don't like the quiet either. You know the time when you can hear all the other stuff happening around, sounds that make you nervous, or even my own thoughts are loud and intrusive. I turn on a fan at night just for the sound. I miss talking to friends, making plans with my friend, supporting each other as friends, sharing lots of things. I also miss having the company of another. (Relationship, love, companionship) I miss the quiet times when I used to not need a fan to fill up. The closeness of another. The ability to not hear as much on the outside, moving around me, living around me, doing things around me. Not that they were not there but silence is quieter when there is no one there to be in it with you. Sometimes I really feel this way when I am driving too. I have a Bluetooth speakerphone in my car and I find myself dialing my friend, my family, my daughter, my mom (I feel like I drive her crazy. I call her every day sometimes several times in a day. I even called her in the dead of night to tell her I was throwing up just because I needed to hear her...talk to her. It's such a double edged sword for me...I long for another yet I also am flooded with overstimulation around another...I miss companionship but I don't want to be around people many times...I long to spend time with another and yet doing so drains me from neurofatigue. I don't find solace. I am so glad that I have comradery here. It is one way I can fill those moments like the fan. As far as needing help...I do need help at times...I thankfully can usually get that help but I am aware that the longer I am needing the less my chances are to receive. It's knowledge I wish I was unaware of in a way. I'm not ready to think about it. I know this time must be hard for you. I am here as your friend...anytime you need. God bless.

Thanks for the support my friends. Happy December, Holidays, or whatever you celebrate!

Hope...Sue it's that word. It means something more. I wish for us all to gran it and hold on. Thank you. Janelle thank you, for so many things, I feel good inside hearing your comment. I'm so glad I am here and have you and so many others to talk with, share good or bad, to simply have have as my friend (regardless if we are 1/2 a world away)! (((Hugs))) <---- Sue I am copying your hugs...I like your version! 🙂

Thanks Heather. I sure hope so. 🙂 I know that's what my next goal is.

Exactly what my plan is! I actually will have to have my mom oversee my finances per judge decision. I'm sure this will probably help even more.

Sounds like an exciting travel adventure Asha. So glad you got to enjoy it!

On 11/29/2018 at 1:33 PM, ksmith said:

I accidently deleted Tracy's post, the one I quoted, sorry . I meant to do only mine and I stepped in dog poo.. oops sorry 

Kelli you are the sweetest. Sorry about the dog poo! 💩😷

😁Kelli it's a club...a special club.

Thank you guys. I feel the same way as you. I feel better already making the decision to go on a journey with no pressure. Just for me. 🙂 When I get going I'll be sure to share with everyone here. I'm not going anywhere. Hugs!

LOL Janelle I have no idea but that is an excellent suggestion. I think I am going to begin this new journey as a journey and not an income source. I already feel the pressure and I haven't even started. If it becomes more then great! I am going to look into the Dummy book! Thank you!

Well said...congratulations on your 5th stroke anniversary!

You're much braver than I feel I would be. I've said it before...you are an inspiration!

Wow Pam that was excruciating to read. Put through the ringer not once but 3 times? Sending you hugs...you are brave my friend. After all of this I still am so excited for you. I pray that this zapper does better than even studies expect. For you! 🙂 Keep us informed! 💕

Thank you so much Kelli! I feel like I can express myself so much better writing rather than talking. 🤓 I spoke with another very nice lady who reads and watches a blog and vlog that I also read and watch. It is about planning, being productive, and how to use a planner to help you. She has ADD. I thought about you and I. We both had ADD before stroke...having ADD after stroke well I've said it before...ADD on steroids. I talked to her about how my 2 speech therapists worked with me to utilize a paper planner and that planning month to month was not going to help. It needs to be a daily planner. In my case, hourly. We very much related to one another. ADD and ADD/stroke that caused loss of executive function. 😵 At this point I have no idea why this thread made me think of this lol. I'm not sure what my point was. So instead just thank you!😁

Thank you Heather. I can only imagine but understand what you are saying about your mom. Bless her. I think it's a few things ingrained in our lives that keep us from asking for help. I wish I could say that I had the ultimate"aha" moment. But I am pretty familiar with me lol...but you are right learning I can ask for help and it's not an imposition. I think I will remember this. 🙂

You are welcome Sue! 😁 You know what is funny is that I can't remember what I said or when...I was ready to say absolutely agree with your post Sue. LOL It must be that I have shared this with you guys. I also think what you will be doing seems really cool! I love it!

So stoked for you and your family Kelli! I agree Sue, Kelli you do have a wonderfully adventurous spirit! Ok so a baby boy!🤗 I'm curious, what will the little bambino call you? 🤔 Let's see there is Granny, Nanny, Mimi, Gigi, Mima, hmmm my nieces and nephews use Gaga, Granna, Nana... There are lots more I'm sure! 😁

Sue this is a lovely blog post. You are so right...we often forget how others have had much harder times in general, even we did lol. Remember when there was nothing you knew of internet or web, or a cell phone, a working bathroom? I do remember most of those days when I take the time to ponder them. All except a working bathroom. It's interesting, I grew up in a new house with at the time modern conveniences...be it the kitchen was a not so pleasing now mix between avocado and mashed green peas lol. I thought it was great at the time. We even had a dishwasher! Mobile of course...we rolled it over and hooked it to the kitchen sink when needed. My grandmother, however, was not as modernized. Her washer was a tub washer with rollers to remove the water. Her dryer was the clothes line. Her dishwasher was her hands, her hot water for the clawfoot bathtub was a water warmer that looked like a speaker that was placed in the bath water and warmed before taken out and us kids climbing in. She made the best biscuits I have ever eaten...every morning. She made everything from scratch. I hold those memories dear. I am a country girl. Live in the south (United States), grew up never seeing a neighbor's house unless we drove by it down the road, my mom worked 3 jobs to take care of us kids (she was divorced from our father), my aunt and uncle were like my second parents because they kept me all the time. They were older...no children themselves. I grew up around cows, chickens, a tobacco barn, swimming in the creek behind the house, making forts and houses inside the hay barn, canning, milking cows, working a vegetable garden, BlackBerry picking, and fields all around. I was little and life was simple. I feel so excited and curious to experience different places and styles of living. I really enjoyed your post. Thank you and best of wishes at your medical appointments. 🙂

I think so. Guess what! Today I had to go to my mom's and sister's office (real estate office) and I told them how I was feeling. My sister, the always ask one, just smiled and said you never say a word. I agreed with her, it's true. I told her I wasn't jealous or just out to get something because I feel entitled but I know I really need a bed, tv, etc. My mom said "You have a bed." I told no I didn't that I left it at dumb dumbs. She said yes you do, it is upstairs in my brother's house. She kept it for me. 😭It's a queen and will have to get new sheets but OMG a bed!!! <---- ugly crying. People can't read my mind. Have to make this a new truth for me. Why do I not realize that? Anyways, I just wanted to share my warm family moment today. 😊

I do too. The day after 4th of July. The anxiety begins to rise before and of all things 4th of July comes and so do fireworks! Yep by the 5th I am done for lol. It's like a week long recuperation. 😵

Ruth you are an inspiration for me and I know many more here...a blessing to William. I'm so glad you are finding peace...and rest. 🙂

Exactly!!!

Yep it does Janelle. I feel so much like I owe others something because they have helped me during this. I put on a pretty ok mask. I don't ask for things...even if I should. That IS my fault. I believe my mom and sister would help me in any way they can. I suppose it's a part of me that I hide...that I need help. I hate even saying it. I'm having a breakthrough...must make note to tell my Psychologist lol. You guys are the best.