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Stroke Survivor - female
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About tmciriani

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    Chief Mentor
  • Birthday 12/02/1971

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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  1. I would say the same as Becky. I'm 3 years post stroke and I have had pretty severe GAD with panic attacks (anxiety attacks) since then and have to be medicated. I think if you are then some cognitive therapy to help you with coping skills when you feel the symptoms could be really helpful. Meds are not always a good answer cause they make you so tired but new coping skills could really make a difference. It does sound like anxiety to me...same as Becky crying is always a part of it. Best of luck!
  2. Thanks Kelli for the pep talk. I really do appreciate it them. I know you don't have to but it does brighten my day. Sometimes I just talk to let things go and you are never one to say well just don't do that or just don't feel that way. I feel ok just being me at the moment even when it is back and forth (a lot!). Thank you.
  3. Part of my problems after stroke are psychiatric in nature. It really upsets me to be so strongly affected by every little thing. It is an emotional rollercoaster even without any physical stuff at a moment. As I said before I haven't been feeling well and have been really tired on top of post stroke fatigue that never went away. My dad woke me up screaming this morning around 6am that my cat had puked a lake on the floor and I had better get up and clean it up. I told him I would clean it but was still half asleep and fell back to sleep. I had my alarm set for 9 this morning and I got up and put some clothes on to drive and meet my step dad for a moment. It was while I was dressing that I heard the angry scream from my dad to get in there. So I took some carpet spray and a handful of paper towels with me as I headed for the back door. Just as I was about to clean up the spot he told me that the next time I don't get up when he calls me that he was throwing my cat outside that he wasn't living in filth. So sometimes my mouth says what my thought is before I can make a judgement whether to say it or not. My stepmom is a (clean) hoarder. She won't throw anything away or donate anything except food and truly gross stuff. So I said " You already live in filth everyday." Then told him again I was sorry and that I hadn't felt well. He screamed well I don't feel good either (my dad just found out he has lung cancer). I told him I knew he didn't and I had not said a word to him to fuss about anything. So I finished cleaning the spot and threw away the dirty paper towels and then headed for the door upon which he screamed "Now where are you going". I let him know I had to meet my step dad and would be back in a few minutes and left. Of Course the tears start falling as soon as I shut the door. I cried all the way to the grocery store. My step dad said he was sorry my dad cans I wore fighting. He also said that October is not that far away (my disability hearing). But then said you are going to have to get yourself together and only you can do that. I hope you get good results from your hearing but if not then you'll have to do what you need to do and work and get out on my own. I just told him I know. I wonder why I see my Psychiatrist every 2 months and still have panic attacks. Or why I take depression meds, anxiety meds and ADD meds everyday. I just need to get it together. Right? Right. Invisible. No matter how hard I try. Can't help but feel that way sometimes.
  4. Heather, I made it. I did ask the girls if they would sit quietly keeping themselves busy watching a tv show for an hour so I could rest for a bit. The girls said oh no worries Tracy we'll be right in here...take a rest and let us know if you need anything. They are 11 & 12. It was just what I needed to reenergize my batteries a bit. Got up and made my Dr. appointment for the 30th, battled a debt collector who was very rude to me on the phone (I called the Dr. Office where the bill originates and explained I have my new paperwork for financial assistance ready to fax and I needed the total of my bills for one of the answer boxes which she nicely got for me. I then told her about the very not nice lady I had just spoken with and she reassured me that once they receive my paperwork they will fix it and to just ignore the nasty woman and not answer if I didn't want to.) She was so nice that I sorta cried a bit thanking her. She reassured me not to worry. That was my little melt down but I came out feeling ok after. I faxed my paperwork in and it was time to take the girls to my sister. Bad mornings don't always mean bad rest of the day👍👍. I am not going to worry myself about the throat issue...I'm just going to take it one step at a time. I have been feeling the relief from doing that about other things. I'm just going to do the same. 🙂
  5. I Dont Feel Good Today

    For the last 2 nights I have fallen asleep around 7pm and woke up for about 30 minutes before going back to sleep. Each night sleeping 11 hours. I had a Dr. Appointment yesterday due to some chronic hoarseness I have been experiencing since January. She poked all around my larynx area (painful) and I showed her a lump I have on my neck (wasn't sure it was there but she says yes it is and the Dr. needs to know)(she is a voice therapist-part of my treatment). Anyways, I'm thinking great. Now we go forward to last night around 12 and I woke up feeling sick...neck pain, muscle aches and joint pain, headache, sore throat, general Ill feeling. I was also extremely tired so I went back to sleep until 8 this morning. Today my sister's step girls are here while she and their dad are at work and my patience is low. My stepmom is at the dentist having 6 teeth pulled and a lower denture plate placed in. My dad now with his diagnosis of cancer tells me to help my stepmom today and complains about the girls warning their ego waffles in the toaster. The nurse calls from the ENT office and tells me to make an appointment with my PCP first about my neck and then we'll go from there. I have already cleaned the kitchen because I do that. My stepmom left a bag of dirty clothes next to the downstairs door and that means wash them. I am nauseous and my fingers feel swollen and I feel like crap. I just want/need to lay down and rest. Oh and I have to take the trash out. Lord please give me the energy and the patience to get through the day.
  6. Nancy I too have experienced similar moments in my life probably before and after my stroke and I understand the loss of patience and a sense of self preservation. I know especially after my stroke I have had to be aware and self protective because I'm already dealing with so so much. I still love others around me and have a heart and empathy...I know I just can't let things get in the way of my self care. My sanity depends on it. It doesn't always sound nice (im talking about myself here) but it sounds like you are advocating in a way that is self protective for you and Dan. I think you have done what you could when you could and in my opinion that is enough.
  7. I agree so much Pan. Every time I enjoy crafting I really feel good inside and it really is a great distraction. Is this collage the one we see in the picture above or similar? If it's a different one I'd love to see it. You know Every time I see anything from Betsy Johnson at the stores I think about you.
  8. Pam I wish I knew something I could tell you. All I can say is you are brave my friend.
  9. Thank you Pam we are optimistic. Today I didn't get fries while I was out but I got something I've been craving And local grocer ran out. Its called Lesser Evil Bhudda Bowl Foods Himalayan Sweetness EV organic coconut oil + Organic Popcorn + Himalayan Pink Salt. What a name. I don't feel guilty at all...organic, 100% grain, gluten free, Kosher, cholesterol free, a good source of fiber, vegan, non GMO, and no artificial anything. It has to be good for me! LOL !!! I'm still gonna get those fries soon.
  10. Fries are a great comfort food hahaha. I'm glad I have lots of friends to share in my comforting. Thanks guys.
  11. Jeri I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. Know that you are in our prayers.
  12. I feel the same
  13. Pam yesterday I totally went off track and got 10 chicken nuggets and a Dr. PEpper on my way to Nashville to my Dr. Appointment. I left off the fries thinking it was better that I not eat those too. Well I'm still craving those fries!!!! I should have gotten them but at that time I didn't know I had something to celebrate! My A1c was 6.9 in January and I found out yesterday that my A1c is now 6.3 Not that I needed to start off on the wrong foot but one thing I do not do is beat myself up for cheating. I'm honest. Mmmmm fries!!!!!? Kelli I would share with you. I also found out a little more about my dad. He has non small cell adenocarcinoma and it is extremely close to his esophagus which makes it inoperable. They are worried about 2 lymph nodes very close to the area and there is some sort of inflammation on his lower lung...He thinks from COPD and not cancer. They will have to do radiation and possible chemotherapy...small doses of radiation over a longer period of time so it will not damage his esophagus. Two good things...It is non small cell and stage 1...oh and the Oncologist says he should have a 80-85% chance of cure.
  14. Becky....I have wondered about all those folks.
  15. Thank you Asha. Yes I hope to know more tonight. They told my stepmom what kind of cancer but she can't remember so my sister is going with them today and take notes. Course of treatment will be dependent on the kind of cancer and staging. I have my hopes up that it was caught early. I'll write updates. Thanks.