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tmciriani

Stroke Survivor - female
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    1,222
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About tmciriani

  • Rank
    Chief Mentor
  • Birthday 12/02/1971

Contact Methods

  • Stroke Network Email
    Yes

Shared Information

  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
    07-05-2015
  • How did you find us?
    Google Search

Registration Information

  • First Name
    Tracy
  • State
    Tennessee
  • Country
    United States

Recent Profile Visitors

2,696 profile views
  1. Hi Darin, I'm glad you decided to talk about what has happened. Feeling alone or misunderstood is so hard. I can promise you that the good majority of the others here have felt that at one time or another. BTW you are a survivor...a stroke is a stroke is a stroke. Stroke's don't always have such a positive ending and I am glad yours has been the opposite. Stroke fatigue is very real and a huge part of what I have and still do struggle with. This site is a great place for information, message boards, chat, blogs, and generally great support. Welcome.
  2. Benni I missed this huge event! Congratulations fighting this monster and showing it who is boss!!!!
  3. From the Frying Pan to the Stove

    It's been a while since I've written a blog and been really active on the site. First of all I miss those of you I know here but I have been sort of recovering and regrouping after leaving Adrian and moving back into my Dad's house. There has been a lot of positive...my anxiety has been less, I have my own transportation, I am still waiting for the second round of disability decisions, I am close to family, my daughter is doing wonderful and is so good to me sending me $50 every other week to help me, I've been making my own choices, I even have my sleep so much better now getting to bed between 8:30 and 10. So many good things. Something has happened though 4 different times which I need to get off my chest. My Dad and I get along most of the time but he is a huge trigger at times and can evoke a pretty big anxiety attack in me at times. Once because he told me not to put my hair up in a pony tail anymore that my step mom had cut my hair and "the pony tail looked like *beep*". It was an immediate trigger and I couldn't stop the attack. I finally got to my room took my anxiety medication and finally fell asleep. A second time was him telling me "If that guy called right now I bet you would go back to him because you are stupid.". He wouldn't stop even when I begged him. I ended up half blindly driving to where my step mom is staying at my Grandmother's so I could calm down. Both of the other 2 times have been about my weight. I have gained 50 pounds since my stroke. I joined a gym a week ago so I can be healthier which hopefully will help my weight as well. He has called me fat, told me I don't care about how I look, told me he wouldn't leave me alone, to go ahead and cry until I can't cry anymore because he doesn't care, more times that I am stupid. I can't stay at the house when he gets like that because he won't stop and the anxiety attack just gets worse and worse. Each time I have gone to my Grandmother's...each time right in the middle of a pretty severe anxiety attack. It's wearing on me. I find myself just silent and to myself more and more. My Psychiatrist is concerned...he made the statement "You fell from the frying pan onto the stove.". He shows more compassion and care than any Doctor I have ever had and we talk about what my future plans are and he encourages me. I just needed to get this off my chest. My hope is that in the future I will live by myself and make all my choices and be free of the hot spots. It won't be perfect but I think I would feel so much better.
  4. Hi Jan glad you found this great site. Really great people here and lots of information...Boards, Chat, Blogs, Photo Galleries and you will find very understanding people here. I understand about the aphasia and stuttering too. It's been 2 years for me and I still get stuck on words atleast trying to get the word out of my mind and then out of my mouth. I also have a lingering stutter that happens a litlle all the time. Sometimes though I am really on top of things. I can say it has gotten better and better. Join in with posts and replys and join us in group chat it's like a little social group and we talk about what we experience and how we get through it. I think of the group as my friends. Making a blog is also pretty therapeutic. Welcome!
  5. Hi Sandra many of your points hit right at home for me. I have been a survivor for 2 years and it has gotten better slowly. My anxiety has to be medicated because it is so severe without meds (Causes intense panic attacks). Thankfully depression has slowly lifted not all the way but I am so much better ythan i was.I have had severe stroke fatigue and still do if I experience stressers or anxiety, I just wanted to let you know that your story relates to myself and I am almost certain many others. Time will be your best friend...be good to yourself and rest when your body tells you. I am wishing you all the best!
  6. Oh ouch Scott!! I'm glad it wasn't worse. I very much understand the next couple of days effects after a bump or fall...and bruising ugh it can be so big and for me lasts forever it goes through a ugly rainbow of colors before it finally fades. I seem to always have bruises here or there and I don't even know what has caused them. Let's hope that the next few days will not be too bad.
  7. Fred it is great to see you again!!!!!
  8. Thanks Sandy...feeling better each week
  9. Deric welcome...your story hits home. My stroke was in the cerebellum and I experienced most of your issues. The good news is that over time and it's been 2 years now I still feel progress it's just slow and not as obvious. I, like you, am overwhelmed by more than one person in a conversation and I find myself just quiet in those instances. One of the hardest parts for me is that accepting that I am not the same is so hard and I struggle with it still...you are not alone. I'm 45 and had the stroke when I was 43 and this is not how I envisioned my future. I guess I never thought about it too much...I mean before the stroke things came easy to me. It is still getting better. I wish you all the best in your future recovery. I also wanted to say this is a great site to learn, to listen, to vent, to join in on a post, to start a post, blog, picture gallery and even a scheduled chat.
  10. On my way to a healthier me

    Today I am officially a member of a health club!! My daughter is the best! I went into this big bright workout space and toured Planet Fitness. I go back at 1:00 today to go over what I am looking for and to make goals. I can't wait! This will give me several things. 1st and foremost working on getting healthier and with that I hope to lose the weight I have put on since the stroke and maybe even more. This is also a way for me to spend some of my day. I need so much to 'get out'. I have time everyday to work on my goals and just enjoy a new atmosphere all at the same time. I am so excited I just wanted to share!
  11. My 2 year post stroke anniversary was yesterday July 5th. So what does this mean now? It was a quiet regular kind of day. I suppose I am happy that it was. I'm not sure if I should just be thankful for a new day or look forward to something or some reason that this anniversary brings. What do you think?
  12. Kelli I am thinking of you. I hope you feel much better as soon as possible.
  13. Deigh I think I would enjoy anything you write. You have a way with words. Please do let us know when you finish it.
  14. Thank you to all of you. I don't feel quite as alone when you are all around. I'm going to try to keep positive and not rush for something. Things will start happening in my life and it can only go forward.
  15. Pearls I can so relate to your post. I think I have felt 99% of what you have and still do at times. This thing I had or this thing that took everything from me is without mercy. One of the biggest things I have found myself doing is defining my world again. It feels wrong, it feels foreign, I have asked myself how long I will feel this way. I wish I knew the answer. My first few months were much like yours I was just not in my head. Other people had to take care of me. I ave over time gotten better than I was. I have learned that defining my world happens with boundaries. Once I leave those boundaries I feel as scared and unusual as I ever did. I'm still trying to figure out who Tracy is. What does she like. What are her new dreams. What does she like and dislike. It's made me a bit closed minded to others around me. I am always trying to define me and sometimes that is all see. I have small things that I have decided belong to what I want, need, like and want to experience for myself. It can be as simple as my planner which I never carried before but now it is a part of me. I decorate it and spend time with it and work harder to make it work for me. I feel like finding those answers is slow but not impossible. I also think it is different for all of us. You are stronger than you realize ( someone said that to me recently ). We are victims who have spent multiple years defining ourselves and now without our permission it has all been changed. Where does it begin and where does it end. What do I accept as myself (even if new) and what do I fight to define myself. Your words spoke to me. All I can do is relate and tell you this is a journey not a destination. Know that I am here listening and supporting you. I send you lots of hugs and love and a hope that you are still ready to answer even a few of your questions. We will be with you.
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