HostTracy

Staff - Stroke Support
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About HostTracy

  • Birthday 12/02/1971

Contact Methods

  • Stroke Network Email
    Yes

Shared Information

  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
    07-05-2015
  • Interests
    Learning to love life, myself and me in it. Spending time with my cat "Kitty" aka Bubby. Spending time with my family. Learning what I love, learning acceptance is not giving up (only a process in the process of LOVE). Learning about the brain, humanity, and the truth that every person has intrinsic value. Learning to recognize my own value. Meeting and making meaningful connections with other survivors... giving back.
  • How did you find us?
    Google Search

Registration Information

  • First Name
    Tracy
  • State
    Tennessee

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HostTracy's Achievements

Chief Mentor

Chief Mentor (8/10)

  1. Thank you Heather! I will definitely look into that. Great to hear from you and I hope all is well.
  2. I'm publishing this today... seems I forgot to back in 2021! Hopefully, it is a full thought lol. It was over a year and a half ago! About a month ago, I decided to find a way to reach my 1st real boyfriend. He truly is my very 1st love and has never been far from my heart no matter what stage of life I was or am in. I spent $.99 cents to look up information about his brother's. I couldn't find anything about Richard (my 1st love) but I lucked out and found a number that I hoped would reach his brother Jeff. I called left a message to him and his wife and left my number and after almost forgetting my maiden name (Logue). He probably would have no idea who I was if I left that out. I wasn't sure that I called his actual number but believe it or he called late that evening. Jeff is my age and his brother Richard (my past bf) is a year older than me so he went with us often. I gave him my # to pass to Richard (that way Richard could decide whether to get in touch with me or not). Ten years ago, he had somehow found my work # and just called me one day out of nowhere. He said he wanted to talk to me but he wanted to in person. I was very busy with life at the time and I never called back to plan on meeting him. I have been curious ever since. A month ago, I decided "well I'm single, and I suppose my life has put me in a place where I want to make connections with others I care for in life. When we parted ways, we had been going through some really grown up issues for 2 teens (16 & 17). I truly have only prayed for the best in his life. I 100% still do. We have talked on the phone 4 times, just about ongoing emotional stuff we never had a chance to heal. Come to find out, at my great surprise, is that we have both felt the same draw. We both have dreamt of each other many many times. Even while I was married and he has been married since 2006. He is happy. I found a picture of him and his wife today online (OK so my curiosity got the best of me). He is so handsome and his wife is so beautiful. He is doing very well, lives in Fort Worth, TX. He has a super great job, his wife stays home at the moment, and they have about a 4000 square foot new house! He works for the US Treasury. I am so very happy for him and Dana. Weird stuff though, I have been crying so hard tonight. Heartfelt sad cries. I'm not even sure for what reason. I know we both have gone on with our lives and he is so blessed. I should be so happy. I mean I am but for some reason I can't stop crying. I don't know if I for some reason I thought maybe it is possible. I mean together. I 100% no better and it is not how I want to react. He is happily married in a very good place in life. Our realization that we both still hold each other in our hearts sort of floored me a bit. I never expected that truth to exist on his part. It has been cathartic connecting with him; but, it feels so raw like we are teens again. I think I am looking forward to my therapy tomorrow. I need to work on processing these emotions.
  3. It is nice to see the blogs back up! I have been quiet and to myself for quite a while now. I sure miss everyone so much. It has been much needed R&R for me and I just texted Dottie tonight that I am going to try and visit chat soon. Wow, it has been so very long since I have written a blog. I'm sure a lot has happened for everyone. For me, I'm just trying to truly take care of myself and to find positive ways to reduce my stress. Since May 23rd last year, I have been on a very exciting journey! With my Neurologist's insight, I made a huge decision. I had a cryptogenic stroke, so no cause found and in that case you need to really adjust all your modifiable things to be as positive as you can and to prevent another stroke. I had addressed every risk up until that point except my weight. My body, endurance and other issues due to the stroke have made it very difficult for me to lose weight. I decided last year, that I would have a gastric bypass for my health! So May 23rd, 2022... I did just that. My highest weight was 284 and my surgery weight was 263. Today, Febraury 14th, I am 160 lbs!!!! The goal was to increase my lifespan, decrease my risks and to really put my health first. I have already attained that goal so every pound now is icing on the cake (sugar free ofcourse). I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes Dec of 2018 and my A1C was 8.4 the day of surgery. The last time this was tested (about 4 months ago) my A1C was down to 5.4 and I know it is even lower today. I take 0 meds for Diabetes! My sugars are phenominal! My blood pressure med was halfed last month! I no longer take Nuedexta for PBA (I can't take it anymore but I am doing ok. One less drug!). In my mind I was hoping for some improvement of my stroke deficits. I knew better, and after 7.5 years I still am as strokey as I was before the surgery. I can move easier though, with less pain (which is huge)! I am better at coping with my deficits. I do still have PBA, central vertigo, and good and not as good days, still exhausted, still have ataxia, still get super "strokey" at night or when i have excess stress or anxiety, still have severe anxiety with panic attacks and off/on depression. My body's ability to move better, easier is so big though and I am so happy! I'm still on my losing phase as of now. We will see what I finally get down to. I've been doing youtube workouts that are not tough on my knees and also take into consideration my fatigue, disequalibrium, ROM, and are modifiable to what I need. I try to do something every day for my body. There are weird things that my mind doesn't reconcile easily like realizing how I can fit into sizes. When I hold up a piece of clothing I say to myself "I'll never fit into that". Shockingly, many times I do and could fit smaller! I am sure over time this will be more easy for me to recognize. OK, there are things that go along with rapid large weight loss... lose skin, deflated looonnnnggg boobs, rash under my (panicula-FUPA-belly apron as they call it) that I have to keep vigilant about. I'm not complaining at all though. Loose wrinkly skin, long defalted boobs & a rash is nothing. I have been through so much worse and my health is so much better!!!! Today, I am working to psycologically and mentally get to my best me. Part of that has been a need to go within and be present with myself, rest, heal and concentrate on what is the best for me right now. I am learning a lot about me. Getting in touch with my inner self, past trauma, and learning to reach for my best. Making ME a priority! I hope everyone that reads this can get something positive from it. I am learning who I am, what I like, what I don't like, healthy boundaries, and to put me first. I can't express that enough! Put you first. It is a must. You will be so much more for others when you put you first. You deserve it! All my love, blessings and positive vibes!
  4. Wow this brings ack memories of my daughter who basically became mom when i stroked introducing me to "new for me" activities. So the first time I got into a pool, Hailey took me to a wave pool (not such a good idea). I had my own rubber donut float which I had secure around my waist. It was nice getting into the water and feeling the cool of the water on a hot sunny day. Then the first round of waves started. I could see them coming.... I was not in control of my now floating body in a donut float. The waves battered me like a boat run aground on the beach. I screamed, I cried, I had a panic attack, I couldn't stand up, I couldn't direct where I floated (there were tons of people), I felt for the 2nd time "this is it". As the waves kept rolling out and eventually subsided my floating donut self was pushed with each wave closer to "shore" (ok wave pool shores are ouchy at least this ones... white painted concrete with texture) as my buns scraped the bumpy bottom over and over until they all subsided. Then... I sat there in the shallows crying with my donut around me not able to get up. Hailey found me and helped me up (not a pretty site lol). Needless to say I crawled to the waters edge where the small waves could reach my toes and legs. Hailey brought me a beach towel to use as a pillow and one for her too and we both lay there for a long while turning into crispy red lobsters. It certainly left me with a good story to share. One day I think I will try the real waves on the beach just maybe set my chair in its path. 🙂
  5. Lots of love thanks guys!
  6. HostTracy

    Christmas/Holiday Decor 2021

    Pictures of 2021's Christmas Decor, things old, things new, things made.... through Tracy's view!
  7. I am so much better at slowing down to smell the roses as they say.
  8. A wonderful way of thinking! Trust me it is much simpler to see, feel, grieve all the negatives but I know I have reaped the positves from opening your eyes, heart and head to your current circumstances and see/feel what you can get from that (the positive, new blessings you may have never paid attention to, the choice to find the joy).
  9. So familiar to me as well. I would be lying if I said I don't miss many of the things I took for granted before my stroke. One thing about relationships bothers me more than it should. I truly miss the intimate part of a relationship (not sex but holding, hugging, sweet words,etc). It feels lonely ( I am single now but not truly interested in persuing a new relationship as of this day and age). Recently, as I planned a trip to the beach with my mom and sisters I had to think about for the first time something that I wasn't sure about and I had anxiety even though I couldn't find out for myself just yet. I haven't walked on sand since before my stroke. After my stroke walking on anything that was not SOLID was an accident just waiting. My central vertigo would take this ability away from me. The nearest time I can remember being in s substance similar to sand was trying to walk in my father's freshly tilled garden a few years back. I had to go and retrieve something. My first step and I went down on my knees like I had just stood in quick sand and I swear I barely swam (that's what it felt like) out of that dirt! A friend of mine asked me oh can you stand well on the sand now and it dawned on me that I wasn't sure at all. That bothered me but you better believe I would be out there in the sand with one person on each side until we got to where I had a beach chair in front of the calming waves and get help up and back. We, unfortunately, didn't get to go due to Covid but I will someday. I will try my best and maybe I will surprise myself!
  10. You know Sue I think going through a stroke and surviving and everything I do now to be my best has taught me a lot about life, priorities, and fears. First, I am absolutely not afraid of dying... heck I layed on a floor and vomited my brains out one night while talking to death (stroke). It makes me realize how little I truly have control of and that it is my reaction to or of what is happening that makes the difference. I am truly thankful for this as it leads to much less anxiety about life in general. It has also helped me when processing truly very difficult times in my family i.e. my grandmother's, my brother's, and my dad's deaths. I think to others I may seem cold but it is not about not caring at all. I am just at peace with the knowledge that my loved ones earthly pains are no more and are with their loved ones who are in heaven happy and ok. My faith is strengthened. Priorities has been a harder lesson because it just takes time to come to an acceptance of yourself post stroke and that to embrace that is not giving up but still trying all the time and not letting things "bother" me unneccesarily (a real blessing too). Life is what you make it even if your making it looks way different from your past or the others around you. Finding the positive, making lemonade out of lemons, a cup half full, etc. It's not always easy but it feels better than soaking in the latter. I pray for everyone to find these truths for themselves whatever they may be... my hopes, dreams, happiness and self worth are mine and we are all so different (which is wonderful) for everyone. My acceptance of today and me today I reaffirm every morning because well it changes everyday. Remember find the positive and hold on, create what you can with what you have, and practice mindfulness and gratitude (works wonders just to do this). Happy Holidays all.
  11. Oh dear Becky I completely understand about not getting shingles. I, thankfully, have not had them personally but my previous manager from years ago developed them all over one side of her head and scalp. Suffering, painful, she couldn't wash her hair, she had to apply greasy ointment on everyday (she still came to work sometimes...tough lady). It was months and more months of residual pain and neurological pain. I think she took gabapentin for a good while. I am planning on my vaccine as soon as I can get it.