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HostTracy

Staff - Stroke Support
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Everything posted by HostTracy

  1. OK the house my mom and the renter showed me is more like a 3 room she shack lol. It is still not a no for me yet. It is still a consideration. Have to ground myself a little bit....look at what could be positive...not only see or feel the negative. This is my ongoing depression rearing it's head but my therapist is giving me tools to fight with. It is a single dwelling (no one on top or underneath me). It is on the same street I already live on believe it or not so my dad would be 4 housesdown. I would have a coop of chickens right beside me...I know Kitty would absolutely love that. (She can look out the window right where my washer and dryer could go...I tould be her new place). Yes I can put my washer and dryer in the kitchen which is very small but has a fridge, stove, oven, sink, a small work space and small cabinet area, no room for a table but lil ole me nah I can do without. It does have a little bit of yard and I can plant flowers or make a little sitting spot. I think I could fit my bed and at least a dresser or chest of drawers in the bedroom. The bathroom is really small and a little wonky (at least the shelves where towels could go). I don't think they used a level or it has settled but hey that's a project right. The shower (no bath) is small and a tiny bit sketchy but a good clean, some paint, a cute curtain and a shower head shelf could make it cute right? It has It has 4 windows and one window in the side door....ooh 5 windows (2 in the kitchen, one over the sink). It was a he shack prior and he left his curtains which were mismatched old towels. I can do much better than that. OMG this tiny little thing has 2! 2! outside doors like a front and side door. It does only have painted wood floors which are scuffed and cold but what about some really cute throw rugs! There are possibilities. I have to remind myself to see them. Besides it's not like it would be forever right? I can continue each year with approval on the voucher program and a lot can change in a year. I might find the perfect home. As Dory says "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!" fitting in my opinion.
  2. Becky thank you I'm looking into plan B, C, D, E, F... etc. It seems I've been so excited and looking forward to the possibilities that reality has been hard to chew. In my area, my meeting was this past Thursday. I won't even discuss how that went... let's just say my brain passed out quickly from the fastest talking woman in the world. After, I drove to the few apartments that I knew accepted vouchers. All of them said they had availability the day before but all had approved applications as of today. I talked to my THDA contact and he said they had 200 come to the meeting the day before me and another 200 the day I went. There were only about 10 people in my meeting so it must have been back to back meetings. I am nieve I suppose, I don't know. So it seems that the state of Tennessee has money to help people who need help with housing but the opportunity for housing to be available in your approved criteria is almost impossible. Needless to say, my stress, anxiety, fear, depression, hopeless feeling, etc. has gotten the best of me the last 2 days. I hate being like that... increased panic attacks and my ability to stay alert and awake are severely affected. Please, I know I should not let myself get down... I know I should think positive, I know everything that one may think I should do. I'm just saying this is where I am. The stroke left me with deficits that directly tie to emotion, mental health, and the ability to control how "things" affect me. Mind over matter is not in my vocabulary very often, trust me it is not by choice. I have 60 days to find a home in my allotted price range and no I won't give up... I am struggling mentally but I anticipate this will be the same during. Comfort. Soothe. Feeling emotionally safe. Calm. Security. Relief. All things my mind and body are desperate for during these moments. Air in my lungs... just breathe. I have to tell myself to do this a lot. I will be honest... I'm not ashamed that I regress back to that inner child, under the covers, squeezing my kitty (probably not to her delight), the undeniable need to be picked up and held and soothed. It's hard to be the adult... and realize or accept reality. I'm just explaining me. I don't want negative head space to invade any one else's positivity and I am not looking for attention or any reaction. Just letting out the inside. It helps me.
  3. Hello everyone I just wanted to invite everyone to come and join in at Room #2 Stroke Survivior Chat. I will be hosting Mondays and Wednesdays from 3-4 EST! 🙂
  4. HostTracy

    Interesting! Thanks Heather!
  5. HostTracy

    I second that applaud!!! Caregivers never get the credit they deserve imo. My daughter was 19 in college full time and worked full time and all at once had to care for me. I don't know where I would be today without her. The overwhelming responsibility of this trifecta still affects her life today. My baby quit school, got into a toxic relationship and moved out just to be left alone in a year. I can never repay her for her service and love to me. I am humbled every day. I love her to the moon and back! I am grateful and blessed.
  6. Scott everything looks positive meaning I should qualify with flying colors. I have been calling around today and looking online for housing in my price range... Which is very little and so far no occupancies. I'm going to try and stay positive... My personal housing advisor said he will be looking as well. 😬👁️🙏
  7. http://www.strokechat.net/ Hi Chat is open come on in! 🙂
  8. HostTracy

    OMG CONGRATULATIONS MIMI!!!!💐🍼❤️
  9. HostTracy

    Scott let me know if you Do. I need one of those. 😒
  10. Thankfully, I have video therapy now Janelle. I can also text her at any time in between appointments. I like it a lot!
  11. HostTracy

    😝 Me too guys!!! Kitty always comes through for me! I ❤ her. I might end up being the old cat lady haha but I'd have great company!
  12. HostTracy

    😏 At least this was a funny memory haha!
  13. HostTracy

    I have no words. I just feel sick and honestly afraid. 🙏 to all.
  14. HostTracy

    Thats a great saying to put in your signature on your profile. I think you can add it when you go to profile and edit. 👍
  15. Tom 😊 you have just witnessed some thread takeover support!!! Family I tell you. Really glad you found our little hut...please come on in! 🙋
  16. Yes im sure this is a thread takeover too lol. You guys make me smile and helps me realize even more that we are sort of family. This IS support...i knew i loved you all! (((BIG BEAR HUGS!!!))) That's for everyone btw. 😊
  17. Mine too...i understand how your daughter me I st feels sometimes. The letterp was from Medicare and all i saw were large dollar amounts. I have a real fear since winning my disability case that im going to receive a letter that says oops we made a mistake...give it all back. (Its happened to someone before...well social security retirement. They sent her a letter that said she owes them 60,000. 😳). After making it to the front room and trying to catch my breath while thumbing through like 20 pages my stepmom said oh its ok its just your Medicare statement they send each month where they have paid. Well too late lol the tears rolled out, the stuttering began and Janice said she had to go in the other room. Ha it was 45 minutes until calm. I am happy i can laugh at my moments...it helps keep the fear down of having more which just makes you have more anxiety. Tell your daughter shes not alone.
  18. HostTracy

    You guys give me inspiration. I can stay on most things because all my limbs work. Now the treadmill...my brain could not coordinate walking on a moving surface. My feet would just stop walking and my PT would yell "walk...walk" or hit the emergency turn off button before i went down. Tangible improvement right there.
  19. HostTracy

    Heather 😊 I need to send a friendly pamphlet to the therapy group i was in. That sounds pretty workable.
  20. HostTracy

    Or just get closer and use your right hand to make your left hand bop them lol.
  21. HostTracy

    Ladies youve made me smile thank you. Janelle...amen i am in total agreement. Heather you just point them out and i fling the flip flop. We'll both feel better haha.
  22. Ed you know i hope the same. A survivor grieves after a stroke...they grieve the self that was present the day before it happened. Grieving is a process and everone does it differently and the time it takes to go through is different. I completely understand feeling like you do. I know i did at times. Dont know that everyone felt that. I wish like Janelle said i had a wand that could lift you up. Sadly, i dont but i believe in the soul healing and i dont think your story has no more chapters. 😏
  23. It's a daily thing for me too. Today i was weepy all day, just felt like poop. I have no close friends to just go be with, i realize that my inevitable self absorbtion pushes everyone i have close away (its just what i live each day so it comes up a lot), i get on people's nerves, i have less empathy for non stroke people around me (thats a step backwards), im rigid, im a baby, im a whiner, im lonely, im angry, im extremely emotional, i dont feel like I fit in most times. So somedays just plain suck. Some days i wake up and reason with myself "You don't want to feel this way 4 ever do you?". Or somedays i wake up and im just tired of being tired or depressed or in a negative zone. I make myself do the things that validate me on those days. I go do something, plan future things, think about living alone and what color bath towels i will have, what type of dinnerware will i get, ya know its a lot of girl kind of stuff i think about. I'm not a guy and dont really know anyone's enjoyments in life. These are little things but i dream of bigger things even if they are different than my dreams used to be. It's those days when i wake up and get on my own nerves that i can really need a happy heart. I hold myself back from a happy heart sometimes. I suppose i just get tired of me feeling not ok. As i said at the beginning it is a daily process. I certainly dont always prevail but i am dang glad i do sometimes. I think its getting more often. It just makes my head hurt less.
  24. HostTracy

    Funny story...when I was getting closer to the end of my PT...she said she wanted to try weight therapy with me because i have ataxia and proprioception issues. She pulled out this flimsy reflector vest (like one you would wear riding a bike...ok some people would wear riding a bike. Duck taped to it was sand weights in like 3x4 bags. On each shoulder,down the front and back. She helped me pull it on and it just kept falling down so she ? Duck taped the vest to me. Needless to say the idea is based on science but was a fail. Maybe they actually got therapy vests by now. 😂
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