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Stroke Survivor - male
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About Hogarth
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  1. Hogarth

    Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I have always felt that there was more to existence than this mortal human life, though I am not religious. I suppose "spiritual" would be a more accurate description. I have had to deal with quite a bit of adversity in my life but I won't go into that here. I got by reasonably well despite a good deal of adversity to overcome. I did not get married until I was 50 years old. That was because I did not want to, or need to and I was able to cope quite well on my own. I was fortunate to be gifted with a strong, tall, not too hard to look at body and a very intelligent mind. I am a member of Mensa, if that means anything to you. I am extremely thankful that I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with when I did, just a few years before my stroke, which disabled me and took those things that allowed me to survive, even thrive despite difficult circumstances of my life. The stroke took those qualities that allowed me to get by for most of my life. I am no longer young, or a 'hunk' or a bunch of other things. I have come to believe that this has happened to me to teach me something. I have been getting by due to those qualities but also missing a lot. I am now face with a new life without those gifts. I need to cope and learn new things and new ways.
  2. It's been about two and a half years since my "very large" (as the doctor told my wife) stroke and I am told that I am still in the process of recovering. I have noticed improvements, slow and sure to some degree. I must be doing better recently because my attitude is changing somewhat and I have actually been thinking some positive things! Like some other thoughts I have had since my stroke I recently had a thought that I could never have imagined thinking earlier. My question for the group is this - since your stroke, have you ever thought that you have actually gained something as a result, and if so, what is it? I would love to hear about any such positive things that members may have gained. Thanks.
  3. Hogarth

    I don't know if anyone else here has this issue or knows anything about it but I thought I would try. As a result of my stroke I have heminopsia something-or-other, which I always forget the name of because my memory is also badly affected. What it basically means is the right half of my visual field in both eyes is blind. In addition to that the remaining left half of my vision is - it's hard to explain, but it's something like seeing in one frame per second, plus I believe my 2 eyes don't line up perfectly. The result of this is that it is getting really annoying after 2 and a 1/2 years of fighting this to deal with it. Seeing is actually very mentally tiring after doing it for 8 hours. I am exhausted at the end of every day and if I do something that's new and different, like going to a museum, which I did last summer when my wife wanted to do something fun and different, it results in a very high degree of stress and tiring for me. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here was aware of this issue and what might be done to help out with it. I saw a neuro-opthalmologist who said that there was nothing that could be done. I'm hoping that that is not true. Lately I have the impression that I have been trying to fight this for 2 and a 1/2 years or make believe that it wasn't really true, but now I can't fight it much any longer and it's getting really annoying and hard to deal with.
  4. Hogarth

    If you live in Connecticut reply to this message and post your town, city or county.
  5. Hogarth

    You have made some interesting points and have an atypical perspective. I will certainly think about what you have said.
  6. Hogarth

    Thanks for your message Ms. Smith. Regarding being smart or not, let me share a story with you on that subject. I don't mention this much except when it's relevant. I am a member of Mensa, which if you don't know what it is, is an organization for people in the smartest 2% of the population as measured by standardized IQ tests. I don't remember exactly when but at some point during the 1st year after my stroke I decided to try my hand at some carpentry work which I had been doing a lot of in the past few years. We moved into a new house not long before my stroke and there was a lot of work to be done here. One of my impairments from the stroke is that my vision is greatly affected 1/2 of my visual field is gone. The day I tried using my table saw for the 1st time I cut my fingers badly and wound up in the emergency room. The nurse there who did tree aage on me was an ex military man. We chatted a little bit and he examined my hand. I mentioned during our chat that I had suffered the stroke. When he asked me what happened I told him that I was stupid and he immediately said "no, you're crippled". It did make me feel a bit better in a strange way to hear that. Later when I paused to really contemplate this I wondered if it was better to be crippled or to be stupid. They both don't sound very good. I have continued doing work on our new house but it has been very discouraging because I often make foolish mistakes. I suppose it is related to memory problems I have as result of my stroke but it still is very frustrating and daunting. You could argue that it's not stupidity but I'm sure it has a lot in common with it. I'm intrested to hear what sort of feedback I'll get from this message.
  7. Hogarth

    Thank you all for your kind, caring, helpful messages. Your support is helpful and pleasant. I will look forward to better days.
  8. Before my stroke I was strong and smart and had a great career and a lot of skills and felt like I could do just about anything. Now my wife takes care of me for the most part. I don't like that feeling. I don't wanna be a burden. I've heard the 'you'd do the same thing for her', but I don't like, and don't want to be in this position. Obviously I don't have any options here.
  9. Lisa, Thanks for your message. You make some valid and helpful points.
  10. Yes. I have been for decades. Yes. I saw one in the 'Big City' a number of times. She concluded that there was nothing she could do for me. My family would be no help for me. They are very unhealthy and I do not interact with them. I wrote a long story about them and my life in general on the now defunct Experience Project Web site if you are really bored, have a bunch of free time on your hands and care to read it. Let me know.
  11. Thanks to you both. Today I was resting and I could 'feel/sence that a part of 'me' was gone. I had a mental image of myseft which was slightly transparent. Part of me was no longer there. I saw that if/once (it will one day) that image went all the way transparent, I would be gone. I am getting slower and I feel weaker every day. I get less and less accomplished every day.
  12. There are so many questions - so many differences. I am told that I am still mourning 2 years after my stroke. The stroke was a big one. My wife was going crazy in the hospital listening to me babble incoherently every day, watching me try to eat mashed potatoes with my fingers instead of using utensils. My memories returned after the first week when they transferred me to the 'stroke hospital' to continue my recovery. I was in a double room with a young man who babbled incoherently to his girlfriend on his cell phone all night long with the light on, while she told him things I doubted he could understand and she repeatedly told him that she could not understand the gibberish he 'spoke' into the phone. I sit home alone most of the day, most days, unable to drive, mostly blind. I live in a rural area with no Uber service and a 3.5 mile walk to the end of the road. I used to be able to do lots of things very well. I can't any more. I do things that used to be effortless then look at what I have done and see how messed up it is. I have no family and not friends in the state where I live. The quality of my life is not very good, to say the least.
  13. Hogarth

  14. Hogarth

    Three septuagenarian lady-friends were out for their monthly trip to the cinema. After the movie, while walking back to their cars a man jumped out in from from a dark alley. Facing the ladies, he threw open his overcoat to reveal his naked body flashing the ladies. The first lady immediately had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady didn't touch him.
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