SarahR

Moved back to Colorado the end of July....lots of drama surrounding the move, but I made it here. I'm living with oldest son in southeastern Colorado, about an hour from Pueblo. Don't miss the heat or the monsoon storms in Arizona. Sarah

Good to see you're still hanging in there. It never gets easier and even when they're gone (2 yr. since Gary passed), you would take back those caregiving days in a heartbeat rather than be alone. We were lucky to have 52 years together before his passing. Sarah

So sorry about your friend's stroke. Hopefully you can be of help to the friend in getting through the worst days of it. I tried to offer help and suggestions to our middle son, Joel when he had his stroke in March, but he's totally turned away from me. It's almost like he's blaming everyone for his stroke since it's so similar to his Dad's brainstem stroke - same area of brain (just that son got to hospital and got t-pa shot to minimize the damage). Sarah

Congratulations on 30th anniversary and may you have many, many more wonderful adventures on future anniversaries!! Sarah

I totally understand the isolation!! Am so sick of this COVID dictating our lives - It's to the point that saying "when covid is over" is sounding more like "when I win the powerball jackpot." We need a life - been on lockdown and isolation long enough!! Sarah

Finally got back to Colorado the first week in July to have Gary's Celebration of Life gathering. Thanks to COVID-19 we had to delay that for well over a year as he passed away at home on Feb. 10, 2020. It was a long drive, but I had help with the driving from a friend who took a few days off from her waitressing job to help me out. We dropped the dogs off south of Tucson at my youngest sister's house, then headed up through NM and into Colorado from there. My younger sister from MD flew into Denver, and met us at the hotel on Wed., the 7th. We stopped at the BBQ place to make sure the catering was on schedule for after the gathering the next day, and got the same cold, nasty treatment from the catering manager that I had dealt with over the phone ever since booking it nearly a month earlier. Once they got my credit card number, all I got was excuses why I couldn't get a receipt for what I ordered, or anyone to call me back to verify that they took the information down correctly for the lunch on July 8th. We had his celebration on July 8th - what would have been his 74th birthday - but was now his 2nd heavenly birthday. Crowd size was a little over half of what I had anticipated, so we had a lot of leftover boxed lunches that we took to homeless persons on the street, a park maintenance crew and even dropped some at the nearest fire station. My sister flew back to DC that Friday so my friend, Rose and I went for pedicures and I got a haircut before heading back to Arizona that Saturday. It was short and sweet and hopefully gave everyone the closure they needed. Sarah

I hope you are doing well....sorry, I haven't been on in here in a long time. Sarah

Been trying to find you on facebook. Can you PM me and let me know how you're doing. I tried to do a blog post on here and it disappeared again - I haven't been on here in a while and lose track of how to do those things. lol Sarah

Merry Christmas to you and your family.....will be a quiet one here with just the oldest son, Vince and I. sarah

So glad things are going well with Dan at home and you are able to travel with him. Hope the remodel goes well and makes life easier for the both of you. Keep cool........ Sarah

I traveled to Colorado last week for a mini memorial, celebration on what would have been Gary's 73rd birthday. His former caregiver, Carmen, who came up from San Diego to go with me helped with most of the driving as it was a long trip. We didn't make it all the way through NM without a stop, but nobody insisted we have to quarantine for 14 days (even though the signs along highway in Albuquerque were stating that all visitors must quarantine). We weren't really visitors there, just passing through - only stopped for gas and a sleepover along the way and always wore our masks outside of the car. On Tuesday, the 7th of July, we took flowers to the grave site and placed them in the vase provided with headstone, which was at the site, but not yet fully set in the ground. We met a few long time friends (over 40 years each) at the cemetery and sang Happy Birthday (in Heaven) to Gary, then headed to local restaurant for a lunch with them. Wednesday, the 8th of July, we headed to the cemetery to meet up with about 10 family members and another former caregiver of Gary's. I had scheduled that meeting for an hour later and it was already getting up in the 90s in the area, so we tried to keep it short. Our oldest son, Vince, brought a huge American flag to put in ground above the headstone and cued up TAPS on his car stereo to give his Dad the proper military honors. We gathered, with masks on, in a semi-circle and had each person give a short memory of Gary, as a brother, a Godfather, a Dad, a patient, and a husband, his sister read a beautiful poem, and I ended with a reading of the poem "Remember Me." Then Gary's former caregiver in Colorado, Red, started us off in singing Happy Birthday to Gary. It was a small group: a brother and sister, two Godchildren, two former caregivers, our oldest son, two grandchildren and their significant others and myself. We headed to lunch at Perkins after the gathering and then back to hotel. Carmen and I were up and out on the road by 5:15 a.m. the next morning and drove straight through to home in Arizona. It was a long day and we finally got home around 10:15 that night. Dogs are happy to have me back home, and I'm staying in for at least the next three weeks after hearing how the COVID-19 cases are still spiking in AZ. It's up over 110 all week, so better inside with AC than outside sweltering. I might hit the pool at night or early morning, but even the dogs don't want to go out in this heat.

Had a large dead toad at the stop sign by our side street the other day ----so far nobody has "toad" him away! lol Sarah

One never knows the complexity of someone's mental state at such a time. I still question 4 years later if there was anything I could have done for my youngest son to keep him here, or whether I should have seen signs. I honestly believe most are not in their right state of mind at the time. Sarah

Here it is the middle of June already, and I just realized that Gary's stroke anniversary came and went on June 1 and I totally forgot about it - maybe because he passed away in February, we're still dealing with the Coronavirus, and so much more in the news. June 1 would have been his 16th stroke anniversary........but he only survived 15 years and 8 months following that devastating brain stem stroke in 2004. I'll bet his Doctors from back then would be shocked and amazed that he lived that long after telling me he might not live six months; and it would have been even less than that had I placed him in a nursing home. While caring for him at home for 15+ years was no easy task, it sure as heck beat the alternative, and I gave him the best life he could possibly have considering his disabilities. In all those years since the stroke we did our best to accept the new normal and still have a life. While I miss him dearly, I know he is in a much better place now. I will be going back to Colorado the first part of July to make sure they finally get the marker on his grave site and be there for his birthday. I have asked his brother and sister who live nearby to join me at the cemetery and then go to lunch after. We have to wait to do a Celebration of Life ceremony because of social distancing rules - but we need some kind of closure for now, and acknowledging his date of birth at his final resting place next to our youngest son seemed like the right time and place to do that. His former caregiver, Carmen, who now lives in CA will be driving up from San Diego to make the trip to Colorado with me. I didn't feel comfortable making that 16 hour trip alone and she really wanted to go as she always treated him like her own Dad, even calling him her Papa. I'm keeping busy with the two dogs, who will be spending the week that I'm away with my sister in Tucson (she can spoil them rotten). I will try to check in when I return from the trip - looking forward to cooler weather as we've been in the triple digits for a while now and no cooling off till Sept. Pool or no pool, that's still too darn hot!!! Sarah