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Stroke Survivor - male
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About PaulNash

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    Associate Mentor
  • Birthday 05/18/1958

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  • Stroke Anniversary (second stroke)
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  1. PaulNash

    That is so cool! I've encountered so many "miracle devices" (personally or anecdotally) that are little more than diluted snake oil (NovaVision is one such that I have tried; alleges that it can improve a vision cut, FDA approved, the whole 9 yards; does nothing at all except wasting a whole bunch of time and money). Hearing about one that actually works is great! Glad that you have something that improves matter.
  2. PaulNash

  3. PaulNash

    Scott, your story gave me goosebumps just reading it. Really glad that you survived, and hope that things keep progressing. Very scary stuff!
  4. Hey Will, I keep doing the same sort of thing myself. My energy budget is probably higher than yours, but seems to vary from day to day. There are days when I start out feeling fresh, decide to tackle some significant task (like tidying/sorting/thowing-out stuff in the basement). An hour or two later I wonder why I feel miserable, have difficulty getting up the stairs, and have no idea what day to the week it is. Spoon theory is great, but I have to remember to use it *and* I have to have a reasonable idea of how many spoons a given task will take. I'm usually over-optimistic, as with the basement cleanup), in which case it doesn't actually work very well.
  5. PaulNash

    You have every right to feel upset when he reminds you of what happened. You also have every right to be upset when he tells you how lucky you are. Yes you are luck (you are alive) but that doesn't negate the fact that you were also seriously unlucky (you had a stroke). And while you are lucky to be alive, you are also still seriously unlucky because of the deficits caused by the stroke. Don't let them minimize what you have gone through and are going through. YOU can do that; it's your life, your brain, your body. THEY do not have the right to tell you how you should feel.
  6. Yes, I know. I don't have a very solid routine or definite limits (never been that sort of person), but I have episodes when things are going really well, so I allow myself to push a bit harder, and a bit longer, and then the whole edifice of my life collapses into a pile of rubble. I end up crawling out from under the debris, feeling battered and bruised, lick my wounds and start all over again. Maybe One day I'll learn, but I somehow doubt it.
  7. PaulNash

    Scott, I'm with you 100%. I hate it when people say "you are doing so well". They do not have a clue what is going on inside, they can only see the outside and, even then, they only see what they want to see. I try to just nod and move on, but not always. And my wife can get quite upset: I was at my neurologist last week. His student did a *very* rudimentary exam, then reported that I was "doing really well" and everything was great. Compared to most, that's probably true, but it is still far from "doing well". Linda was there with me, and absolutely laid into the poor student: "He's not doing well! His brain is *beep*ed! This is a horrible situation for him, for me, and for our family and friends. This is not 'well'". I keep that in mind whenever my sister-in-law explains to me how well I am doing (but I don't say anything because family feuds and all that).
  8. I sympathize with the loss of pre-stroke routine. Sounds like you've built yourself a pretty solid post-stroke routine, though, which is something that you can be proud of. And occasional luxuries are always a good things!
  9. PaulNash

    WOW! That is amazing! You must be so proud.
  10. PaulNash

    And I *really* like the outfit. All-Blacks have always had more style than anyone else.
  11. PaulNash

    It'll be a great match. Springboks have been playing well, so likely to be a cliff-hanger.
  12. PaulNash

    I'm not entirely sure how this was intended: Does the fear of "What next" ever go away? Yes, I am scared all the time. Like the old joke: Person has just lost his spouse, children, livelihood. Looks up at the sky and says "well, I guess it can't get much worse". A voice comes booming out from the heavens: "wanna bet?". I get stressed all the time about my stroke, and especially about any changes. I am less worried about my current (long-lasting) issues as I am worried about the new ones that crop up from time to time. Some are physical, some visual, some cognitive, some emotional. All of them start me worrying. Sometimes there is good news. A new (relatively trivial) deficit will pop up as an older (more serious) one improves. That's fine by me; I now have some numbness and/or pins'n'needles in both ankles, but my proprioception has improved in my left foot. Don't know whether they are linked; correlation does not actually imply causation. Most often it is bad. I'm more emotionally labile than a year ago, depression is deeper and feels worse but episodes tend not to last as long. Then again, they seem to be more frequent. And I have no historical written records to refer to, so I may be entirely wrong. I suspect (but cannot prove, no blinded studies here, unless I wear a blindfold :-)) that I am getting better at dealing with the easier stuff, so don't notice it as much. This makes me push boundaries a bit, which lands me flat on my (metaphorical) face. And, of course, there is the impact of friends and family and relationships. And every issue there feels bigger than the one before and seems to give lie to the thought that inter-personal issues were improving (when they probably are, if you look at the long-term trend). This is obviously affected by the novelty wearing off. I am certainly a lot more jittery, nervous, depressed than before the stroke. Once something that dramatic has happened, you know that bad things can happen to mundane people. And that if they happen once, they can happen again.
  13. PaulNash

    Wow! Great insight, excellent progress!
  14. I'm trying to make a list all the positive side-effects of stroke. Here's a starter: 1. Excuse when I forget birthdays/anniversaries/chores (memory deficits) 2. Re-reading old books and watching old movies (memory again) 3. Block out unpleasant/distracting images (visual field cut) 4. Reminder when I am tired (leg starts dragging) 5. Others have to share the driving on long trip (fatigue) 6. Pass on unpleasant tasks (won't remember how to do them properly, too clumsy) 7. Charging more for work (I bill by time, and everything takes longer) There have to be a whole lot more. Please add to the list
  15. PaulNash

    Since my stroke we haven't had sex. Nothing physical, I've just felt sort of broken mentally/emotionally. I know that Linda is not happy about this (and neither am I, come to that). We're trying to restart, which is surprisingly difficult -- she wants me to initiate things, and I am now very very bad at timing, trying to start the ball rolling, and so on. In some ways trying and failing is worse than not trying. We'll keep on until we get it right.