PaulNash

Unfortunately, it's a part of life.  Do whatever helps you to cope.  Sit in a corner.  Cry.  Throw things (preferably outdoors).  Hug someone.  Exercise.  Sleep.  Watch Netflix.  Scream in the woods.  

Wow.  You write beautifully;  I wish that I could take some of the pain away from you.

I've got the same problem, but other way around.  I crash when I get into bed, usually asleep within minutes, but wake after 5 or 6 hours, and cannot get back to sleep.  So I get up and start a l_o_n_g day.

And sleeping pills seem to have no real effect, other than leaving me fuzzy-headed when I wake up 6 hours later. 

You write really well.  Please stitch your postings, thoughts and diary into a book. I, for one, will buy it as soon as it comes out. 

As for the rest, Happy Birthday. 

My heart goes out to you.  Grief is not contagious, and if venting helps, do it.  You listen to others' pain here and help them, we can listen to yours and try to help you. 

I wept reading this.  Life really is unfair; if I could take some of your burden, I would do it in a heartbeat.  So would others.

We love you.  Believe this.

This made me cry.  You have given him a most amazing legacy.

I used to suffer from chronic allergic sinusitis as a kid.  My mother's treatment took some getting used to, but worked wonders:

Mix a medium-size down full of blood-temperature water with a couple of tablespoons full of table salt (amount of salt needed varies with size of bowl).  Submerge your face in the bowl and sniff.  Let the slat water come up your nose and into your mouth.  Take your head out of the bowl, spit out the salt water.  Repeat several time per session, several sessions per day as needed.

It sounds really gross, and the first sniff is really difficult to do (survival instincts kicking in), but it is not unpleasant and it really works.  This was the only thing that let me breathe through my nose in the spring.

I still do it as an adult whenever I have a bad cold or flu and am feeling bunged up. It's a lot easier to snort saltwater now (practice :-)), and it really helps.

Dear Nancy

My heart goes out to you; if there was any way to take away some of your pain, we'd do it like a shot.  You probably have your own answers to your questions, but here goes anyway:  

You can only do what you can do.  It will not help him or you for you to destroy yourself totally; you need to stay as strong as you can and to live your life.  He has decided to die, which I don't agree with but can sympathize with.  It must hurt you enormously to watch, and I am sure that he would not want you to be in pain.  You are terribly brave to spend the time that you do with him, and you cannot do more than you can do; at least not without damaging yourself badly in the process.

For your own sake, and for his, spend what time you can without damaging yourself further.  You have been a wonderful wife, companion and helpmeet, but the time has come when he wants to let go.  It is time for you to look after yourself, recover from this and start to live again.