PaulNash

Stroke Survivor - male
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About PaulNash

  • Birthday 05/18/1958

Contact Methods

  • Stroke Network Email
    Yes

Shared Information

  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
    01-20-2016
  • Stroke Anniversary (second stroke)
    01-21-2016
  • Facebook URL
    -
  • Website URL
    http://nashnetworks.ca
  • How did you find us?
    Google Search

Registration Information

  • First Name
    Paul
  • State
    Ontario

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3,371 profile views

PaulNash's Achievements

Associate Mentor

Associate Mentor (5/10)

  1. One of our kids came over for supper last night. Rapid-test negative before she arrived, lots of windows open. She tested positive this morning, so we tested ourselves. Wife and I both positive, two adult children visiting are still asleep, but I expect that they will also be positive. We were planning to go Banff next week to meet one of the kids who now lives in Vancouver; that is now off. Sigh. Asymptomatic apart from a very mild headache. Could be a while lot worse; thank goodness for vaccines and Ontario's aggressive (if belated) rollout. paul
  2. I've had three shots so far. My only side-effects were sleeping for about 24 hours after each shot (a blessing for me; I've had difficulty sleeping for several years now) and a sore arm for several days. While the protection isn't perfect, I am *REALY* glad that I got them. I may be eligible for a 4th in the next few months, which I will grab with both hands. One of my adult children just tested positive; she's also triple-vaxxed. Has mild cold symptoms, only significant impact on her is that she can't go out to the shops, and has to use DoorDash to get groceries. All the medics that I know (wife, sister-in-law, family doc, neurologist ...) agree that the benefits FAR outweigh the risks and discomfort. I'm not a doctor, but my medical friends tell me that the risk of clots is negligible., especially when you look at the risk of getting severe COVID. I'm on aspirin anyway, so in my case clots are moot.
  3. My sleep was all over the place, but I managed to tame it to a fair extent. I'm lucky because my legs work well most of the time, so I can run, which helps with both sleep and sanity. I can't run very far or fast any more, but even a slow-ish jog around the block helps enormously. It also helps mood, which is vital for me; as I would have walked under a bus long ago without it. In winter I use our (very second-hand) dreadmill, or do pullups or almost anything that will get my heart-rate up. Even just walking our dog around the block helps me get a bit of perspective on life, and helps my sleep. As with all these things, your mileage may vary.
  4. I guess that there is no one answer; I change opinion regularly. I go through periods where I would happily kill myself, were it not for the impact on my family. And other spells where I think that life is just fine, even if not as good as before. COVID lockdowns (both self-imposed and mandatory) have only made things more volatile. Family and friends keep me going.
  5. Must have been horribly scary; glad that it was a false alarm.
  6. Thank you all for the comforting words and good advice. I've been putting my head down and focussing on work to keep the wolf from our door (depressing; it makes me more and more aware of cognitive issues and stamina). Linda and I have a kind of modus operandi which sort-of works. During working days I generally keep to my office, and bash my head (mostly figuratively) against work problems. Evenings can be mixed depending on what happened in each of our days. Because of vaccines, I'm spending more time out of the hours, which also helps to reduce friction. I'm also letting things happen to a greater and greater extent. I have to get visual fields done in a hurry to keep my driving license (I'm partialy blind). In previous years I would stress like anything to get them done and while waiting for the official verdict; now I'm feeiing more fatalistic and calmer. Some of this is getting used to post-stroke me (several years, and I'm still not there), some is giving up. Logically, I know that I am exceptionally lucky. My stroke could have been FAR worse. Our marriage could have fallen apart. I could have been unable to work. And so on. I get good support from my neurologist, and have a Zoom call with the hospital's shrink from time to time. I dislike myself for whining, and giving up, and not doing more for the people I love. But looking at younger friends with no cognitive issues going through similar problems, I guess that COVID just sucks. Thank you all, stay safe. My medical friends tell me that the worst is over and we'll be back to semi-normal "soon". paul
  7. Thaks Becky. When I am busy doing stuff and feel that I am contributing in some way, things aren't too bad. As far as I can tell, the biggest problem is my relationship with Linda, which I hope will improve when she gets to go back to work at the Humane Society, rather than working at home, and sees other people IRL instead of over zoom calls. Right now I'm trying to exercise as regularly as I can (given the weather, snow and ice), which helps my mood and my resilience. Other than that, it's one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. I used to run ultra-marathons when I was much younger. That taught me some very good lessons about endurance, which are half-forgotten. I am re-learning them. Taking the race one step at a time; taking life one minute at a time. Focussing on the finish line, not on the pain right now. Of course, it is more complicated that than, because there is another person involved, but it helps. Except for when it does not :-(. Heather, I haven't been able to listen to Dr Harrington yet, but have scheduled time for it this morning. After surviving three years of Linda's PhD at the ANU, we should be able to survive anything. (hint: if you are driving between Melbourne and Sidney, and see the Canberra turn-off, put your foot down and keep going straight. Canberra is carefully planned, full of bureaucrats and absolutely soulless. Avoid at all costs)
  8. Heather and Janelle Thanks for the kind words and useful advice. Just reading the Stroke Board is a huge comfort, knowing that I am not alone and not malingering. It's also a huge relief being able to talk to people who are going through the same things themselves. And there are occasional eureka! moments, that help me try to change the way that I think or act. Part of my memory issue is that things are erratic. I have anterograde amnesia, so I can remember all sorts of details of trivial things that happened in my childhood, or 6 years ago, but not remember why we had a huge fight 15 minutes ago. Which frustrates us both. I have a spreadsheet that I use to track things that I need to do. Biggest problem is making sure that things get on it, and remembering what I have to do between reading the spreadsheet and actually doing the task. Depending on tiredness, phase of the moon, the actual task details, etc, I can remember for anything from 30 seconds to 3 days. I'm trying to write details and steps for the task at hand and carry that list with me. Just slow going turning that into a habit. Exercise helps a lot. Mood, if nothing else. Now that things are warming up, I'm starting to run again. I used to be a fairly serious long-distance runner, can't run very far any more, but can still work up a sweat and work off some frustrations. Lockdown also makes us both a bit depressed and ratty, and does not help our finances (my work has dropped off quite dramatically this year). And the financial pressures don't help the tensions and mood. I went through a spell of feeling that a tragic car crash would solve problems (insurance money, no anything for me, no frustration for Linda), but figured out pretty quickly that it would just make things worse. So at least I have left that behind me. And, or course, everything is far, far worse when I am tired. So I am trying to make sure that I get several rest periods a day, whether I think that I need them or not. Thanks again for the wise and comforting works. They mean a lot,
  9. I have been offline, just reconnected and saw this now. This space that Steve created has played an enormous part in keeping me sane and alive. I owe him (and everyone else on this site) a debt that I can never repay.
  10. I think that I am losing it In a big way. Last week I had a major blowup and my long-suffering wife. I accused her of gaslighting me; thinking that she was telling me that I was failing in all areas, that she was accusing me of not supporting her while we were in lockdown, and on and on. Then I stormed off and went to go to sleep in one of the kids' bedrooms (this child left home a year ago, but we keep her bed made up just in case). Linda came and dragged me up to our bed. Next morning (and evert morning thereafter), I was contrite, not sure what had come over me, and she has been in serious distress. My memory seems to be getting more and more erratic at the same time, and I have been getting more are more depressed. My memory issues make it difficult for me to remember all the details, and also to behave consistently. I feel detached quite a lot of the time, aware that I ought to say something contrite or reassuring or sympathetic, but unable to think of the words to use. I'm also having difficulty figuring out the sequence of things that I have to follow to get specific task done. We are starting to do some home renovations, both as a form of therapy (which may or may not work), and to try to shorten the backlog on our home-maintenance list. Because of COVID, I can't go and see my psychiatrist (who will be useless anyway, and will tell me to write a "thought record" about what I was thinking even though I have major memory issues). I'm not sure how much my neurologist would be able to help. FWIW, I have had fairly flat affect ever since the stroke, and now find it hard to express my emotions. Since my stroke, I have often been tempted to walk in front of a train, but I could never do that to Linda and the kids. Realistically, things have been OK on a day-to-day operational level, but the emotional bond is frayed and feels like it is hanging by a tread at the moment. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas, I'd love to hear them. I don't really expect to find a silver bullet, but a bandaid could help. I guess that I have finally come to grips with the fact that I am broken in significant wats, and that cannot fix everything (anything) by myself. And that Linda is as drained and as weary of this whole thong as I am, maybe more. Paul
  11. Wow! That is a really impressive set of achievements! I never knew that I was in such exalted company.
  12. Wow; Gbale that is really shocking. That has to be super-tough to cope with. You are a remarkable person to be able to deal with that. Keep fighting!
  13. Good luck! I hope that his is one of those huge leaps forward. Let us know how it goes (the clinic) and please please please keep us updated after the procedure, so that we can follow your progress. Holding thumbs that this returns you to a pre-stroke state!
  14. Still here, still alive. Been seriously busy (DIY home reno, gardening, work. Also pretty depressed (domestic issues exacerbated by COVID restrictions). Keeping going, day to day.
  15. Will2, I could not have put it better. This site is a sanity- and life-saver