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Stroke Caregiver - male
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About Losthubby

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  • Birthday 03/16/1971

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  1. Losthubby

    I really first want to thank you all so very very much. It means a lot to me to read these. i will need to look up what PBA is, never heard it mentioned before. The roller coaster I hate to say is sucking the life out of me. She doesn’t understand that, I need sleep to function and work the next day. She will wake me up, just for the sake of it. Once recently she woke me up, saying I had overslept and was going to be late for work. 2 things...it was completely pitch black, couldn’t see anything. I looked at phone and it was 3:30am. This wasn’t the first time, just most recent. I get mad..she gets upset and crying because she can’t get why I need to sleep and she’ll think I don’t want her around anymore. Paul, I have tried to give her things to do...but they never get done. One thing I tried to give her was something that she did before the stroke and that was doing the bills. Just writing checks, or anything like that. I had a little table that she could use and had the bills sitting there for days...nothing ever got done. i talk to my dad a lot about this, there isn’t a whole lot he can’t do...amazing man that I wish I could be 1/3 of him. Teacher, elementary school principal, farmer, a couple of board members. At age of 63, he backpack the John Murl trail, 3 weeks, and I think 210 miles, but don’t remember. Done over 900 miles of trails in the smoky mountains. And he is now in Idaho backpacking. He’s 68 now...and I can’t keep up with him. But after all he has said and done....he has been at a loss for words on what to tell me. His only response is “I don’t know what to tell you” when he doesn’t know what to say... I really don’t know what to think.
  2. Losthubby

    I use to do that, and I agree 100% with you on that. We are still semi-young. But when we would go and do things she would always cry. Going out to dinner, flying down to Florida and she was crying before we got out of the terminal. That is why I was hoping the psychologist would help her. I saw it as, as hard as it is, she hadn’t accepted the new her. Everything we did she cried, because she couldn’t do what she use to be able to do. It’s hard to get any satisfaction out of watching your wife cry all the time. That along with everything else took its toll on me. I got to the point I was overwhelmed and checked myself into “the nut house”. All I wanted to do was run away into the mountains and never be seen again. It was about a year ago I checked myself in. I feel the pressure building up again in me, and I’m doing what I can to not get to that point again. its just hard when you get no satisfaction from anything you do...I feel like I have no future to look forward to. All my friends have disappeared, none of the women that she use to work with, none of them come to see her and do anything with her which really bothers me and my sister. So I’ve come to the point of, how do I be happy? Still have 1 kid in high school another just starting college.
  3. Losthubby

    Sorry for the delay in getting back. She is limited to what she can do. Only has use of 1 arm, and full use of 1 leg. I couldn’t live with myself at the thought of leaving her. I’ve fought depression my whole life, no self confidence in myself at all. That was the thing about our relationship was, she was my rock and helped me through my ups and downs. She is unable to do that now. I found her a psychologist to see and she was a stroke survivor!!! I was so excited that I thought she could help her. As it turned out...she didn’t help her but more like empowered her. Instead of encouraging her to volunteer or get out and find things to do... she was convincing my wife that if she wasn’t happy with me and I wasn’t giving her what she wanted to leave me and the kids. I was FLOORED when that happened. My dad and I talked about it and believe she got worse seeing her. She is not seeing her anymore. I had a bad day or 2 and after getting stuff done was 8pm and I was tired and just in a rotten mood, and I don’t want to last out or snap at anyone so, I made peanut butter and jelly sandwich and went downstairs to just veg out before bed. Of course this made my wife feel terrible because she can’t do anything to help me. I was in a no win situation which doesn’t help with my depression or confidence. Just spinning my wheels in mud right now.
  4. I know the title is selfish and I am sorry. It's been over 3 years for my wife since her stroke. I've done everything I can do to help and support her and it's taken a toll on me. I've put my life on hold for the sake of my wife and kids. 1 kid just finished high school, the other has 3 years left. I quit running, gained a bunch of weight. I've finally started back running trying to loose the weight, but sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it's never enough. I'm miserable and unhappy. My wife is not getting better and in some things getting worse. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. She can't drive or do a lot of things but there are little things she can do. I've tried to get her to volunteer somewhere for..1 or 2 hours a day...or do something besides watching tv all day, but she won't. She blames me for destroying her self esteem and confidence and won't volunteer because she is afraid of losing me. We were always active before doing things but now she can't do anything and I think a matter of time before she is wheelchair bound. She is putting on a lot of weight and just trying to walk down the hall she leans against the wall. I'm miserable. I'm happy she survived but as everyone know, stroke changes people and the dynamic of a marriage. I feel selfish for asking this but I don't know how to be happy anymore. Ignoring myself and not taking care of myself the last the last couple years is taking a toll on me and I'm finding myself just sick of it all and...I want to be selfish and happy... can someone help me with what I'm going through and explain how to be happy? Thank you
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