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Stroke Survivor - male
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About beingnobody

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  • Birthday 07/22/1956

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  1. The saebostep does help a lot but not having the use of left hand I cannot get it on by myself so I use it mostly when I go to Dr appointments. Even using a cane, I have been told, I will not be able to walk long distances safely, so I use the handicap cart thing at walmart, which is the only store in my town that is open 24/7 and always seems to have a cart available. People call me "Nobody," at my request. It is a personal "zen" kinda thing. I don't find it offensive. I just don't tend to take myself as seriously as some folks seem to.
  2. I have always been a night person, and my sister brings me breakfast, which is my most substantial meal of my day, pretty much 10am sharp, so I am always up and ready for that but quite often go right back to bed immediately after eating. My sleepiness might be attributable to the marijuana usage, but it's something that helps me. since I no longer work and have no real responsibility other than my own needs I guess it's irrelevant.
  3. Honestly, it does not really matter that much. Just som late night ranting on my part. Loneliness and not having anyone in my life to confide in. I'll get over it, ty.
  4. wasted days ad wasted nights

    Good intentions failed, or at least in transitory hiatus. I had felt fairly confident in my situation immediately following my stroke and recovery. I am still moderately functional, and with the lifestyle I led pre-stroke being essentially sedentary and reclusive I imagined a post stroke existence not remarkably different. The mind that perceives is the mind that deceives. Reality is setting in, with an attitude of vengeance. The VA approved me for 8 physical therapy appointments, but after 5 visits, thoroughly discouraged and disgusted with myself, I gave up. I was seeing or feeling no progress, and my therapy was routine and regimented, so I just figure I would save the travel and just do the exercises alone, at home, however,,... Motivation and self discipline are not playing nice together and I am slipping into a pre-depressive slump of staying up all night binge watching on Prime and Netflix. My mind admittedly slips toward the abyss leading to that dark place from which return is dubious. My optimism, good spirits and attitude have deserted me and I have begun contemplating an unsatisfactory future. Woe is me, but for now I'll make an effort, minute by minute, day by tedious excruciating day, to continue. That is, for now, my hope.
  5. https://www.saebo.com/saebostep/
  6. I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with the Saebostep ankle brace system for drop foot remedy? I have ordered and received one of these devices but still have not figured out how to get it together. I do have my first outpatient physical therapy today and hope to get therapist to assist.
  7. Tyvm, that would be my hope as well. I do finally have outpatient therapy scheduled for Monday afternoon, first visit of eight authorized by the VA referred to civilian hospital 12 miles away. Barefoot, or in sock, I get around great, but put some shoes on and my foot see4ms so heavy and the sole of shoe (the toe anyway) seems to catch me up and throw me off balance. Hopefully the PT will help me with the foot drop so I can be more confident ambulating in public w/o having to resort to a handicap store buggy all the time. Then I can start concentrating on left hand and arm. Ultimately, hopefully, I will regain independence enough to move out from my sister's care and get an independent apartment again.
  8. irony bite

    Isn't it odd, in this time of technological marvel and information overload, that so much of the material we access online is so outdated? Along with my recent stroke I am also a throat cancer survivor, approaching my 3 year remission anniversary on Sept 29. I found that when I was first diagnosed and started researching my situation that the majority of the data online regarding prognosis and such,.. You know, The ultimate question of "how long do I have?" was so outdated. And I mean really outdated. Like a decade outdated, according to my doctors anyway, who still to this day warn patients against relying on information gotten from the internet pertaining to nearly anything medical. Same thing I was told by neurologists at the VA when I was recovering from my stroke. Doesn't seem fair. It seems like information would be updated or more current... but yet...I follow a lot of medical journals and medical social media and it seems like even when information from a "new" study is published or posted online, that deeper scrutiny ultimately reveals in many cases that what is being currently posted is really just something that has at it's base a pretty ancient (relatively speaking) point of origin. Late night/early morning musings.
  9. Wearisome

    I have previously mentioned that I have a reclusive nature, but since the stroke I am beginning to realize my perception of my reclusievness was more personal choice than I was admitting to myself. Now, post-stroke, with my newly acquired limitations of dexterity, I am faced with more a forced state of semi-isolation. It's an eyeball opener. I realize now that pre-stroke I still had the choice at any time to venture forth into society, but now that is not the case. Now I am dependent on a driver to leave home property, and even though I most move freely at home without assistance of cane most of the time hobbling, limping and gimping about, that I lack the nerve or confidence doing so in public. Thus I rarely go to any location that does not have the little handicapped scooter/cart thingamajiggy. I do really enjoy these thrice monthly excursions with my sister, but otherwise I rarely anymore leave my room at all other than a few times a week venturing out front to the driveway, which is expansive, and sitting on the veranda just watching nature. In my room I sit most of the day in front of the window getting plenty of sunshine and fresh air, but little physical exercise.. I have ordered all these physical rehabilitation aides that I never use but I do try to use my hand as much as I can. Problem is I don't know if I'm coming or going anymore because my schedule has been so compromised. My sleeps routine has turned into a veritable *beep* show and it is, I have to admit, dragging my spirits down low. The recent high profile suicides lay heavy on my mind, because I can so relate to the conditions precipitating these sad endings of life. The only way I can get a restful sleep is to finally in the wee hours of darkness submit to the swallowing of a portion of a Trazadone, maybe half a Vicodin and a muscle re;azer then talking to the magic dragon. This typically knocks me out until my regular schedule begins with my sister bringing me my every morning two eggs/ smokey link sausage and toast w/jelly and a glass of ice milk. This rant, if you have not yet figured it out, submitted at 3;30am-ish, is a prelude to my consumption of above and respite from insomnia. Oi Vey, as they say in the motion picture machines
  10. First of all it's not always about hopelessness. There are many reasons people take that path. Not everyone is the same. Please don't judge people as selfish and such because that is not really true. When someone reaches that point they are usually beyond rationalization of how their actions will affect others. Beyond as in emotionally incapable of that kind of consideration. You cannot understand that level of emotional suffering unless and until you experience it for yourself. Nor can words adequately express that experience to someone else. I've known people who have taken their own life on a personal level and I have attempted it myself. I have no doubt that will be the way I will eventually go out the door, and my mental health providers are fully aware. Maybe it is more apathy then hopelessness, but mostly it's just pain, emptiness, the feeling of being uncared for, unloved, even rejected. There are many variable as work. Mental illness is pure torture
  11. every day

    I went to my first post stroke Neurology consult on Tuesday. Talked about either increasing Baclofen dosage or prescribing something stronger. Not sure what, specifically that would be. Also said they would work on the outpaient physical therapy I've been awating word on. And ordered a compression glove for the left hand issues. I'm trying to remain optimistic but honestly, most days I don't leave my room all day other than bathroom trips, unless my sis takes me to Walmart for essentials, usually late at night, which is just spectacular with me. I do use the wacky tobacco to keep me sane and help me sleep, but otherwise I don't smoke tobacco or drink alcohol, or even coffee. I been working on future saintdom for many years even though I'm not a "believer" type. If I am allowed to say such things here. I know some sites frown on folk like myself. Ah well, tv awaits...again.
  12. Apprehension to insomnia

    Neurology appointment in 6 hours. Mind racing, just because. Sleep elusive. Woe is me. Not again this song and dance. Pervasive, stalking me. Weariness embraces me but drowsiness escapes me. Make it stop. I want off. I miss sleep. Deep,undisturbed sleep. TICK TOCK .....
  13. Is your hand still closed into a fist? I make a conscious effort to make sure I don't allow my fingers to close up like that. When I lay my hand down I always reach over with my right hand and make sure my fingers are open and laying as flat as possible
  14. didn't know where else I could put this/ It was not until about 1 1/2 months after stroke that I was able to move fingers on my left hand a little. Unfortunately, it was also about that time the spasms, contractions and contortions began. Since that time my hand has become more swollen, and I just noticed tonight blue bruising (I think bruising) in the last three fingers of that hand. They had begun to move a little, but now, three months out, they have begun to get stiff. I still have feeling in them but had hoped I might have some mobility by now. So now the paranoia strikes in, as when I was in rehab I overheard one of the therapists talking to another patient about amputations. I don't know the reason for that patient being in therapy, it being a VA hospital, quite possibly nothing to do with strokes whatsoever. So, is atrophy from stroke ever leading to amputations? Insight would be greatly appreciated
  15. Thank you all for your kindness